Am I destined to DIE?

Please - can anyone help me? I am at the end of my rope and I cannot figure out what is wrong with me. I have long since given up conventional medicine because I have had such great success in natural cures but I cannot figure this out....

Here is my day: I used to wake up great, now I am glued to the sheets and don't want to get up. I wake up jittering, nervous, anxious, with heart jumps, flutters and palps. I have nightmares all night and wake up sometimes shaking and jittery. My mornings are terrible - I usually have a breakdown of some sort, crying, emotional, angry and the nervous, aggitated, irritable, jittery thing - like I had 100 cups of coffee AND YET at the same time, I am totally exhausted with no energy or get up and go.

I usually feel mediocre the rest of the day except for heart skips, a bit of jittering and a cloudy, tired feeling like I don't want to move out of the house. I stress easily, everything bothers me, I cry from anything and sometimes have fits of anger where I even scream, hit and kick. I feel like I am losing my mind. I thought it was the worlds worst hypoglycemia but sometimes food CAUSES it. Type of food makes no difference - carb, protein, fat - my body HATES food, it hurts my stomach, makes me sluggish - I would fast but when I try, I get these freakish drops and anger fits which is what made me think hypoglycemia in the first place. I have done extensive fasting and cleansing so maybe I am bizarrely deficient in something?

I just don't feel like myself. I want to kill myself every day because I struggled SO HARD to be healthy, doing everything from losing over 100 pounds, to curing all my problems and getting off all meds, fasting, colonics - you name it. This all started 2 months ago after a stupid run of bulimia (puked about 10 times a day for a few months). I think I damaged my heart or pancreas or both because the unstable blood Sugar type reactions I have are NOT TYPICAL! As I said, sometimes eating actually brings them on. I feel helpless and hopeless. Vitamins and food used to be my power to CURE but they just HURT me, however, I have lost my ability to fast. When I drink juices or eat fruit (also a major cure for me in the past) I get deathly sick without explanation. My hormones, insulin - BONKERS.

I have muscle achiness and weakness, almost pain in the joints like a flu. I have never felt anything like this and it doesn't follow any textbook definition. Plus, I am starting to GAIN weight from trying to eat "healthy" and "normally" and I worked SO HARD to naturally lose it. So here I am 25 lbs fatter, hands trembling, crying, aching, confused, don't feel like myself and don't know what the hell is happening to me. Adrenal burnout? Thyroid? Pancreas? ALL OF THE ABOVE? I have done so many things to my body, I think maybe it is just dying.... I am only 30! But I have lost over 100 lbs, starved, puked, had extensive surgery for excess skin, artery punctured, blood transfusion, and lots and lots of stress. Maybe my body just wants to stop fighting???? Even now, my heart is just pounding, I am dizzy and gross and want to lay down. PLEASE HELP ME. I miss me so much. I used to be FUNNY, I wrote a book that is supposed to be a bestseller but I wont release it until I am well, it would make me money and be the start of a wonderful time in my life. PLEASE GOD WHAT DO I DO? I AM LOST AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIND MYSELF AGAIN..
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