Re: His friend is not abusive...EDITED

It was not my intention to get into a contest of "I'm right and you're wrong," here in this forum. My intentions are to explore my own path of personal healing and to attempt to educate others about domestic violence and abuse, its social implications, and methods to end just one cycle of abuse, whenever possible.

"...you cannot tolerate the fact that it continues in other's lives." No human being should "tolerate the fact" that abuse is prevalent, ever, whether it is directed at us, personally, or not. Had people intervened in two recent cases in my immediate vicinity, two victims and one suicide might have been averted. Because the abusive behaviors were not aimed at individuals indirectly associated (some were well aware of the physical and emotional abuse in both cases), not one person spoke up to authorities OR to the two women who were victims of domestic violence and abuse and, subsequently, murdered by their abusers. Two women, one man, several children, and dozens of extended family and friends were directly damaged by the murders and suicide of abusers and/or their victims in two separate and unrelated cycles. You can bet your next month's salary that I "cannot tolerate" the cycles of abuse.

My suggestions come from personal experience (as I made quite clear), as well as experience in assisting others to escape violence and abuse. It is a fact that perpetrators of abuse (violent or otherwise) leave a lot of collateral damage that includes people who are not directly involved. It is another fact that "being a friend" to a perpetrator of domestic abuse and violence presents its own pitfalls and tremendous dangers - caution is hardly adequate in attempting to support and encourage an abuser to seek help and healing. It is also a fact that most abusers will never seek to change their behaviors. Once, again: most will never seek to change their behaviors. For a perpetrator of domestic violence and abuse to affect changes in their behavior, it requires monumental courage and honesty, and most abusers are not willing to risk that effort even when they are Court Ordered to do so. That's why Orders of Restraint, though legal, are often laughable - rules and boundaries are not applicable to a perpetrator of domestic violence/abuse, otherwise, they would not have crossed that line, in the first place.

The more that people learn about the dynamics of domestic violence and abuse, the better chances there are that somehow, somewhere, one cycle might be broken. As it is, the statistics of domestic violence and abuse are increasing on a daily basis with episodes becoming more, and more violent. That's mainly the point of providing sites in my responses. There seems to be a general and collective nod in the direction of acknowledging domestic violence and abuse, but very little understanding of the dynamics of the cycle.

Since we haven't heard back from the original poster of this thread, it's my guess that he or she is either taking some time to consider the many excellent suggestions that have been offered and thinking about their role in the perpetrator's life, OR, he or she is wallowing in denial (I did my own fair share of that, and it is typical and to be expected). And, YES, the abusive man mentioned IS being abusive to the original poster! Any time one human being attempts to place the responsibility of THEIR choices upon the shoulders of another (i.e.: my attempted suicide is your responsibility), it is a form of emotional abuse, at the very least. We do not know all of the honest details of this relationship, and it's likely that we never will. But, the original poster IS being used, and enduring mental/emotional abuse, at the very least.

Best wishes and Happy New Year to all at Curezone.com.
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