Im close again

Hey guys and girls, well ive been ill now for 6+ years ive tried alot but i just cant win, the only thing ive found to date(doctors havent gave me any tests minus the normal bloods in these 6+ years) i had to get blood tests myself which showed vit d/e and low A so im prob malabsorbing fat.

anyway im in some trouble with the police that just wont seem to go away, and with health so poor that i can barely walk most days, i cant digest anything im ready to top myself like really ready but i dont know an effective way to do it.

In some ways for my family im glad this is the UK and i dont have access to a gun as that is a sure fire way that im sure will work. Ive tried massive benzo doses(200mg+ and a bottle of vodka) and some how im superhuman at my weight should have been enough. I want to live, i want to experience the happiness that everyone so easily gets but this is the exact place i know people can relate to me, most go through this undiagnosed hell for years and the only 2 things that keep me going is i know i can prove the doctors diagnoses wrong(just anxiety, lol stupid f***ing twat i have a number of chronic symptoms that couldnt possibly be related to anxiety, stress or in our terms even adrenals) and my family.

But im getting to the stage where i cant live like this anymore this will be another year down and come december next year ill be doing my little post again saying happy new year everyone this is def the year i get my health back how many years have i done that now.

im beginning to go pyscho on myself, i know the morals of right and wrong but im thinking some awful things in my head about hurting people(doctors mainly), i want to show them some of the pain people like us here go through due to their incompetance. This goes against everything i believe about taking someones life but i really feel these guys deserve a little of my pain. Their f***ing useless for a guy who cant digest anything and they havent even gave me the basic tests for my stomach is insane its far past medical negligence now.

ahh sorry for the rant people i dont know what i want from this, i need real help, i made a minor mistake and the police are making me suffer fairs fair but its gone on forever and doesnt seem to be ending. I literally feel like im going insane.

peace all:) Tweet