Wow. I hear you. I also found love 40 years ago, and it didn't work out. We were in touch recently, and the result, for me, was devastating. He was married but on 5 different antidepressants and I am alone. Different circumstances, I am sure, but I feel just as you do. Very few people, if any, can understand what it is like to be our age and realize that this is it. You've walked down all the roads, you did your best, but it's not going to happen for you.