Re: I need some advice, please.

What can I say? The things that you all said are like the voices in my head that I've had all this time, and I know that I wouldn't be having them if there's really no reason to leave this marriage.

Driving back this morning, after sending my kids to school, I began to cry when I remembered that my 9th weding anniversary is coming. It saddened me coz I kept trying to recall happy moments that didn't end up with his yelling or getting angry over something. I tried to remember holidays and vacations that I was truly happy coz he didn't call me names or scolded me. when I think about it, It seems that I stopped being a happy and lively person the time I got married to this man, really.I tried to find happiness in my kids and busy myself with their activities, but somehow this doesn't really bring true happiness.His constant belittling and degradation of me put a hole inside me.

The other night, T had a breakdown after an argument.I was crying so loud (the children were asleep already) asking God why I can't seem to be happy with my life ever since I was little girl. I feel that everything is so unfair.My husband heard my cry and told me that God made me marry him so I don't need to starve or beg on the streets from where I came from AND I was just being an ungrateful "dog" or bitch (he uses both interchangably) not to realize that. He has forgotten that when he met me, I had a good paying job and conditions, but left them all to follow him here.So that's how it all goes... for nine years.

There's no doubt in my mind that I had to leave or get a divorce from him so he can stop doing what he does.Right now, I still cannot go with my family to teh states coz m sister is not yet a citizen. But as soon as she became one, I am going to apply for a reunification visa.

I thank you all for the support and sharing your own personal experiences. Thy give me strength and hope that one day I will post here once again not to be consoled but to console someone who was like me. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. You all don't know what this means to me.

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