Re: nde

23914: Yeah, I didn't see her but emailed back and forth a few times back in 2006. Her father died and he was a very significant and influential part of my life. So I wrote a little tribute to him and sent it to the family.

About two months later I get a real nice thank you card from her. Surprised me. Hand picked card, pretty ribbon on it and everything. Hand written thank you. My sister calls from home saying she had called her for my address. Which I thought funny because she already had it. Plus, there were quite a few other subtle hints within the thank you card itself.

I thought "Ahhhh she's interested". Which she really was. So I sent her one of my books and a copy of the tribute to her father and told her to email me. She did. We went back and forth a few times via email. My family had a family reunion on my mothers 80th birthday in April 06 so I told her I was going to be in town and would like to see her for lunch or something.

She got scared, chickened out and went to Michigan to visit a friend. Never did see her.

Anyway, from the time I got that thank you card on I couldn't get her out of my head. Morning, noon, and night, there she was. I wondered...So along about Sept I wrote her a nice email explaining what was happening to me. She didn't respond. So in October I laid it all on the line and last Oct 18th she let me know that she was very happy with her life. She had done a complete about face from the original Thank You card.

The problem is I had a stepmpther that kept me informed of her life over the years. I know firsthand that she has no love in her life. She has money and social status but not much love and happyness.

Too late... To give up all the history she has with her life back home just ain't worth it. At our age who the hell wants to move again. Cause all that trouble for all those people that you've spent 30-40 years with. Nawwww, ain't worth it. Although no love - predictable and comfortable. That's good enough.

As for me, well, I'm on my forth marriage and she's in it for the wrong reasons also. Just wants to be "taken care of". Never in my wildest dreams thought being successful in life and making plenty of money would be that big of a problem. Never. Money, man the parasites come out of the woodwork, gimme the money. Of course that's a crime against me so they all stick around for a few years then take a bunch of money and move on. And I've never had that real love thing like I had with the original one back home.

So now, all these years later - what's the sense??? No doubt I tried, I still know love is the answer and I spread a lot of it around but as for me personally, I don't have it. Of course neither does she. But it's too late to do anything about it. Although I could get out of my situation quite easliy, her history mandates that she stay where she is. And I don't blame her.

But I would like to see her one more time. Just to see her again, see what the years have done to her.

You know, it's not explainable. Three years ago her picture was on her husbands class reunion web site. Three of the first five pictures had her in it. Of course I copied those pictures and keep them in my computer.

When I say her name in my head or look at her picture that knot in the pit of my stomach, that I don't even know is there until I see her or think about her, goes away. Really, I don't even know that knot is there until it goes away when I see her picture or think about her. Peace inside, I can relax. What's that???

So, I'll keep her "Gentle on my mind" as the Glenn Cambell song says and live out the rest of my days without her. I will go to her funeral though.

Sad, We had it all planned out but it didn't happen because of her mother, college, war and a few other things.

Too late,,, and I don't know if I can accept that. Looks like I have no choice. Tweet