Re: I need help fast: Serious family problems, long message... Please

hi.. i want to help you so i'd rather be frank with my reply.. please don't be offended however..

remember that people have freewill(that includes your mom,sister and dad..), whether they chose to go to the store or just stand in the entrance,it's their freewill. you can't control how people will react.however, what you can control is how you would react to these people's reactoin. it's your choice whether to let it bring you down or brush it off or just learn from it. focus on what's in your circle of control(things you can control) not on what's in your circle of concerns(things you get upset or worry about). sure, the world is not perfect, and everthing won't be just as you like it to be, but you have the choice to be happy or to frown about things not being the way you want it to be. by the way, as i mentioned about freewill, you should not blame yourself on everything that's happening in your family, remember?it is their freewill if they want to be jerks or whatever.just continue to be a good daughter and a good sister.. do your part in the relationship.. whether they do their part or not, let it be. don't take it in yourself. in the end, you won't be blaming yourself because you know you did what you can.

people tend to unconsciously go in cycles. i think that's what's happening to your mom.. i've read that wives experiencing abuse from their exhusbands tends to get into relationship with another abusive man. it goes round and round without them even noticing it. it's like their mind has been set that that is how their ideal man should be. they keep looking for it. the way out is if your mom will consciously try to break the cycle. i want to warn you too, becuz children wid abusive fathers tend to get in a cycle by marrying an abusive husband.

about your mom's favoritism.. don't you have favorites too? all moms have favorites(they're humans too, they're not perfect) although others are not too obvious with their favorites. (try to forgive your mom for all her mistakes and try not doing the same mistake she did, learn frm her mistakes). Try asking yourself, is your worth defined by being your mom's favorite? is your worth defined by being better than your sister? i saw an episode of dr.phil about two sisters that forgot to live their lives because of rivalry. they spent their lives trying to top each other. please don't do that mistake. i mean, get your own life. each person is created uniquely, you have strengths and weaknesses as well as your sister. you have your own worth as a person and let no one dictate what your worth is.

let me quote what you said:
[To put it roughly, there's a lot of tension in my household. Fighting all the time, and it's blamed on me because I'm the one who reacts to the stress.]
i dont think you are the only one reacting to the stress. i think you're all reacting to the stress, but maybe in the wrong way. from what i've read it seems like you are all reacting to the stress by creating some MORE STRESS.. yelling at each other and competing for who gets her way.. instead of striving to understand each other and to compromise. you should try seeing things at each other's point of view.. i know it's difficult,but just try to be more understanding.. see what your mom is going through.. being through rough marriages is no joke you know.. i think your mom is already frustrated wid all these unsuccessful relationships that's y she thought you r attacking her wen you askd y he's still here?.. try to be more considerate of oders and think wer they're coming frm

communication is the best way to resolve a conflict. try to talk to your mom about the conflicts as well.. but remember that you're not there to get your way but to explain your side and to try to see things from your mom's point of view. when your mom is telling you something negative about yourself,instead of being defensive ryt away, try to listen first, try to really understand wat your mom is saying, ask yourself if it's really true and ask yourself why would your mom say that?where did she get that idea?where did that come from? ask her that aswell.. i'm sure it did not just come from nowhere. then explain your side.

i know you may not agree.. but frankly i think u and perhaps also your mom and sister r quite self-centered.. gee i dont know.. or maybe that is just how u reacted to the stress, by trying to get in each other's nerves. and no offense.. i think you shud try being more flexible.. i mean about the food.. i do respect that u're a vega but atleast i could have eaten d sandwich bread.. it's made of wheat anyway..

and during d shopping.. y giv a damn if they won't come in d store.. it's not lyk they're the store ryt? and it's really okay if you're mom won't see wat u lyk.. if u really lyk it, then buy it. u don't need her opinion.. it's no big deal.

i think you should get medical assistance wid that anorexia.. i think you're mom's not taking it seriously

i think you should chose to stay wherever it is most convenient to you.. look at the pros and cons.. can you take all d stress u're family is giving u if you'll stay there wid dem? or wud u rather travel far? travelling is no prob for me since i travel for almost two hours everyday..

[All I know is I have no idea what to do!! I'm so stressed out and upset and depressed and lost. Is it all my fault? I feel like I must be the most awful, horrible person in the world, and how can I be lovable if my own family doesn't even love me? I'm scared of people, of everything because I think maybe they'll hate me or think I'm weird once they get to know me. I only have one friend.]
this is frm a psychology book i read..
when you get negative thoughts lyk this.. try to verify the validity of this thoughts in ur mind. ask yourself y u think people will hate u or think you r weird. do you have any instances to prove this? people won't hate you just because your family hates you.. anyway your family is NOT all the people..

y r u afraid of people? don't you know they r just as afraid of rejection as u r? they're just lyk u.. completely human wid all those faults and imperfections.. hmmm maybe this is something you can begin improving.. try improving your social skills.. try joining clubs or groups where you can try more exposure wid people. here's what you can do.. try talking to a person.. find ur target.. then reflect after the interaction.. what do u think d person thought about you? what impression do you think you gave that person? r u satisfied wid d interaction? r der things u want to improve? imagine in ur mind how u wud hav wanted it instead.. den try dat nxt tym.. set goals for urself.

and just to tell you.. of course you r not d most horrible person in d world.. God has created you and you r special.you r His masterpiece in every way. He has wonderful plans for you. learn to love urself. how will oders love you don't love yourself d way u r?try dis.. list all d things you lyk about urself den list d things dat u want to improve and try achieving those goals. i've been doing it.. it really works. i'm still trying to improve on myself.. i promise once you're able to achieve a goal you'll feel a lot better about yourself. try self growth.. i'm working on it.

you don't know how blessed you r.. u have a family(others dont) though they may not be exactly as you wanted them to be but you've got these SPECIAL people to love and to care for. you'll really learn so much in loving them.. and you'll also grow as a person. you're mom isn't that bad, she pays your grocery expenses after all.. neglectful moms don't do that. atleast it shows she does care for you. you r blessed to have d opportunity to go to school.. you still got a home in u're oder dad's.. though he may be abusive, just think about the people hu doesn't have a home. and you got a friend.. a good friend definitely to have offered you a place to stay. one thing i learned in lyf is that no matter how many problems there are.. the blessings i have outweighs them all. though my toe was so swollen, i'm just happy my other 9 fingers isnt. btw when everybody fails you, just turn to God for comfort and security. He will never let you down. phew this is sooo sooo long already.. hope this helps however.. dont be sad anymore.. if u nid help i'll be here. take care and Godbless..



Tweet