Re: I need help fast: Serious family problems, long message

First of all, don't be surprised if this thread gets moved to the realationship support forum...

Everyone's life is their own to do with as they choose. That is an INCREDIBLY hard thing to accept, when we see our loved ones making the choices that they do, especially choices that lead to chronic ill health and possible untimely death...and at the very root of THAT, when that person making those choices is a parent...we have our child's mind...that says...my mom will NEVER leave me...if my mom REALLY loved me...she will NEVER die...

Of course you don't want your mom to get sick and die! Of course you want to see her healthy and enjoying a long life...AND you need someone to show YOU that life is a gift, a treasure...You do have your own knowledge of that...however, wouldn't it be nice to see some examples of people living happy, healthy lives? I'm sorry, sweetie, but there is a very distinct possibility that you will not find that in your birth family. It CAN be found elsewhere:) I would imagine that you've built up quite an elaborate self protective behavioral system, given the neglectful, abusive circumstances that you come from... SO...in order for you to be able to find the treasure that life is, there are some things that you must do. You must examine your own behaviors, ESPECIALLY the behaviors that you have devised to protect yourself...because these behaviors are reactionary...and these behaviors will impede you in your search for a good life. And you need to do this soon. A clear vision of who you have become RELATIVE to the influences that you were raised with will be an invaluable tool in your personal growth...and a catalyst for change.

I'm really sorry that it seems that the only positive reinforcement you got as a child was relative to the way that you look. That is very shallow, and very unfair. I have no idea what you look like physically. But I can certainly see that you are a very bright, articulate, and caring young woman.

I can't tell you EXACTLY what to do. You are certainly not homeless. It sounds as though you might not be living in the home that you would wish to live in...

Really, it all boils down to this. In your current situation(financial dependence) you are "beholden" as in...it would definitly be in your best interest to figure out how to get along. Bite your tongue! I'm sure that everyone knows how you feel about things at this point anyway, so chill!

The thing is you see how things "should" be...and I KNOW that your heart is in the right place..but, guess what? Other people are taking it as a criticism, they're feeling that YOU feel that they're not good enough. It's only natural that they would get defensive and hostile...See? Your behavior is not working. It is having the OPPOSITE of it's INTENDED effect. So step back...figure out another way.

And you know what? You need to be honest about your family to others. It is no mark against you, you did not choose this. And you will be shocked to find out how many others have similar, or far worse, stories. It is very healing to be able to talk about these things.

Once again, I hope I helped a little. I really did come from very similar circumstances and I think that you and I are very much alike...

Oh, you know who you should check out? Guy Finley! He's an author, I have "Let go and Live in the Now"...FABULOUS book!

And he also has a radio show...the archives can be found on
http://www.achieveradio.com


:) Tweet