...whatever you're looking for. it's not there.
And the "cure" is not a bottle of iodine, either. Although I surely hope that you'll check in here and let us know what's up and stuff.
And the cure is not in your group of partying friends(I guess you know that), and it's not in any of your sexual partners(I guess you found that out, too:).
J%%$$#zusss Christo, I'm glad that you're ok. I've thought about you a lot. It amazes me how emotionally attached I become to some words on a screen!!!!!
What's up? what are you looking for?
I think that it may not be as difficult to find as you're making it.
It's as easy as realizing what it is that you enjoyed, as a child. Keep doing it.
Like to look at bugs? Go on a hike, look at some bugs. Like to care for animals? Volunteer at your local animal shelter. Like kids? I'm sure that someone that you know has one, or two. that you can spend some time with, take some pressure off the parents. Find some old farts that wanna talk, take some time and let them jabber away(It's the human connection, without that we're not alive, same thing...sort of, not really, as random sex).
I'm trying to say, maybe not so eloquently, that you need to change your focus. Not completely, mind you, because you're obviously not happy, you need some work. But do NOT focus on yourself 24/7. It's TOO MUCH.
While you work on Trysten, you can surely reach out and help others. And you don't even have to "help". Just CONNECT. And connect in a way that has absolutely NOTHING to do with your youth and your beauty. Because you ARE young and beautiful, no doubt, zits or no.
It's a hard world out there,sweetie. And there are those that will surely use you up and toss you away when they're done getting whatever it is they think that they need from you. As a young woman, you really have to watch it.
You have to be strong, you have to stay focused.
You need to learn to say NO. to others and YOURSELF.
What you are going through, most of us have(and continue to struggle with, here & there).
WHY do people do drugs & drink? Because it's FUN. It's GREAT to be away from hum-drum life(and all the chores). And, we want to touch the divine. It's out there....
WHY do people have sex? Well, that's a no-brainer! Feels GREAT! Awesome, intimacy, human connection(maybe I'm NOT really alone on this planet).
The problem with sex, though, in particular, is that if your partner is not on the same plane as you, you end up feeling like a sperm-bank. So, sex as a result of purely physical attraction(maybe with some chemical/alchohol-induced loosening up) ...really doesn't work. You need the LOVE thing.
& how do you get that? Gotta love yourself, first.
And love does not mean giving yourself any little sensory pleasure that wafts through your world. You've seen where that leads you.
You've got to learn to temper yourself.
egads, enough already. You're a smart young thing. Just tell me that you know all of this. And that you're going to start believing it.
It's all inside of you. It ain't out there.
ps. check your in-box