Hi implode, im 22 and have the same story...

Dearest Implode....

I understand your very difficult decisions here. Im am 22 now, but when i was 11 my mom started to drink heavily...my brother became abusive to me, my dad had left our family.....

My mom also said and did horrible things.... it was very confusing, and painful.... I was scared of both her and my brother.... I had baseball bat marks on my door from my brother...and all my mom could do was tell me how awful I was...

When I turned 13 I left the house, I slept whereever I could, in parks, friends houses..etc.... I had the same feelings as you.. they were supposed to love me werent they?

I went back and forth living out of my house and coming home when I had no other place to go..... It was a terrible situation, and has left deep scars... when I was 15 I hitched hiked across canada..in hopes to find some peace in my heart....

I tried to live with my mother on and off..but she was so abusive and would drink into unconsciousness that it was too hurt full and pain full.... although I never had to deal with the emotions besides depression..I was pretty numb...

I am 22 now... and am finally starting to understand that this has caused me problem..... it sounds obvious doesnt it? But I was so much in survival mode that i had no time or energy to deal with the pain and anger.....

I agree that you have to get out of the house.... and I know how tough that is! Im sure there are tons of reasons that you need to stay for.... or you might even tell your self that I will be o.k until you have a plan.... It wont!... Take all the love that you have for yourself, and use it to get yourself out....

Where can you go?
Well you are 22... ( I live in canada so i know it is different here..but here are my ideas)

Do you have money saved? enough to get an apt?
Do you have friends or family out of town that you can go live with while you get yourself more help?
Can you do a work and live type thing.... (this is why i moved to banff and canmore (in canada) They have loads of jobs at hotels ..they pay you and give you a place to live... (and a ski pass!)
you could find this in any little town that has a ski hill, or a resort type place... (this might be your best bet) you can search the internet for these places and apply via e-mail.... Do you have a resume? if not and you dont know how.. my boyfrined makes them professionally.. so we could help....

You could do all of this from a friends house...

let me know what you think and i'll help you as much as I can...

It is also very important to start taking to a counsellor... Do you have an abused woman center in your town.. if you do call them and they will help... plus they will have more idea..
You are an abused woman..... and you need support compassion and help.. dont second guess yourself....

Please let us know what steps you are going to take.... i know it is scary and hard... but once you are out and getting a support system you will feel much bettter.....

you are in my prayers... If you feel comfortable, please tell us where you live.... I know a goodnumber of really awsome healers in the states..maybe it will help us help you more.....


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