No one is trying to make you out to be the bad guy, just trying to respond regarding the dynamics you have presented.
I think the answer to your woes is embedded in your very own paragraphs:
"I know within myself that I did the best I could in all areas of life and failed when it came to women. Didn't want to fail, didn't have the mindset to fail...." It's obvious this wasn't a matter of a heart attitude to begin with, but somehow even if you have excelled in most areas of your life, something went wrong in the relationship arena. It appears you have wasted precious energies trying to please the wrong people. Question is -What makes you pick these kinds of women over and over?-
I watched my father die because he didn't have a clue what his wife wanted. Couldn't please her. These were your teachers and they taught you well. You were programmed into whatever their shortcomings were from a very early age. Perhaps you never learned to communicate at deeper levels, and most importantly, perhaps you never learned to 'read' other people's character and behavior. You may be very brilliant, accomplished, gregarious and successful, but if you can't tell a pretty face from a cold or darkened heart then your choices in partners may not yield the best results. All this of course, are just suppositions.
It is very difficult trying to answer to your call of distress without appearing like we are coming against you. We hear someone who starts out as a really nice guy who says he has done everything within his power to be good and pleasing to the women in his life, and then we see him trail off in bitter accusations against all of womankind. It's somewhat disconcerting, you see. Yes there are horrible, abusive men out there, and there are wonderful nice guys. There are also calculating, opportunistic women out there, and then there are truly good, caring women.
For my part all I'm saying is that I hear your dilemma and I feel for you, but I think that somewhere along the lines you have missed something in terms of sorting out potential mates before you commit, and right now you appear to display a kind of passive aggressiveness that is hard to ignore. Rather than throw in the towel, it would be nice to see you embark upon a journey of discovery which would help you to heal and repair your memories as well as the rest of your life.
You never answered the questions I asked you in a post way above.....