I know that this is an old post but I have a few things to say.
I am here because I used the exact search terms that you used. I am a student conducting research and wishing to give service to the cause of male rape victims and the different obstacles they face in comparison to women. There truly are more resources for women, because there are more reported cases by women. Rape is the #1 un-reported crime, because of these feelings.
I am not a professional that can help you in therapy. I am glad that you are seeing one, and more glad that your mom is seeing one with you. I am relieved that this situation was dealt with so well, and I agree with the others that say that you are a tough kid, and brave as hell. I think you will be OK, because you are trying to be OK. You do have the strength to get through this, because you got help. You reached out, you spoke up. I have so much respect for you. And I don't hand that out so easily.
I came across this post in my research, like I said. There are some pretty mean and judgemental people on the internet. I am glad that you did not take offense, or get scared away from this site because I feel like this was your way of testing the water, to get some help, or at the least, relief from the anxiety this was causing you (and likely still is).
As I read, I was so sad for you. And honestly,impressed with your grammar and wordage. I was most impressed with your extreme self awareness, and your keen insight. Your way of saying how you feel or what happened in a very, scarily, real way.
When I read a few posts down where someone did not think you were 14, I was upset. I do realize anyone can join a site like this, but making an assumption such as this, well....
Basically, the person thought you were lying about your age because you are a very clever kid. You are obviously very bright, and decently educated. But here's the kicker....you are NORMAL!!! Quit telling yourself that you aren't. I do understand that you don't feel quite right. You are still experiencing PTSD symptoms. That is normal! For what has happened and what you have been through, that is absolutely your soul trying to purge the events.
Your counselor is awesome for having you rewrite your dreams. I would go one step further, and try to practice lucid dreaming. When I was younger, I could wake myself from a nightmare or tell myself I am dreaming and change the dream. Ask your counselor if that is ok.
My point is, that you are meant for something. You are an awesome human being, and so is your mom. I burst into tears, from the things you wrote. You said them in such a way that I truly could feel your pain. I read on, and I realized how your mom must have felt reading that. How hard that is for the two of you. And I think you are both brave. I think you both have huge hearts, and I think that soon your mom won't have to walk on eggshells. She is trying to forgive herself, just as you are trying to forgive yourself for not telling her. I hope that this is being talked about, too. It is important for victims to ask for help, but you cannot feel bad for your fear of telling, this too, is NORMAL. You cannot blame yourself for not trusting your mom, it is not to say she wasn't to be trusted, obviously she was, but the point is that another adult had broken your trust, and it is normal to feel like you can't trust anyone. YOu were brave enough to tell your friend, and they were brave to do the right thing and get you help. You are very fortunate to have a friend at that age that cares so much for you.
You WILL feel comfortable in your own skin, it will just take time. I just want you to know that by posting your story, you have already helped many, many others.
You have the power to make people empathize with you. And from your OBVIOUS skills in the written word, I would recommend you take some extra English courses, or follow a path that you have equal skill in. I personally have a lot of respect for you, and I hope that if you ever return to this site and read what you wrote, you will feel that same respect for yourself. You are brave. You are courageous and you are strong! You will be one heck of a man someday, keep your chin up.
And as for my research, I am working on ways to filter hateful comments from websites such as this, and to find as many resources for male rape victims as possible. I find it atrocious the lack of help that is available, and how hard it is to find resources for men and boys who likely find it hard to speak up to begin with. They should not be made to feel that all resources are solely for females!
I am glad you were able to get a good response from people on this site, and I hope in the near future that victims of any gender have equal resources.
I wish you the best, I really do.