Hi Melissa...found this forum, and am distressed or self-conscience about something. Don't have a friend I feel I should share this with, would be disrespectful? Had recent horribly heartbreaking experience with a relationship, of which included lies and secrets on his part. After recovering from that, I tried not to have judgemental "trust" issues with the next relationship, for my self-esteem level is not the greastest considering what was done to me, and the next person in my life should not bare the burdeons of the previous deceits. Have met a wonderful man now, and attempting marriage again, and he seems very genuine and honest and trustworthy. I love him to pieces, and am the most open I've ever been with anyone thus far, bedroom included. He tells me that he would never need to look at another woman, thats ridiculous, I'm all he's interested in and needs. I believe he truly means how much he loves me, however, we are all human. I know he looks. Thats not the problem. I accidently came across a bunch of pornographic mags,movies he's been hiding from me. He has no idea I know about them. He buys them regularly, and this worries me. I'm self-conscience enough, and he out right lies to me when he says things like he never looks at another woman, I'm all he's interested in, etc. He always says a man and wife should never keep secrets from one another, and always be honest. And I know he isn't really honoring that, but he has no idea I know. We marry soon, and I don't know what to do about it, it really bothers me that he needs to look at all these other beautiful woman on a regular basis secretly when I'm not around, and I feel this means I'm not all he needs, and am not obviously enough stimulation or satisfaction for him. Should I be worried? Our sex life is amazing, and overly active I think, I can't do anything more. Why the need for all that stuff? I can't tell him I know, or can I? How do I? Maybe he's ashamed, or embarrassed, and I would ruin the relationship before the wedding that's coming up soon? I'm really bothered by it though personally, feel like I'm not good enough.
Sorry so long......