Re: the cops showed up at my house Tuesday evening just before my Mom was going to work and asked if a "Dave" was there and asked for me as well!

JTM14 it took tremendous courage for you to share and seek help. Now it will take even more courage for you to seek the help you need to work toward emotional healing. Long after the physical body heals from rape the psych continues to suffer. You will need a good psychiatrist (because you are likely to develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and an excellent Therapist (a good Psychiatrist can recommend one) because you will need extended psychotherapy with a therapist you absolutely trust. Your road to healing will be long and hard. If you will work through the healing now, you will save yourself unprecedented emotional crisis later in life. Trust me, I know. I was repeatedly raped between 4 and 14 and never told anyone and never sought help. I tried to handle it myself and just keep quiet about it. This was a huge mistake. The answer to your question is, "Yes, you CAN feel normal again." It's going to take some work, your willingness to let people who care about you help you, your willingness to let professionals help you, faith if that is part of your life, and a lot of time. I want you to know and remember this: You are special. You are somebody. You are important. You have value. You are not dirty, unclean, or disgraceful because of what that man did to you. You are an awesome, terrific, wonderful young man with a future and hope. You are loved absolutely and unconditionally and not anything or anybody can ever change that fact. Evil came after you and you survived it. You must be one strong young man. Darkness is going to pursue you as you seek healing but it cannot have you. When it comes look around for a window of grace through which the light will shine. You will find it in a person, your mom, a friend, a medical professional, a teacher, who knows? When you see it keep focused on that light. In time, slowly, the normalcy will replace the abnormalcy. You will never be free of the memories. You will be free of the pain, the fear, the night terrors, the flashbacks, the numbness, the hypervigilance. You will love, you will be excited, you will live again without having to hold your breath. You will be a man - the man you always wanted to be - the man you hoped to be. Start your healing now. Your tomorrow holds a terrific future! Good Luck!
Tweet