Re: crack & alcohol addicted boyfriend who I called police on - I still love him and can't seem to let go

This message is to the nice woman who was married to a drug addict and she gave me very good advice.

Hi,

I'm very grateful to you for your letter.

I saw my substance abuser yesterday and played some pool with him.
When I got home I cryed some because I was wishing I could have gone home with him. The police told him to keep his distance from me and they said if anybody called them to his house again and I was there - they would arrest both of us. So he said I could never, ever go over there again. He's afraid I will call the police again.

Then later last night I realized how futile it would be to continue to see him even out in public and hoping things could change and we could be together after awhile.

My son (age 24) has always told me he didn't care about me. And my son only saw him briefly a couple times. My son determined that just by overhearing how he (my boyfriend) talked to me over the phone. And seeing how upset I was on a few occasions after coming home from my boyfriends.

Yesterday I told him he should stop buying the crack and save to buy a truck so he could start his tree service. And he goes "you'd steal the truck from me" - and considering I'm a very trustworthy honest person I got nowhere trying to tell him "no, I would never steal from you".

And he's not only buying the stupid crack, it appears now he's trying to sell it. He was upset yesterday when I went out to play pool with him - he was upset because he'd bought $150 worth of crack from his drug dealer and he didn't pay for half of that. He trusted this girl to pay the other half after she got down selling close to the whole lot of it. And the girl takes off and doesn't bring him back the crack or any money. So he thinking he was going to make a profit - he only got ripped off. And the drug dealer was suppose to come back after the money fairly soon. And he will have to use money he gets from his room-mate Tuesday and pay $75 for that dame crack out of the $100 he will get from room-mate. And the girl gets away scott free from stealing from him.

I don't have any idea why I'm worrying. I guess I was hoping he would actually take me out for a couple drings Tuesday but he won't be able to do that now anyways.

And I know that I should not call him or see him anymore anyways. What would be the point.

And you're so right he doesn't love or care about me. He only loves that dame crack. And you know I got a little drunk and actually tried the stuff a couple times. And the 2nd time I tried it - it seems to stay in my system (I could tell) for like 2 or more days. Even the high of it I didn't like - I thought it was just aweful - to feel so out of control like realty wasn't with me - to have such an abstract feeling. And stupid people actually pay to feel like that? I don't get it. What in the H is so great about it? I thought it was just horrible. There's no way I would ever smoke any of it again - ever. I hated the feeling it gave me and couldn't wait for it to go away. And even after 3 days I still didn't feel like myself. That was like 2 weeks ago and even still I feel like I'm still not all here - 100% here - like it destroyed some brain cells and I can really tell - just a tiny bit but I still don't feel 100% myself. Almost but just a touch off. So a crack addict is really just killing their own brain cells when they keep taking it correct?
No wonder they are so out of control. When I said out of control for myself I meant that I didn't feel like my concrete reality was completely with me.

and the stupid room-mates who he says hates me because I told the police about all the drug use and that's most of the reason he won't let me back over there

and I know in my heart I really don't want to go back over there to his place anyways - I know that something inside my heart is dead now and things couldn't be the same anyways

plus the fact that he will only keep treating me mean especially if I say one wrong word to any of the room-mates - his enablers and his means to have money to buy his drugs/alcohol

I am kind of worried about something. I'm worried him and all of them will tell this drug dealer than I called the police and I know for the most part what this drug dealers car looks like (the model I'm pretty sure). What if he (Xboyfriend) tells this drug dealer where I live. If just being involved with him means I, especially my son could be hurt or worse, because of it - it would not have been worth it at all.

I'm actually really afraid now. I'm wondering if I should tell the police my concerns. I'm wondering if I should tell them what this drug dealers car looks like. Should I? I'm wondering if I should try to contact his parole officer and express my concerns. What do you think? Should I just do nothing? What if I have already (even doing nothing else) endangered myself and my son? due to my involvement with this man

Should I just not take any actions and just not even call him
(like I told him I would call him tommorrow morning)?

Should I tell him in person I can't see him anymore?

I think I'd rather just not see him because I don't know
I can say goodbye to him in person. I won't be strong
enough to do that.

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