Sorry to tell you but you do need to forget this man if you want to keep yourself in good mental a physical health.
I think you are co-dependet in a certain way. You are addicted to thid man. It hurts but you can´t leave him.
What is it inside you that keep you with him? Deal first with your own co-dependency. You have to take are of yourself first of all.
Hope you get the strenght to do it. None says it is easy.
Good luck........