Frienship questions 
NY
21 y
3,795
I am not sure if it is something wrong with me psychologically or not or because I have been having insomnia, but I have been having problem to make real friends. I don't know how other people make their friends. I don't really know if there is such thing like real friends.
Friends to me are those ones who compete with you all the time, making use of you, happy to get a chance to omfort you when you get lost, and jealous when you win ...
When you read books, there are so many rules and advice about how to get a genuine friends. But none of them really work for me.
I find I like to make friends with someone who is not as smart as I am and not as pretty as I am, I feel less stressful around them. But end up, they always start to simulate my actions, which make me feel pressure again. I try to avoid them when that begin.
Just recently, two of friends tried to get divorced and slim just because I am divorced and slim. One of them was divorced now and trying her best to compete with me to find an ideal husband, another one's husband died before she got chance to divorce him. They are proud to tell me how their dates went on and how good their boyfriends are --- I am tired of hearing those things which keep giving me pressure because I am the one hotter and smarter but I don't have a BF. Then I try to hide from them and avoid talking to them, and try to make new friends but I know the simular situation will start again .... they have been cycles
People usually like to make friends with me and I guess my sweet smile make them feel close but I am afraid that they are the ones who are going to make me feel stressful and lose sleep eventually. -- End up, I am living a very lonely life although I am sexy, smart and well-educated.
What can I do?
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- Re: Frienship questions Fountain of Youth
21 y
3,031
MoreThis is a reply to # 595,159My ideal friend is nothing like you posted. I don't compete to be better than my friends. I don't get jealous of my friends. To me, a good friend is somebody that becomes an extension of myself. That is, we are so comfortable with each other that we can talk when we want to, we can hang out silently together too. We can go places or stay home. It's all okay. We can listen to problems and talk about good stuff. But we SUPPORT and don't COMPETE (at least not in a way that we would stress about it... maybe joking competition or something). So yeah, if you think friendship is about you being hotter, smarter, and having a sweeter smile so that you are BETTER than your friends, I can see that you would have a problem finding real friends. But, it sounds like you don't really need any friends either, afterall, who could ever add up to what you already have in yourself?
Sorry to be so straightforward, but it sounds like you have a "poor little perfect me" thing going on...Advertisement
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- Re: Frienship questions mtnndeww
21 y
3,026
This is a reply to # 595,159Well, it goes like this NY. If you're "...sexy, smart, and well-educated" and still lonely, there's something YOU'RE DOING WRONG. Could it be "personality"? Could be. Could it be that you're just dreadful at choosing friends? Maybe. It's really tough to decipher the truth on a message board like this because we don't know the truth about you. Are you bitchy? I know plenty of bitches that are sexy...and lonely. Are you overly-competitive? Plenty of lonely women climbing the corporate ladder out there. Examine how others react to you, not you to them but strangers and acquaintances to you. My bet is that you are not approachable, not easy to talk with, and somewhat detached. Am I getting warm? Sexy, well-educated women HAVE FRIENDS and HAVE RELATIONSHIPS. You say that you don't...hmmmm...
- Re: Frienship questions zule
21 y
3,043
This is a reply to # 595,159Hello
I hope I can help you a little.
Real friendship exits. It is wonderful and can make your life happy and worthy.
Real friendship is about opening your heart. When you have a real friend usually you talk about your needs, your worries, your wishes, you enjoy sharing and listening. Usually a real friend will listen to you when you feel sad, or are having problems, and you feel happy if you can listen and help. Also real frienship is about little things, like sharing joy and good time.
When you open your heart, it does not matter if you are hot or smart. It is about a human being needing company and love and giving company and love.
If your friend is having problems or feeling sad, you listen to her or him.
Friendship is about love, compassion, forgiveness, honesty and COMMUNICATION.
One thing that hurts friendship are false assumptions, and superficiality. It is not about giving and impression, it is about being who you are.
If your friend hurts you, you may feel sad, or angry, but if your friend is capable to talk to you openly and honestly, and your receive the message you can overcome those feelings.
I am not perfect, so I cannot tell you anything else. But I hope that you can realize that friendship can be great if you let love and trust enter in your life.
Blessings and love.
Zule
- Re: Frienship questions Fountain of Youth
21 y
2,926
- Re: Frienship questions Am
21 y
2,897
This is a reply to # 595,179So how do you meet sincere friends?? The ones you can rely on and do non-superficial stuff with? I don't really have any...no-one i can count on completely. I'm only 22...it shouldn't be that hard!
- Re: Frienship questions mtnndeww
21 y
2,906
This is a reply to # 595,190Advertisement
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Listen...I can tell you from personal experience that once into your 40's you can rely on VERY FEW FRIENDS to actually be trusted upon. Throughout college you've got a whole host of friends because you're all in the same situation, sort of a "team" of friends. Once out in the job force you carry very, very few of those college buds with you for obvious reasons. Then once you are in a steady job you develop "secondary" friends...ones that you see daily but really don't want much more than that from. I can count the really good friends I have on one hand...and I'm a guy that had friends "in spades" during college. I knew hundreds of folks on a first-name basis, but they didn't rise up throughout the years as solid or reliable as you say. Don't concentrate on how many, but how good are the few friends you have. Trust me, the older you get the less you will actually see of those friends because of your own family matters.- Re: Frienship questions Am
21 y
2,894
This is a reply to # 595,192You know, someone else said that to me...'you can count them on one hand'...maybe it's true. I guess i should work on a few GREAT relationships rather than worrying about those friendships that haven't lasted. I'm already at that point where those so-called 'friends' i had in high-school seem so superficial. I feel like they drag me down. I've just recently broken away from 'the group' and it's a lot better, but now i have very few friends. Hey, but i guess that's ok.
- Re: Frienship questions Am
21 y
2,894
- Re: Frienship questions just_peachy
21 y
2,897
This is a reply to # 595,190Just be yourself and be friendly. Friends come in multiple levels, some are fair weather, others will be there for support - time and circumstances will tell.
- Re: Frienship questions Am
21 y
2,863
This is a reply to # 595,195I feel superficial when i make small talk with people that i really don't see as true friends.
- Re: Frienship questions Fountain of Youth
21 y
2,916
This is a reply to # 595,196It's being social (small talk). Otherwise you would just be anti-social and rude. But seriously, a few great friends are better than loads of medium to low grade friends. I have many, many acquantainces that I enjoy being around, but I know they are aquantainces and that's it. I can have fun with people that I don't know well, but I am very picky about who I choose to depend upon and trust with all my heart. By the way, I only have about 4 friends like that, and one is way out ahead of the crowd.
- Re: Frienship questions just_peachy
21 y
2,798
This is a reply to # 595,196So do I. I'm really lousy with small talk, just horrible. (You'd never know by my copious writing, though. LOL)
Mostly, I listen. People appreciate it when you *really* LISTEN to them. Just listen, and the right comments will come, even if they're just short little acknowledgements that you're listening.
It's easier to find people whom you resonate with, whom you feel you would really like to get to know better if you get out among people and listen to what they have to talk about. From there, with a little attention and a sharing, friendships grow. =)Advertisement
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”I was surprised by the effectiveness of it, and I wasn’t hungry.”
- Re: Frienship questions #29919
19 y
3,154
This is a reply to # 595,198I used to think something major was wrong with me. I made lots of friends but when most of those relationships were tested...most of them failed. I felt used quite a bit because I like to help people out. Took me a while to understand that people will use a person like me and then dump them.
I now have two people I can trult call my "friend." They care to listen if I need them to and give me advice if that's what I'm looking for and visaversa. I still have lots of people with whom I associate, have in my home, help out etc...but they are pretty much in the acquaintence category.
Yep...count them on one hand is accurate.
- Re: Frienship questions #29919
19 y
3,154
- Re: Frienship questions Fountain of Youth
21 y
2,916
- Re: Frienship questions Am
21 y
2,863
- Re: Frienship questions mtnndeww
21 y
2,906
- Re: Frienship questions Fountain of Youth
21 y
2,926
- Re: Frienship questions Fountain of Youth
21 y
3,031
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