Been There, I really don't know what to say. You gave everyone here at curezone a very heart wrenching and personal story about you and your experience with feeling pulled between serving your country and justice. If me wondering and asking why you need to be always sorrowful is understood by you as an attempt to make you defensive, then I'm truly sorry. If me telling you what "I" do with "my" sorrow is understood by you as being condescending, then apparently our communications have come to a sad end. There is no way I can prove my sincerity over the internet, but I will continue to ask God to search my heart and remove any of the things you have mentioned and I hope and pray you will do the same.