I read your original post again and the first thing that struck me was your high tolerance for pain. What else would have to happen in your marriage for you to bail?
She has violated just about every requirement of adult relationships.In your description of her there is deceit,manipulation, disloyalty, aggression and hostility,emotional abandonment of you,harsh criticism,an unwillingness to see her own appaling behaviour,placing her original family member well ahead of you - I could go on, but these are bad enough.
Ask yourself this -what kind of relationship with a woman would fulfil me? List the qualities that you value in a woman.Write down the style of marriage that would make you happy. Then write down exactly what you do have RIGHT now,and compare.How far away are you from your ideal?
You need to stay with AA and slowly develop a strong sense of personal entitlement in your dealings with others( especially with women). You wife has acute emotional problems that are undiagnosed and therefore untreated and her craziness will splash all over you your whole life.
You say that you do not regard yourself as a doormat? Yet you have acted like one! Allowing her family members to move in against your wishes is being a doormat.Get real and get out before you