Re: I hope you read this

I can promise you that those who engage in self-destructive behaviors are harder on themselves than anyone else possibly could be! In fact... it is those very internal 'tapes' that perpetuate the cycle of the behaviors that the 'tough lovers' are trying to help break. They consciously or unconsciously crucify themselves for every little 'flaw' and 'imperfection'... and then punish themselves when things are going well because... on some level... deep down they don't believe they deserve to feel good. The very last thing they need to hear is others echoing the very same critical voices that torment them in their head already!

As for 'love and light' messages... I can only speak for myself. My position doesn't come from some superficial airy fairy... 'everything's supposed to feel good' place. It comes from a deep respect and honor of another human being... especially as an adult... that they are perfectly capable of finding the answers to any problems that they might wish to resolve. While I will offer suggestions or advice... I respect that the person has the right to accept or reject them as they are the only ones who know what is appropriate for them. This is also the reason that whenever I work with clients... I make it a point to ask them what it is they are wanting from me. I don't give them answers... but rather direct them back to themselves. I may tell them what I would do... if in a similar situation. However... we are each responsible for our own lives and the consequences... both negative and positive... that result from our own actions. No one is a expert of another human being other than themselves... and no one knows better what their circumstances are and what they need to do.

I can also tell you that I was very nearly 'tough loved' to death! And while the intentions behind it may be well-meaning... in practice... a great deal of harm can be done! Can positive things come from it? You bet they can... and I'm in the process of making that happen! That is the choice that I make. However... that doesn't absolve the 'tough-loving-do-gooders' of their responsibility for the damage! Tweet