Re: crack & alcohol addicted boyfriend who I called police on - I still love him and can't seem to let go

This message is in reply to Marylo message. Hello Marylo! sorry I'm just now getting back to you - been kind of busy etc anyways I want to thank you for your nice message to me and for your good advice for some reason I seem to cry sometimes when I'm with my new boyfriend The following are the reasons: 1)because I'm afraid I'm going to lose him. 2)because I'm getting older and I'm 13 years older then him. 3)because although we spend lots of time together - practically live together but I feel we are very limited as to what we do together since he is afraid to spend any money so we can have a little bit of fun - and I was crying about this again tonight - I almost gave him an altimatum but I'm afraid it didn't work - tonight I tryed to get him to take me out to eat and then for couple drinks (he might not of directly said "no" but the answer was "no" anyways) 4) I tell him I love him very much as I want to have fun with him. nothing I say seems to work it does hurt that he won't take me out and he could well afford to spend a little on entertainment 5) I get pretty depressed about this allot of times. I want him to take me out on dates - doesn't have to be all the time but even twice a month if not once a week 6) he will do things with me - just so they are free we took a very nice walk together one lovely evening but most entertainment does cost at least a little I try to tell him that I'm not picky - he doesn't have to spend much money on me (on us) to make me happy. I know other women would probably not tollerate this at all. matter fact as soon as I saw this pattern I should have took a stand but I failed to do this 7) I also cry because although he says he loves me - it took him around about 4 months (this being the 5th month of our relationship) to tell me he loved me and I sort of pryed it out of him somewhat telling him that if he really didn't love me I just couldn't stand it any longer - that I really wanted to find a man that could love me and that I need him to love me but I'm not sure I'm convinced he loves me - he is loving and affectionate - he provides me the loving kind of needs but I'm always the one who initiates the love making I get depressed and I'm just not sure what I should do. Sometimes I feel that I just couldn't stand the heartbreak if me and him split up. I find myself frustrated with my life. I've been unhappy with my circumstances of my life for years I might as well say. I did manage to escape this boring area I live in for a year and a half - I've lived in this town for 27 years minus the 1.5 years 2003-2004 I managed to live in another state but didn't have much fun there either - not the exciting life I thought I was moving to. but then me and my son we had some good times there in the other state it was a relief to get out of here for awhile but I needed to come back here as I was worried about my elderly mother and it's a good thing I did since my dear mom passed away July this year - I had a few very nice visits with my sweetheart of a mother before she died. She is still missed very much. I just feel like my life is passing me by. I'm not living where I want to live and I'm not having the kind of fun I would love to be having. why is it I just can't be happy with my boyfriend - I mean I've never really had a boyfriend like this before - I was married twice and I had no boyfriends hardly at all until I was in my mid 40's and all those poor people devastated by that terrible hurricane - lots of people died as a result - lots of people hurt and still suffering so what reason do I have to be depressed yet I feel depressed is it really all that bad to want more out of life then you have - to wish for more quality of life - more really neat, fun experiences especially with this man I love so much and I'm so afraid of losing him tonight I'm trying to convince myself that the other wonderful things about our relationship (the loving attention, the holding, kissing & cuddling, the beautiful love making and all the talking we do together - we are like best friends & best lovers combined) so I try to convince myself that all the loving attention (mentioned above) is more fun/wonderful then all the dates we could go on yet I still find myself wanting and wishing we could have lots of fun together or at least a little fun - as far as doing things together - like going out for coffee or couple drinks (even just sodas) or some other activity I mean he won't even take me out for a cup of coffee. it's very difficult to understand him though I try very hard I try very hard to accept things the way they are - the way they might always be - even when he get a good paying job in the near future hopefully after he finishes his schooling most probably this Dec. plus I look at his culture and try understanding that way so any advice anyone can give me will be very helpful Sincerely, #40885 Tweet