Re: I need help fast: Serious family problems, long message *edit*

The one being that helped me was God, parazapper. I've dealt with abuse my entire life and I'm sick of it.

I can't get a job quite yet because I can barely handle school - nevertheless 2 jobs and school. I've been sick for the past number of years - not just an eating disorder that had me in the hospital but I suffered complications from my ED that left me with surgery. I'm still weak, tired, and have health problems. Hence my being on Curezone and seeing a naturopath. I'm tired of doctors who keep prescribing me medications, I want to really heal. I've never been in more pain than I was over the past year. Both physical and emotional pain - and I've bee through a lot of pain in my life. Everytime i think it couldn't get worse, it always does.

Right now I'm just trying to finish my B.A somehow and gain control of my health. It doesn't help that I'm stressed 24/7 over my "family".

If you read my previous messages, you'll find that my mother does not appreciate the things I do for her. She's very negative and complains about everything. To her, everything I do is bad. I just need to stop caring about her opinion on me for my own sanity and emotional health. Otherwise I'll criticize myself to death and I'll never feel "good" enough. It's easier for her to use me as a scapegoat than to admit she's been married 3 times to abusive losers, than to leave her husband yet again and get divorced like any healthy person would.

I've spent 19 years trying to gain her approval to no avail. I will not waste another 19 years trying to please her.

Thank you wombat, 42781 and SoulfulSurvivor for your replies!! It is so kind of you to take the time to respond. They did help. Though I was hesitant to reply right away because wombat and 42781 were arguing :) I kind of have enough drama right now lol.

For now I'm still at my dad's until New Years. Then I start school. I'm only going to live part-time with my mother and stay far away from her. My grandparent's house is empty for the winter, so I hope to stay there. *fingers crossed* My dad said I could stay at his place as well, but my dad is... he's not the best person to be around. Not the healthiest mentally. He's abusive husband #2. So far, he's been fine with me though. On his best behaviour, although all he ever talks about is himself.

I hope to one day have a real home.

Don't worry about me continuing the cycle of abuse. I try and learn as much as possible from my own mistakes as well as others. My mom taught me how NOT to be a parent. I know I have it in me to be a healthy adult someday.