What about the guys that are trying?

Hey All,

We see many postings about the "scumbag" boyfriend/husband and the advice is often along the lines of "leave the batard...".

I guess you would have to put me into that category of scumbag!

But what about those of us that have seen the error of our ways and are making a genuine attempt to change?

My wife and I have been married for seven years - the last two separated. It the second marriage for both of us. I am 46 and she is 45.

I have a history of alcohol abuse, but had been sober for over a year - thanks to AA - when we meet and started dating.
Our marriage got off to a rocky start with her getting pregnant and us moving into a new house with her three children.
Family is very is very important to her - which I accept - but in my opinion there are real co-dependency and control issues there.

Her family has always interfered with our relationship and I have never been able to seperate our family from her family. Her sister and nephew lived with us for a year and I was never asked if it was okay - she just let them move in because thats what her family does and if I didn't like it, I was an inconsiderate bastard.

This pattern was repeated in almost all aspects of our relationship. It was unthinkable to suggest that we spend the holidays with my family, holidays were always with her family - no discussion! If someone from her family needed something, she would drop everything and go, regardless of what we had planned.

When we bought a new house, she let her mother and uncle move in with us because they we old and needed someone - neither of them are hurting for money.

I started drinking and it got worse and worse - I tried to keep it secret - but she caught me repeatedly and each time I would promise never to do it again and would quit long enough to get back in her good graces and start again vowing to be more careful not to get caught! I was never physically abusive and am a hard worker, it was my way of dealing with the stress and frustration of a worsening relationship.

To make a long story short, I couldn't stand living with her mother who is very controling and bossy and treated me like I had no right to do anything in my own house so I moved out.

Now after 2 years of separation, she tells me she will never trust me again. Also she has a huge list of rules and regulations that I must follow to the letter of the law if I even want to have a chance at reconcilation. I am now 7 months sober, regained my spiritual center and have met every one of her demands. But she keeps raising the bar in an attempt to cause me to fail. Frankly - I love her so much, but cannot stand being around her because of her attitude. She has not filed for divorce and says she hasn't been lead to do so yet. I think she's waiting for me to find another good job - I'm got laid off - so she can negoiate a better deal.

So - what do you all think? Any and all advice is welcome... Tweet