thats horrible.. ever after my pregnancy my breasts have been sagging.. do your think triactol bust serum would work? i’m too insecure to have sex because my breasts look aweful after the twins :( please help us   [End]
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Google Kegle exercises and do those to maintain the tone of your vaginal muscles   [End]
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hello Melissa and to anyone else in this forum. I don’t have any problems with libido or impotence, but I do have chronic fatigue, and recently I switched over to an alkaline diet and am drinking an alkaline drink with blackstrap molasses mentioned in the moreless ph acid alkaline forum (is it ok to mention that?) which has tremendously helped (I truly believe that any disease or problem with the body simply means that an individual is out of balance, and one of the main ways to stay in balance is to have an alkaline ph close between 7 and 7.5). However, I still am interested in general w ...
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Hi im starting to have a problem me and my girl didnt peform oral sex on me for a month and when she did I had an orgasim but after that I haven’t had one and she turns me on and is not doing anything wrong but I would like to know why im not orasgiming like I use to it happen a few times after the month and im concorned can u help me thank you or wait another thing she does turn me on and im really inlove   [End]
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Hi, Vaginal orgasms are possi   [End]
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i need hlp i lust my aunty!!! she is 3 years older than me, she too lusts me. we have a mutural understandin of it but never speak of it. how will i go about dealing wit dis issue. ps i wish to pusue her   [End]
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seems like exfoliative cheilitis, you should join us in the peeling lips forum. -MtL   [End]
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Hi, You have rightly described what goes in the practice of tantra. However, their appears to be some misapprehension about ’Tantra’ in the western world. The real word is ’Vighyan Bhairavi Tantra’ - literally translated, ’techniques for going beyond conciousness’. I would be happy to give you more insight into the subject, if you are interested.   [End]
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Glad that you were checked for oral herpes. Yes, nutritional deficiencies could manifest in that way, and alcohol can aggravate certain symptoms. Stomach acid from bulimic purging can also create inflammation in the mouth. Melissa   [End]
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i’ve consulted many doctors and they said its not oral herpes. i had bulimia before last year, could it be caused by insuffient nutrients etc and the alcohol made it come out this way? thanks for e reply.   [End]
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I don’t think alcohol would cause that kind of reaction, but you should have a doctor look at it. Sometime oral herpes can appear the way you described, and a trained health professional would be able to identify what it is and the possible causes. Melissa   [End]
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Sounds like the guy you have now is a step above the other ones you had earlier. All the erotic stuff you were describing goes along with a superficial relationship.   [End]
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hi melissa and all, a few months ago, while drinkin alcohol in a club, my boyfriend french kissed me, and i had a cut in my mouth. and two weeks after the kiss, i had diarrhoea and my lips started to peel. it gets white in contact with water, and now it start to harden and peel every few days. he smokes alot and might be sexually active. my lips still peeling bad, i would like to ask if this could be a reaction due to the kiss? or because of alcohol i drank? cause i seldom drink alot, only that night.. im feelin depressed and regret my actions. its hard for a girl.. thanks for ...
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I’m not promoting any particular sex acts, but rather looking at what is driving sexual behavior. I have worked with women who enjoy having men ejaculate on various parts of their bodies, and I don’t label that porn. Eroticism is a very individual thing, and I focus on exploring the heart connection between lovers during any sex act. If it’s not heart-based, it’s a form of objectification. Melissa   [End]
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Cassie, When i was with women I loved, i wanted to feel close to them when we made love. call it insecurity or sexual shame, or whatever, but cumming on her face? i mean, how can i.... feel closer to her by cumming on her. It would make me feel like shit to do it, even if in some strange way its attractive. you know, i didnt even know this was attractive until this year, it seems in porn thats the most popular thing. But porn is not about love, its kind of about self abuse through sex, if you think about it. It sounds like he is a tender guy, maybe not as aggressive in the sack as y ...
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It sounds like he’s dealing with some sexual shame. None of the behaviors you mentioned don’t have a degrading quality to them. He may have some strong programming around sex from his upbringing. Do you know what his religious background is? That often has an important influence. Melissa   [End]
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Thank you for your answer, but I don’t think he has an active fantasy life either...the ”degrading” behavior we were referring to was that I wanted him to hold my head during oral sex--be a little more aggressive. i also wanted him to ejaculate on me...so maybe I have the problem? He didn’t bring these things up...I did--but he admitted that the latter turned him on, but he just didn’t feel right doing it to me. So...I guess I’m still confused....   [End]
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I don’t think the issue has anything to do with your attractiveness, but I can understand why you might think so. When men have a low libido with their partner but are engaged in an active fantasy life that involves degrading behavior, they may be suffering from a sexual addiction. The number of men who have this condition is staggering, and I believe it is a symptom of the sexual objectification of women in our culture. You might want to look at the book ”Sexual Anorexia” by Patrick Carnes and see if any of the patterns he describes fit your boyfriend’s behavior. Also consider having a fr ...
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Hi Melissa. I assume you’ve heard it all so perhaps you could help me out? I have been dating someone for a year, and we’re both definitely attracted to eachother. He remarks on my appearance all the time and is clearly aroused when we are kissing, hugging, etc. He always achieves an erection and orgasm when we do hook up. However, I’m confused...because in past relationships I’ve had guys who were very ”sexual” sent me erotic text messages, asked for naked pictures, would tell me they couldn’t wait to get home so they ”bleep” me, were all over me all the time. Now, admittedly, this ...
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premature ejaculation is god’s way of saying: ”I don’t want that thing in there when it goes off”. just another way nature prevents particular pregnancies, and no doubt for a good reason, probably relating to either the physical or mental health of the ejaculator. Hell, I’ve had more stress than anybody on this planet, and I never had any premature ejaculation stuff, so I don’t buy the ”stress” argument. The casue arises from an oversensitivity issue, from to an excess of free nitric oxide receptors. The condition may be corrected in many cases by the person ingesting daily reas ...
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the number one cause for premature ejaculation is stress, but there are number of factores that if combined may increase the problem. the steps that you should take in order to stop premature ejaculation are related exactly to that issue: do some yoga, jog , talk to your partner what ever you need to reduce your stress is good enough.  i have written a long article in my blog on premature ejaculation that has great tips you are welcomed to read it: http://stopprematurejaculation.blogspot.com/   good luck   [End]
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Sorry I don’t have the answer to that question. That is not my area of expertise. Melissa   [End]
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Do you know if hirsutic hairs just fall out once one has cured oneself of the condition, or do you have to get rid of the existing stuff, which subsequently just does not grow back?   [End]
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It sounds like your girlfriend is being unreasonable since you did ask your roommate to move out. Have you experienced frequent  episodes of this magnitude of jealousy in the relationship? Melissa   [End]
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Hi, My girlfriend recently got extremely jealous when I had a female roommate move in. There seemed no alternative but to ask the new roommate to relocate. I was not attracted to her at all, and she seemed to be the type of person that would work well as a roommate and possibly even as a friend to my girlfriend. I was really challenged about having to ask the roommate to move, though we all moved past it. The roommate while living in my house repaired a bed comforter by hand with her sewing kit. This having been discovered by my girlfriend made her furious and recreated the jealousy agai ...
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The issues I was referring involve a general fear of intimacy, manifesting as not communicating with you directly and having flirtatious email exchanges with another woman. I wouldn’t be able to tell you the root cause of his fear without working with him.  I don’t think going to counseling is inappropriate for your age. As far as I’m concerned, it’s never too early to learn good relationship skills. All relationships take a certain amount of work. It becomes too much work when both partners aren’t equally committed to healing the relationship, That is my concern in yo ...
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hello, it was rather interesting to read your post about pros and cons, because it i think it really highlights the way that men and women think about swallowing. from the sound of it (and this isn’t necessarily true), my guess is that it IS about the ”tabooishness.” and that’s understandable. as a woman, i think that, somewhere along the line, we are taught swallowing is demoralizing. from your perspective, swallowing would increase intimacy and closeness, but from hers, it may do exactly the opposite. it sounds like you’ve pushed the issue quite a bit. if i were in your position, i ...
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Thanks M, I think you’re absolutely right... I am definitely taking way too much responsibility for making our relationship work. I also agree that his actions are a form of escapism... though from what exactly, I am not sure. You suggested ”his own issues,” and I think you’re right, but could you help clarify what kind of issues you think they might be? I’m not certain if you mean relationship/communication issues, or personal issues (like insecurity, etc.), and I don’t have enough knowledge about this sort of thing to know if these personal issues could manifest themselves in this way ...
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It sounds like you’re taking on too much responsibility for making the relationship work. He should be speaking with YOU about his concerns, not with a female friend that he is having a flirtatious relationship with. My take is that he’s avoiding dealing with his own issues, and his conversations with this friend are a form of escapism. Have you suggested seeing a counselor or coach with him? If he’s truly committed to the relationship, he’ll be open to the idea. Melissa   [End]
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I guess I could have made that a lot simpler! What it boils down to for me is that I have had trust issues in the past with him, though they have been unfounded. Now, it seems like there is a reason to mistrust him, or at least to mistrust him when things aren’t going well between the two of us. It seems like, given a ”rough patch” in our relationship, he is willing to engage in behavior that makes me feel uncomfortable or betrayed - and, to me, him having interest in another person and pursuing that in a verbal or emotional way, feels like just as much of a betrayal as the physical act of ...
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Hi Melissa, My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years, and he is wonderful. Not only do we both know ourselves well, but we are also physically, mentally, and emotionally compatible. We are still young - college-aged - but I know that we both see potential in a long-term, loving partnership. For the past year or so, we have been struggling with maintaining our own individual lives; at some point along the line, we got into the habit of spending every moment with one another, and neither of us ended up being happy. As such, the last few months have presented a real strugg ...
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Was your child vaccinated. Could be adverse reactions to the thimerosal(mercury) from the vaccine.   [End]
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I’m so sorry to hear about your child’s situation. I wish I could advise you about how to proceed, but this is not within my area of expertise. If you would like a referral to someone who may be able to better advise you, send me an email through my website at www.transformnow.com. Melissa   [End]
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I have a two year old who has been suffering with an droopy eyelid now for 1 month (1 week trying to treat at home and 3 weeks to wait for appointment w/ Nationwide Children’s Hospital). After waiting to see my child after almost nearly a month (a crying shame, no pun intended) to see my child they diagnosed my son w/ droopy eyelid (which I and my wife had already expected) and have scheduled surgery for Feb. 8th. We’ve been working fervently to find a more sensible alternitive which doesn’t require surgery to a two year old’s eyelid. CAN YOU PLEASE ASSIST US WITH YOUR EXPERTISE? THANK YOU ...
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Thank you for sharing your experience. I wholeheartedly agree that  a healthy sexual relationship is ultimately about the expression of love and that both partners should be respectful of each other’s preferences. Melissa   [End]
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I have a wife that is anti oral sex with me. I do her, but she will not reciprocate. That said, it’s a taste thing. I have suggested flavoring ideas (use your imagination), with no avail. My advice openly communicate, respect her wishes and remember that ultimately these are all physical expressions of love and wanting to bring pleasure to your partner. Sometimes we have to be willing to give up what we would like, so the experience is a good one for them. Good Luck   [End]
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Sounds like your adrenals might be stressed, and that ususlly results in fatigue and moodiness. You might want to get a check-up with an integrative MD who knows how to assess low adrenal function (looks at DHEA, cortisol, and hormones). One thing you can do immediately to support the adrenals if you don’t have high blood pressure, is drink licorice tea. Also, make sure your blood sugar is balanced - avoid refined sugar and carbs and limit alcohol intake. When your adrenals are strong and your blood sugar is balanced, you will have a lot more energy. Melissa   [End]
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Trying to make a case for why she should swallow isn’t an approach I would recommend. Ask her if the issue is really the taste or the taboo. Some women genuinely don’t like the taste of semen, especially when the man’s diet is very acidic (due to lots of meat, refined sugars and carbs, hydrogenated fats). And no, swallowing doesn’t necessarily increase intimacy. Good communication does. Melissa   [End]
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My energy levels tend to be a little low. I take a medication in a low dose, and I think it makes me tired. I tend to be quite moody as well, and the unresolved emotions thing sounds right.   [End]
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She says she doesnt like the taste but its more to do with the tabooishness I think. I don’t want to waste it but dont want to risk pregnancy. Its just the perfect solution and very erotic. I think thats why I like it. I hate to compose a pros and cons sheet for her. If I were to though, what cons should I list? Im healthy as far as I can tell. Iv’e got the pros part down.(no clean up, no pregnancy, erotic, increases intamacy, closeness etc) I’ve read its rich in zinc and other nutrients. Is this true?   [End]
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It’s not a perversion - it’s a preference. Some women don’t like to swallow and some do. For those who don’t, it can be an issue of taste or smell. Have you asked her why she doesn’t like it? Melissa   [End]
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Sex is supposed to be pleasurable! It shouldn’t feel like work! Melissa   [End]
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Hey Melissa. I posted this on the sex forum but havn’t got many replies. Why do I want my lady(we’re monogomous), who won’t swallow, to swallow? My ex-girlfriend swallowed copious amounts and I miss that. Is it just a perversion to want this?   [End]
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Thanks now that I think about it we kind of focus on having sex instead of enjoying it. Thank you so much   [End]
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I can imagine how stressful his upcoming deployment might be. Focus on doing sensual things together - like taking warm baths or giving each other massages. Some aromatherapy oils are aphrodisiacs. Rose, petitgrain, jasmine, and ylang ylang are more feminine oils, and patchouli and sandalwood are more masculine oils. You can put a few drops of any of these in the bath or in a bottle of massage oil. Keep the focus on pleasure and take the focus off of the goal of having sex. Very often, these sensual activities will naturally lead to sex. Let me know how it goes! Melissa   [End]
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Hes’s really shy about talking about sex, and his upcoming deployment has him a bit stressed.   [End]
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A decrease in libido can be cause by any of the following factors: changes in overall mental and physical health (fatigue, stress, poor nutrition), limiting attitudes toward sex and aging, and a decrease in emotional intimacy. Which of these have you noticed in your husband? Melissa   [End]
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My husband and I were married about two years ago, I was a little over seventeen and he was twenty one, when we first got together we had amazing sex sometimes 3-5 times in a twenty four hour period; but now things have slowed down, well he has slowed down, and my drive has stayed the same, any advice would be helpful; my husband is going to iraq soon and I would hate for something this small to give us problems right before he leaves   [End]
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Great! Looking forward to hearing about it. Melissa   [End]
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Alrighty..I will give it a shot! Thanks!   [End]
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Women generally have an easier time achieving orgasms clitorally, but with some practice you can achieve vaginal orgasms. Doing Kegel exercises can help. Kegel exercises strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle – the muscle used to stop the flow during urination. Once you have located the muscle, simply tighten for 2 seconds, then release. Repeat 5 times. Do this 2-3 times a day. You can also use devices such as the Kegelmaster 2000, Kegelcisor, or Isis to strengthen the PC muscle. You’ll find them here: http://www.evesgarden.com/transformnow Let me know how it goes! ...
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Hi. I’m wondering if it is a myth that if one only achieves orgasms clitorally that they can achieve them vaginally? I can’t seem to get there during sex, thought it sure feels pretty good. I’d love to do so--is there something I can try? Someone told me it comes with age (I’m early thirties though). I just figure it’d be good to know so I can stop hoping it might come along someday or do what I can to make it happen. Thanks!   [End]
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It isn’t possible for you to have blue balls if you don’t have testicles (unless there’s something you’re not telling me!). Orgasm can bring up strong emotions and put us in touch with unhealed sexual wounds. If we don’t address these consciously, we can feel exhausted. Orgasm generally gives women more energy, so I suspect that this could be an issue. How is your energy level in general? Melissa   [End]
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Hi, I have the experience where after masturbating I feel really pent up and low energy and physically tired. I can’t figure out if this is just ”blue balls,” as they say, or whether it’s from my endometriosis. It usually lasts about 1-2 days afterward, and 2 nights of sleep tend to make it dissipate. It seems to happen whether I come or not, but might not an orgasm be incomplete if one does not have a transcendent emotional state along with it? I’m thinking that this could possibly cause the ”blue balls” I referred to, if that is indeed the cause. Maybe what I’m really asking for is a def ...
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Beginning October 29th, I’m offering an exciting four-part telelcass series just for women. It’s called ”The Four Facets” of Joyful Menopause, and it’s an enlightening program that will help women understand the potential joy they can have in this new chapter of their lives. Many women shy away from this subject because they have been falsely led to believe that they have to live with horrible symptoms, a diminished sex life, and a loss of physical beauty. The truth is: this is your opportunity to discover how powerful and beautiful and sensual you really are. And if you’re s ...
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Yes, it is possible to attract someone with non-verbal communication. Most of our communication is non-verbal actually. With a warm smile and non-aggressive but direct eye contact, you can definitely draw someone in. The woman you spoke about however, was very direct in her invitation, and that is fine, too. She communicated both verbally and non-verbally that she wanted to go to dinner with him. Melissa   [End]
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Dear Melissa, Can you attract a person through non-verbal communications? The other day, I went to a ballroom dancing. I witnessed that a leader was leading a follower very gently and passionately. He was also very aware of their dancing environment to protect her, not being stepped on by other dancers. After a while, I was sitting next to her; I was talking to a bar tender. He was on the way out, and she said to him, “Are you already going home? Do you love to eat Sushi?” She was quite aggressive. I could tell they talked to each other for the first time, but they had an insta ...
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Thank you, I recently found out that these two medications can also have severe symptons when taken together. Including irritability and mood swings. We are working on everything together know and hope to resolve all our issues. Thanks, again.   [End]
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Based on my research, both of the medications you mentioned can cause changes in sex drive (either increased or decreased). Did you notice a change in his behavior when he went on either of the medications? I think it’s important for you and your partner to discuss this with the doctor and see what the alternatives are. There are natural antidepressants such as 5HTP and SAMe that don’t have those kinds of side effects. If his doctor doesn’t know about those alternatives, you might consult a good holistic MD or naturopath in your area. Melissa   [End]
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That’s a wonderful and very creative solution to the problem. I’m so glad you were able to work together on this. Congratulations on standing up for yourself and telling him that you wanted him to respect your time! Melissa   [End]
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Melissa, thank you for your advice. I told him that I was treated like a second citizen and he needed to respect my time. We created 3 pre-text messages on his cell, “Sorry, I will be 10 min late. Sorry, I will be 20 min late. Sorry, I will be 30 min late.” I asked him, at least, to send this pre-text message.   [End]
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Thanks for posting this question. It can be very challenging to deal with a partner’s disrespectful behavior. How did you speak to him about it? Did you tell him how it made you feel? It’s always best to give feedback that way rather than criticizing his actions. Have you tried making a specific request that he call you when he’s running late? That approach can also work well. Melissa   [End]
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How can tell my husband that a small courtesy is very important for our relationship? My husband is very loose about his time. For example, we were invited to my cousin’s birthday dinner. We were supposed to meet up at the restaurant, but he never showed up. I confronted him, and he had a big excuse. “I got into the Marathon conversations with my very important client. I was not able to make a phone call to you.” He could send a text message to my cell phone, or he could send an instant message to my computer. He just makes a convenient excuse, and he does not want to be re ...
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Great question! You’ll find a comprehensive answer on my website by following this link: http://www.transformnow.com/enter/tantraphilosophy.htm Because my programs are so individualized, the number of sessions you would need depends on several things, including your level of self-awareness, experience doing body-centered practices (breathwork, yoga, etc.), and relationship history. I would be happy to help you assess your personal needs. Just go to the ”Contact” page of my website and fill out the questionnaire. Melissa   [End]
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Dear Melissa, I have heard Tantra enhances one’s sexual experiences. Is it true? Please tell me how the method works. How many hours of sessions do I need to master this technique? Thanks!   [End]
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I look forward to your response.   [End]
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I am researching these and will get back to you shortly. Melissa   [End]
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Antidepressant - Lexapro (daily) Apetite Supressant - Phentermine (only takes every other day)   [End]
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Yes, medications, as well as a number of other factors, do affect his testosterone levels. What medication(s) is he currently taking? Melissa P.S. Sorry for the confusion, I just realized that I had posted my response under a different user name.   [End]
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Yes, medications, as well as a number of other factors, do affect his testosterone levels. What medication(s) is he currently taking? Melissa   [End]
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I am 41 and he is 43.  I have been waiting for the so called increase since I was 38.  I really was anticpating it.  I have a 18 year old from my previous marriage, a two year old from this one and I just found out that I am expecting again.  After I had my two year old I had the Mirena IUD placed, it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be mood swings, no sex drive, etc.  I had it removed in June 07 and yes I got my drive back, but it still wasn’t as strong has his.  It never has been and I guess it never will.  I tried prescribed hormone therapy "Estr ...
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Just kidding with the title.......well, sorta kidding. When you get my age, most men’s sex drive goes down. Your husband is probably at his sexual peak and you are not. In a few years, it will be the opposite. You will be at your sexual peak and he will not. I don’t understand God’s logic behind that, but I am sure He has a reason. I am sure Melissa will come along with words of wisdom because I have no words of wisdom for you. But, I do remember when my kids were young and my world pretty much revolved around all their needs and then there were my husband’s needs and I felt like ...
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My husband wants sex every day. I can’t keep up. I have a two year old and don’t have the same drive as him. I wouldn’t mind twice a week. Do you know of anything to lower his drive (other than masturbation) he doesn’t want to do that. Help us-   [End]
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What disturbs me about your fiance’s behavior is that is secretive. Generally, secretive behaviors (such as this one) are signs of addiction, and it’s best that you talk to him about this BEFORE you get married. The last thing you’d want is to have his addiction interfere with your intimacy, which it will if not addressed. There are a number of excellent 12 Step programs that deal with sexual addictions, and you might want to check them out and attend some meetings before you speak with him about this very sensitive topic. Many people have resistance to admitting that they have an addictio ...
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Hi Melissa...found this forum, and am distressed or self-conscience about something. Don’t have a friend I feel I should share this with, would be disrespectful? Had recent horribly heartbreaking experience with a relationship, of which included lies and secrets on his part. After recovering from that, I tried not to have judgemental ”trust” issues with the next relationship, for my self-esteem level is not the greastest considering what was done to me, and the next person in my life should not bare the burdeons of the previous deceits. Have met a wonderful man now, and attempting marriage ...
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I need more information. Tell me about your current sex life and when you have urges to be with other women. Melissa   [End]
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lifes too short to hold back on your desires   [End]
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Im married a long time, but every so often I get this overwhelming idea to have sex with another female. I havent acted on it yet, but its getting there. My sex life at home was never that great, but am I alone here with these feelings. I have grown kids and if my two boys found out about this I would be ashamed badly. I would not want to be seen by anyone I know, so Im looking where no-one knows me. The thoughts are daily, but doesnt stop me from working. But can you tell me what is going on?   [End]
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You’re welcome! With a macho boyfriend, the best way to approach the subject is to say that it is an issue for the two of you as a couple - not just with him. You’re out of sync sexually and feel it is important to get help so both of you can have your needs met and you can have an even better relationship. Let me know how it goes! Melissa   [End]
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Thank you so much for all your help. He is more or less to macho to go get help. He is embarrased of his sex drive. It really kills what little libido he has. But I will try to talk him into getting help but its understandably embarrassing. Thanks again!!! And hopefully we can pull through this cause everything else is great!   [End]
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It doesn’t appear that he is asexual because he does have a sex drive. His interest in masturbation is certainly evidence of that. Any negative sexual experiences in the past, including any form of sexual abuse, would definitely affect his sex drive, and that can be healed with the right help. I have worked with many people in this situation. It would benefit him (as well as you) for him to address this, as it will certainly affect how deeply you can go in your relationship emotionally. If he was abused, it may be hard for him to trust. As for you, you can channel some of that sexual en ...
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well i have spoken with him about this and it is a real self esteem issue with himself. He also had really bad sex times in the past too. Wiuthout going into too much about it....i wouldnt want to ever have sex again if this happened to me. Its something we are going to work out together and i think its going to be great. Now, is there anything that a woman can take to lower a sex drive? I have always had an issue with a high sex drive and i dont want it anymore. 10 times a day would be perfect for me...no one can fulfill that. I also wanted to ask you how you feel about asexuality. I th ...
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well I know hes not gay and trust me this has come across my mind before. I just know. I just know if i leave him for this reason, its terrible. Men dont leave women with low sex drives for the most part. so why should women? But I do have to say i have an unusually HIGH sex drive. Like i want it 10 times a day. And I havent ever found a man who can keep up with me. So this isnt a new issue. I was wondering if there is anything that can turn down a sex drive. I have wanted a lower one forever. Also, i have come to see that a man who makes sex their priority never lasts in a relationship. ...
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thank you melissa, i think now i know what to say to him. and i also learned not take it personally, even if he takes is badly. thanks again   [End]
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i think this is an excellent point. Cultural differences are very important in relationships, and they can affect your comfort level in communicating your needs. This is clearly an issue your boyfriend needs to know about in order for you to feel comfortable moving forward with him. If he rejects you because of it, don’t take it personally and reassess the relationship. Take your feelings seriously and get clear on the qualities you want in a partner. Melissa   [End]
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If he masturbates, he does have a sex drive, so in fact, he does like sex but not necessarily with a partner. That’s an indication that he may have an issue connecting his sex drive with emotional intimacy, i.e. his feelings for you. That doesn’t bode well for a happy future together, unless he is willing to explore that with you and understand at a deeper level why he prefers sex alone. When a person rejects sex with their partner, it is sometimes a passive-aggressive act to control them or push them away. Melissa   [End]
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I dont mean too shock you or any thing but...truley...consider the fact that he might not be into girls. A lot of boys just...dont want to come to terms with it. Personally I love woman, but some times I dont feel like having sex with them either. I’m totally in love with my girl friend, we’re very active but there are days where I dont feel like having it. All the time though...and he masterbates...those are warning signs for YOU. Seriously its a sad fact but some times men and woman just...are gay. Im not saying this is the case with your boy, but it could be. I personally am bi, so t ...
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thank you so much for your advice. i really need to hear that. actually we both live in israel, and i’m writing you from there. arabs raised very differently in their religion they have limited options, they can’t express themselves freely as they want to. if they go against their religion might get killed by their parents. it’s vey hard religion. that’s why it’s so hard to me to mention hepatitis b. how he going to react to it, or his parents? should i tell him already before anything serious happens between us? thank you so much, i really appriciate it   [End]
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You want to know the weird thing, no drug use ever, doesnt like drinking that much, maybe 2 times a month, and the sensual stuff doesnt work. He said he doesnt like sex. But in the beginning it was daily (for about a month). Then we moved in together very quickly. About a month after being together. Maybe that has alot to do with it. We do have roommates also. I dont know bc I know he mastrubates....   [End]
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Have you tried doing sensual things with him like massages, bubble baths, or dancing? Does he take any medication, do recreational drugs, or drink alcohol? All of these could affect sex drive - so can poor nutrition. Melissa   [End]
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He just isnt into sex that much at all. Maybe once a month. I am good friends of a ex of his from high school. And she said he has always been like that. Just sex is not a priority to him. He is very loving though...   [End]
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How does his low sex drive show up? Does he not want to have sex as often as you do or he is not that enthusiastic about having sex in general? Melissa   [End]
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HELP!! I dont know what to do...he is one of those rare breeds that doesnt have much of a sex drive... I dont know what to do!!!! I am a VERY sexual person..... He is the perfect guy, my dream guy, except for that.... HELP!!   [End]
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I can understand your hesitation. Cultural mindsets are very strong, and they color everythig in a person’s thought and emotional life. Whereas in a culture like the United States and Brittain, where personal freedoms and independence are highly valued, in other cultures having family and social approval and conformity is held in the upmost place of importance. Love will be birthed and defined by how well people can accomodate their lives to those situations. So to say that he does or does not love you may depend entirely in how well you fit into his culture’s definition of what a goo ...
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i don’t think i need a professional help. and i’m not scared of him. but i could use some direction on how i’m going to start talking about this. and no, he’s never been with someone like my situation.   [End]
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In a healthy relationship, you should be able to talk to your partner about anything that’s important to you. I don’t know how he will respond. People have different definitions of love, and many don’t understand that love is about creating trust and safety for your partner. If you are living in fear about your boyfriend’s responses, you might consider getting professional help about this. Melissa   [End]
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hey i didn’t really ment to fall in love with him but it happened. well i’ve known him for 3 years, and he’s never been aggressive to me. only to others. he is arab, so their culture is different from ours. and i think that it would be odd to him if i mentioned hepatitis b. do you think that even if he loves me, he will understand me and accept that?   [End]
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It’s funny you say that about ”You girls” I guess you’re talking of me? Well if so, then you are in the same boat! You like Women that reject you!   [End]
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Congratulate yourself on having good intuition the first time around. You knew that he was unavailable so you ended the relationship. Good job! Now you need to look at why you are attracted to unavailable men. Was your father or mother emotionally distant in any way? We tend to attract (and be attracted) to people who have certain qualities that our parents have, even if we don’t like those qualities. When we are willing to take a look at that, we can heal those pattern and attract partners who are emotionally available and commit to us. Melissa   [End]
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I am concerned when I hear that your boyfriend is narrow-minded and aggressive. Makes me wonder why you are in a relationship with him. Loving relationships are based on trust and safety. It would be helpful to explore why have you have chosen to be with a man you are afraid of with a qualified therapist or coach. It’s important that you are able to communicate whatever you need to him. If you are too afraid to do that, arrange it so that a trusted friend or counselor is present. Melissa   [End]
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Ahhhh, you girls. I’ll bet if a really nice guy came along and treated you like a queen you’d reject him. You’d have no respect for him because he treats you well. You’d think he was a wuss because he attempts to make you happy. You girls don’t like nice guys, they’re too boring, they don’t excite you, they don’t reject you. They accept you for who you are and try to improve your life by them being in it. You girls don’t like that. You’re attracted to the dangerous guy, the guy who pushes you around a bit and rejects you. A guy who’s tough and wouldn’t even listen to something a lowly fema ...
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Ok, It’s kind of wierd, Ok December I ended a long 2 year ”Fling” with this guy... Him and I have been best of friends for almost 12 years, became intimate back in 04... I was recently upset with some news about him being with someone (Relationship) since Novemeber!!! that is the reason why I stopped it in Dec, he did not want to commit to me! Next Guy... I met him through a friend in DEC 06, yes same month! I thought he would be different but I gussed wrong! 4 months later I realized I am in the same Predicament, this one was just weird! he claimed me as a ”girlfriend” but acted total ...
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hi melissa well i didn’t really got it from STD, i got it from birth, my mom had a car accident when she was pregnant. when i was born i was very sick, maybe i got it from there. but i haven’t slept with anyone , i’m a virgin and he doesn’t know that, he thinks i’m not. my boyfriend is very narrow-minded person , and aggressive man and i’m scared how is going to react.   [End]
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You might begin by asking your boyfriend whether he has ever had a significant partner who had a sexually transmitted disease and how he felt about it. In this way, you can observe his reaction and find out how he has handled this emotionally in the past. If he responds with sensitivity, you can safely tell him about hepatitis. if he reacts with judgment or anger, let me know, and I’ll advise you further. Melissa   [End]
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