OK
This is starting to freak me out a little bit! I decided to randomly scroll through the other forums on this site and for no reason picked this one and randomly selected your first post (using your anonymous number). Then I read the response and was quite shocked to see that you then replied with your screen name, which I am quite familiar with! I am so sorry to hear about your past. PTree has given you some excellent advice, they must be a therapist. I will say that in the the past I had a feeling you were in California, as am I. As you know from my other posts in the deceased loved ones forum, I told you a few things. I saw that you posted in the spiritualty and a few other forums but purposely didn't reply to your posts because I didn't want you to think I was some kind of stalker! This too weird. I was also a victim of childhood neglect and abuse and as you know, have been suicidal. There is hope and wish you the best.
Take care,
Dave