Re: Boyfriend problems. any advice

Most, a large majority, of men have probably looked at p 0 r n at some time or other (there are always exceptions.) Some look and are actually rather disgusted. Some look for a while and find it hollow and shallow and move on once it becomes boring (I know a few guys who run a Very Large p 0 r n hosting service and after a while, it all becomes just a mundane job to them.) Others find enjoyment out of it, but can take it or leave it if they enter into a relationship and it's an unwanted intrusion. Others fight for their "manly right" to view p 0 r n ("All men do!" or "It's just a natural guy thing.") Still others actually get addicted to it. Possibly not as large a percentage, but many women follow very similar lines.

I don't see the p 0 r n itself as the issue. The main issue is the lack of understanding and cooperation. It does appear as he has a rather dogmatic and unrealistic double standard that he wants you to live up by. There is also the point that you have a certain moral standard of your own that you want him to live up to. Neither one is actually getting you anywhere.

Maybe the questions you should be asking are if he's hiding things from you now, what else might he be hiding and what else might he hide in the future? If nothing changes, are you willing and able to live with it without it affecting you and your views and values? Can you accept it and his views and actions as part of the life you want to live?

You can't change people into what you want them to be. We can simply accept them for who they are and then decide if we want to continue to closely associate with them or not. There are many people I know that I have no problem with them being who they are or acting as they do, but I choose not to associate myself with them as their actions and choices do not blend with anything I am comfortable having in my life. It is not judgment, just discernment.

Personally, if my husband was so callous and cavalier about my views and feelings about something and was unwilling to compromise because "it's just a guy thing", then I would probably pack up and move on (crying my eyes out for a month or so during the process.) Thankfully, after many (many, many) previous failed attempts at inter-relating, dating, co-habitating, and marrying other men, I don't worry in the least about the man I've chosen to live out my life with ever even considering to act that way.

Relationships require respect. Can you respect his choices and actions and is he respecting you?

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