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I need help fast: Serious family problems, long message... Please
 
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Published: 18 y
 

I need help fast: Serious family problems, long message... Please


So... This is a REALLY long message.

I just need some advice. Or someone to talk to. I'm not sure where to post this an I'd like a response ASAP, so I thought I'd post it here.

Here's my history: I'm 19, my mom's husband (not my dad) has been verbally/emotionally abusive since I was about 10. He got cancer and completely changed into an angry, bitter person and takes it out on others. He's in remission now, but has still had health problems on and off. He took a lot of anger out on me when I was little, and my mom just let him, I guess she felt sorry for him, I don't know. So I became very angry with her and him. They still treat me this way. My sister and I have always been rivals, my mom doesn't see it but she can only love one of us at a time. She plays favourites, but she just doesn't recognize it - she's always supporting one or the other and making us compete for her love. So my sister and I fight all the time when we're together. To put it roughly, there's a lot of tension in my household. Fighting all the time, and it's blamed on me because I'm the one who reacts to the stress. My mom says "in one ear and out the other" with his behaviour, and I can't do that. I'm tired if it. So I get upset and ask my mom why he's still here, why she lets this happen, she gets very defensive and says I'm "attacking" her (I'm not, I'm just telling her it hurts me, and what is she going to do about it). I don't speak to her husband, I'm scared of him and I hate him for bringing such negativity around. I feel like it's maybe easier for my mom to blame me than admit that she made a mistake in marriage yet AGAIN (this is her third marriage, and she was in a previously abusive marriage before this one, but she left that one because he was physically abusive - I guess she thinks this situation is not as bad, I don't know).

My mom decided it would be a good idea for my sister and I to go in a Christmas holiday for 2 days. I had a bad feeling about it but my mom said she already bought the tickets so I had to go. So basically it was a disaster, fighting all the time. I feel the ganged up on me, I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy. I wanted an hour to myself in the bath because I was stressed and my sister 2 seconds later is slamming on the door screaming for me to let her in. My mom supported her and also yelled. I just wanted an hour to sit and read my book in peace, and it was so cold in the hotel. So I yelled back and from then on the rest of the holiday was nothing but yelling and screaming. We went shopping, we went into the stores my sister wanted to go into, but whenever I wanted to go into a store my mom and my sister just stood at the entrance together looking bored and slightly annoyed. I told them this, and my mom got mad and said it was in my imagination, they don't care what stores I go into. But they didn't even come in with me. I went into my sister's stores, so did my mom. My sister got to show my mom what she liked, ect... I didn't. So we screamed and yelled some more.

On the way home, my mom and my sister stopped at various places to eat. I'm vegan and I don't eat over-processed food or grains right now, and there wasn't anything for me at these places. So I had to sit and watch in the cafe while they ate massive sandwiches and pasta. Then in the car, I hadn't eaten anything for 6 hours so I asked my mom to stop someplace so I could get a salad. I also suffer from anorexia, so my blood Sugar was really low and I was getting a bit delusional and anxious and depressed. I started to cry when my mom said no - I hasn't eaten anything all day except when I juiced at 9:30am. My mom got mad (probably thinking I'm a drama queen yet again) so an hour later she stopped at Wendy's and I got a plain lettuce salad. I had some olive oil in my purse that I take with me, so I was able to use that. it helped a bit. But we were both angry and exchanged words. But juice and lettuce all day? I hadn't gotten groceries in a few days because we were leaving on the trip, so there wasn't anything in the fridge. My mom originally said she'd take me to the grocery store on the way home, and because she was mad she said she wouldn't take me now, and I couldn't get groceries for the rest of the week because she wouldn't give me any money for groceries. My mom always pays because I'm at school, and I don't have any money, everything in my bank account goes toward my university tuition - and I just sent the cheque in for the next semester before we left. I'm at zero in my balance. So I'm so upset. And then she comes storming into my room and tells me to call my dad, because she doesn't want me around anymore. I have to stay with him until the next school semester starts, because she doesn't want to see me. And then her husband comes up the stairs and starts yelling at me that I'm not to EVER come back, that I'm not welcome in their house and they never want to see my face again.

So I'm sitting here.. crying. My dad is coming tomorrow to get me. But my school is here, right near where I live and my dad lives an hour away. I can't live with him and go to school, and the program I'm in is specialized, there isn't another one like it nearer to my dad. And my dad is a bit nuts, I don't want to live with him. He's my mom's second husband, the abusive one. I'm scared. He's never been physically abusive to me... but I've never lived with him and he's very controlling. He and his fourth wife just separated in September, and it's been suggested there was abusive involved in their separation.

My friend said I could live with her for a bit... but she's even farther away from my school. I already took a year off form school (I'm in first year at university) because of stress from the family situation that was very negatively affecting my health. My mom doesn't believe I'm sick. She thinks I'm lazy. That makes me even sadder and madder because I feel like she should believe me and support me... but then she'd have to see the horrible mess around us and that's too hard for her to admit, maybe. I don't know.

All I know is I have no idea what to do!! I'm so stressed out and upset and depressed and lost. Is it all my fault? I feel like I must be the most awful, horrible person in the world, and how can I be lovable if my own family doesn't even love me? I'm scared of people, of everything because I think maybe they'll hate me or think I'm weird once they get to know me. I only have one friend. My fear got even worse when in grade 11 one of my teachers sexually harrassed me. My mom was supportive at first about that, but after a few months she just began to roll her eyes and not listen. Call me a drama queen. Says I'm just exaggerating. She doesn't really admit my eating disorder either. I've been anorexic for 6 years now, and she doesn't want to see it. I asked her to read some material about anorexia a few years ago but she refused, said it's too hard for her to read. It would have helped me a lot if she had read it, because then I hoped I could talked to her more and it would help her understand where I'm coming from and how she can help. But she doesn't want to help, I guess. I wish I had stability, and I know I don't and I should get over it. But I'm so hurt and angry and sad. I'm always sad.

Is it all me? Is it my fault? What should I do? I know that's such a general question, but I'm so lost and I don't know where else to turn to.
 

 
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