A Harder Truth

NO matter how much you like this guy, I advise against recanting what you said to the police. It would perjure you, and create a permanent “documentation” in police records of supposed mental problems for you. Why would you want to do that? It’s ridiculous. Your boyfriend is responsible for the result of his actions, not you. You are not responsible for feeling so unsafe that you needed to call the police.

That said, I know it is terribly hard to watch someone you love do things that you know are bad for him. With drug addiction it is particularly is hard. It is like watching someone stick their hand into a fire because their hands feel warm at first, and that feels good. You know they will get burned, and you really want them to stop, but all they see is that they want to feel good for a few seconds, because it is really nice to have warm hands. You have to watch them do this to themselves, even though you can see how much it is hurting them, and may end up killing them. You wish so much for them to change. You love them and you want them to see that there is _so_ much else out there that they could have that would make them feel way better than that stupid high-- You see things they don’t even realize they’re missing. In your case, you love your boyfriend so much. Probably more than anything you want him to care as much about himself as you care about him. But he is so intent on the good feeling of the high that he’s willing to sacrifice everything for it.

That my girlfriend, is how he is exactly like you. EXACTLY like you. You are sacrificing the many great things you could have. You could have a beautiful relationship, love, and a person of character who would treat you well, but instead you are sacrificing your life, just as he is sacrificing his. The only person you can change in this scenario is yourself. You can choose to treat yourself with love and compassion. That means learn to expect and demand things for yourself in life that reflect self-love. Desire the whole piece of cake, don’t be satisfied with a forkful that has fallen on the ground and is dirty (just because it is cake and it tastes good), get a WHOLE piece. Don’t settle for this guy. Desire a man who has the good qualities this one has, plus a whole lot more other good qualities, and without all the bad. No dirt. Desire more, expect more, and don’t put up with less.

If you want to bring yourself more happiness than you have ever experienced, figure out how you’ve got to where you are. You have gotten what you have learned to expect from life. Change your expectations. Desire big, and don’t settle for anything less; people who get great things and great relationships don’t settle. Getting what you want means surrounding yourself in life with people who can help you get those things. You will become like the people you hang around, so choose to hang around people you want to be like.

You could probably stand to find a whole new crowd. Find people who have what you want, and start hanging around them. Join clubs, do whatever you have to do get yourself around positive people who expect a lot out of life. It may take you a while to feel comfortable, but you will eventually fit in, because as you change your expectations of yourself, others will see that change and change what they expect of you as well.

Good luck and God be with you. Listen to your inner voice.
Gardeninginthefog

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NO matter how much you like this guy, I advise against recanting what you said to the police. It would perjure you, and create a permanent “documentation” in police records of supposed mental problems for you. Why would you want to do that? It’s ridiculous. Your boyfriend is responsible for the result of his actions, not you. You are not responsible for feeling so unsafe that you needed to call the police.

That said, I know it is terribly hard to watch someone you love do things that you know are bad for him. With drug addiction it is particularly is hard. It is like watching someone stick their hand into a fire because their hands feel warm at first, and that feels good. You know they will get burned, and you really want them to stop, but all they see is that they want to feel good for a few seconds, because it is really nice to have warm hands. You have to watch them do this to themselves, even though you can see how much it is hurting them, and may end up killing them. You wish so much for them to change. You love them and you want them to see that there is _so_ much else out there that they could have that would make them feel way better than that stupid high-- You see things they don’t even realize they’re missing. In your case, you love your boyfriend so much. Probably more than anything you want him to care as much about himself as you care about him. But he is so intent on the good feeling of the high that he’s willing to sacrifice everything for it.

That my girlfriend, is how he is exactly like you. EXACTLY like you. You are sacrificing the many great things you could have. You could have a beautiful relationship, love, and a person of character who would treat you well, but instead you are sacrificing your life, just as he is sacrificing his. The only person you can change in this scenario is yourself. You can choose to treat yourself with love and compassion. That means learn to expect and demand things for yourself in life that reflect self-love. Desire the whole piece of cake, don’t be satisfied with a forkful that has fallen on the ground and is dirty (just because it is cake and it tastes good), get a WHOLE piece. Don’t settle for this guy. Desire a man who has the good qualities this one has, plus a whole lot more other good qualities, and without all the bad. No dirt. Desire more, expect more, and don’t put up with less.

If you want to bring yourself more happiness than you have ever experienced, figure out how you’ve got to where you are. You have gotten what you have learned to expect from life. Change your expectations. Desire big, and don’t settle for anything less; people who get great things and great relationships don’t settle. Getting what you want means surrounding yourself in life with people who can help you get those things. You will become like the people you hang around, so choose to hang around people you want to be like.

You could probably stand to find a whole new crowd. Find people who have what you want, and start hanging around them. Join clubs, do whatever you have to do get yourself around positive people who expect a lot out of life. It may take you a while to feel comfortable, but you will eventually fit in, because as you change your expectations of yourself, others will see that change and change what they expect of you as well.

Good luck and God be with you. Listen to your inner voice.
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