Re: How to help my husband with p 0 r n

"He is the best dad, he is the hardest worker, he gives up his weekends to help people out, he lets me buy whatever I want even though he doesnt make the most money, he lets me stay home with the kids because I dont want to leave them to work.... he is so sweet."

You've asked that any respondants do so in a specific manner that you have set forth as a criteria - don't tell you to leave him; don't ask what's wrong with you; etc. Meaning, I can only imagine, that you want someone to tell you what to do without hurting your feelings. Well, I'll do my best, but I can't make any promises, here.

You married this man knowing that he had an addiction to p 0 r n and your "rule" that he only view it in your presence has been meaningless to him - a person (man, or woman) will feed their addiction regardless of "rules" set forth by their significant other. And, how do you know that he doesn't watch videos? You're busy tending to the needs of your children to know what he's doing every minute of the day. And, it is vital that you, as a woman, understand that male sexuality is based more upon the visual than the tactile or emotional. What he sees today will not be enough to get him off a year from now - he will need to seek more and more varied imagery that pushes the edge of the sexual envelope or sink into perversions, at some point.

Being the "horniest person" in the world does not necessarily mean that someone is the most adept at eroticism - the fact that your husband has an orgasm is hardly an indication of sexual satisfaction. People can (and, DO) produce orgasms with anyone and anyTHING. Having a healthy sexual appetite is wonderful, particularly if it is fed by a loving, respectful, honest, supportive, encouraging relationship. Good, healthy sex is the spectacular by-product of trust, love, and partnership.

He "lets" you buy whatever you want though he doesn't bring in enough income to satisfy your spending needs? He "lets" you stay home to raise your children? Yeah...he's sweet, alright. See the Narcissist/Sociopath Forum here, at Curezone.

I'll gently suggest that you both consider marital counseling, ASAP. Your children are quite aware of everything that goes on in your household and between the two of you whether they actually SEE it, or not. The preoccupation with sex as the core of your relationship is unfortunate and will influence your own children as to how to choose an appropriate partner. And, the damage that will be inflicted upon your children if (well, let's get real: WHEN) they see the p 0 r n o g r a p h y that you keep or view will be devastating and, in some cases, irreversible. If he is willing to attend counseling, there's a chance that you can both enjoy a healthy, happy partnership.

Best wishes to you. Tweet