I am sorry to hear about your trauma from failure. I am sure we all have been there, I have, but water only fast and Liver Cleanses has changed my life. I have never eaten meat, chicken, fish in my life and that is very helpful to me.
Sorry to be hard on you. But you already know why and what happened to you, and now you know that you need to do to get the bull by the horn. You are well on your way in doing so.
Please note that it will take a long time for you to be reset and be healthy. I am glad you posted here, but follow the rules. It is not about calories, it is about putting junk in your body or not, especially when you know what that junk does to you.
Fasting with water only will change your life and college etc. goals will be met much easier.