Emotional Abuse.. Why should I care?

I am 34 years old. Have a great husband and blessing of a daughter.

For as long as I can remember, my mother has emotional, verbally, mental abused me, this is still an ongoing event today. Never physically. However, she did allow her boyfriend (when I was 2-5ish) to physically abuse me. I guess, back in the 70's it was still called punishment. Which today, I could accept if it had been just a swat on the bottom. But, this form of physical abuse was cruel. At least that's how I see it. Have you ever been made to stand in the corner? That was a popular punishment for me. (From the boyfriend). Which I can see has an "okay" disipline, for a short period of time I guess. But, for hours??? 30 years later if I were to go back into that house, I could still tell you extactly how many cracks and creaves ran along the corner. The ugly a** tan colored corner a corner with a corner. I spent more time there than any place else for those 3 years. The corner was just the cruel part the physical part was him kicking me in the butt, with his steel toes boots all the way to the corner. It's a wonder I still have fingers that function. They always got the kicking too, from me trying to cover my buttom up. Ya know, I look back on this and remember it very clearly, it almost makes me want to laugh. Not because it was funny, but because it was one of the nicest forms of punishment. By punishment I mean it was better than the wack with a belt, boy how I wanted to wrap that belt around his neck and PULL! then stick him in the ugly a** tan cracked corner!! I remember one time I was 5 and I was playing by the rose bush, I was twirring around in circles getting dizzy, just most little girls enjoy doing at that age and I heard him yell from the porch "IF YOU KNOCK ANY OF THOSE PETALS OFF THE BUSH, I'M GOING TO KICK IN THE BUTT FOR EVERY SINGLE PETAL!!!" Well, that was the last words I heard as I toppled into the rose bush. Needless to say, there was 107 pretty red petals on the ground. He made me count and pick up each and everyone of them and I did in fact get my butt kicked all the way to the ugly a** tan corner, where i stood for exactly 107 minutes! What a jerk this man was. And, my mother allowed it. When I was 3 I was punished by the dam corner yet again, because I couldn't tie my shoes right. Yes, I said I was 3! He was a real terror of a human being. I'm sure there are plently of memories I've blocked from that time period. But, one of my most favorite horrific moments durning that time was when he threw a snake at me. I was terrified of snanks. I was 5 years old, it was only a grass/garden type snake but to a small 5 year old it might as well had been an anaconda. It landed right on my little legs. BA*****!!!%$%$#$#!!!! I was araid of snakes because by the time I was 5 I had "played with a baby rattle snake", stepped on a cotton mouth, just missed the strike of a full grown diamondback rattler. I didn't like snakes! His idea of weekend entertainment was airboating in the everglades (Florida). Where he use to like to threaten to toss me overboard if I didn't sit still and shut up. So, 29 years later were does this blame fall? On him for his actions or on the woman who gave me life and was suppose to keep me safe from things like this, my mother, yes, mommy dearest! Well, him I haven't seen in 27 years. Her I live next door to in a duplex "we" no I mean she and the step father from H*ll own.
How could a mother allow things like that to happen to her only child a sweet, innocent little girl????
Oh, ya must not forget at the age of 5 I also saved my mother's life when the wacky butcher (occupation) boyfriend pulled out a knife the size of the ones you see in horror films put it to her throat and started to carve. I screamed so loud the entire neighborhood was in our yard before he could even put the knife back in the truck he standing next too. Your welcome Mom.
I should add it is possible that he may have tried at one time or another to kill me (deeply suppressed memories) so suppressed they are already on the other side waiting for the rest of me. A few months after my mother had met him his 2 year old daughter, same age and name as me, drowned in a swimming pool. I have one memory of her and I sitting on the floor rolling a pink ball back in forth. I do believe this is what caused him to HATE me. But, I didn't kill his daughter, her mother was in a hotel room with her boyfriend and the little girl was out wondering around and fell into the pool and drowned.

Okay with all that said (only the start of it) the first 5 years of my life. My question to all of you is this....

Why on earth have do I still have this strong desire to please her and have her approval? My sistuation is as follows for Christmas my husband and I are taking our 13 year old daughter to California. She is a talented aspiring actress, she's been through acting school, audtions for Disney and Nickeloden etc.. The right part has just not come along yet (only been 2 years) anyway, we thought this would be a great experience for her and some piece in quite for him and I. I don't want to come back. I want to stay there. 3000 miles away from this life. I want to start over and give our daughter the opputuntiy of a lifetime. I'm just the opposite as my mother was. With only knowing the first 5 years of my lovely life so far. I know it may be hard to even give advice. I have sooooooooooooooo much guilt about leaving her and my step- monster father. To have a life I want. I'm 34 and never cooked my family (husband and daughter) thanksgiving or christmas dinner. I'm still like the 12 year old.
Please give me one good reason why I should come back. It's not as simple as that, my husband and I own a country store pizza/sub shop. Excellent bussiness. But, I would lock the door and walk away with nothing for a chance at a new, normal life???
I'm so sorry, about all this rambling. it feels good to get it off my chest. There is so much more some that would probably make your straight hair curl.
PLEASE HELP ME!!! If I stay where I am I have 2 choices, I contiune dieing the slow death, that I've been diening (health problems related to all the years of abuse, mentally, obesity ect..) or I say to heck with it. "See ya all on the other side". There is no other way out of this life. Tweet