I need some advice, please.

I came here to curezone coz I dont't have anybody to talk to about my problems. I married a man of a different nationality and now living here in his country. He is Chinese and I am a Filipino. I was working as professional singer when I met him here, he courted me and we dated. After my contract expired, I head on to work in other asian countries also working as a singer in 5 star hotels.God knows that I was a very faithful to him,never even let any man get to know me. Then we married after almost 5 years of long distance love affair, all the time of which he never showed any sign of violence or abuse.

Then my nightmare began,shortly after the birth of my first child.I really saw a side of him that I never knew.He started getting easily irritable with me and start calling me stupid everytime. I am so hurt by this coz I'm really trying to be a good wife.It never got better after that, more name calling followed : bitch, devil, prostitute, whore, useless, pig , dogs and all other animal name.We've been married for almost 9 years now, and as I'm typing these words now THEY STILL HURT LIKE HELL. I feel totally violated as a person, as a woman ,as a wife, and as a mother to his children.

We also had an escalated argument with him hitting me so hard, my face was so swollen and my ears were hard of hearing.Please note that he never apologize for his name calling, he always say that I made him so angry that he has to call me names.

And it's not only me, he is also very hard on the kids (6 and 8 now ), always yelling (from the top of his lungs),and calling them idiots, m*o*o*ns ,pigs if they
make some mess. And what makes me very angry is that it always comes back to me. While scolding them and telling them they're like pigs when they're kinda messy,he would say remarks like,"Hm, you're stupid mother NEVER teach you all anything.How can you all do this, brainless, idiots." This happens ALL THE TIME. I would tell him that he cannot talk like that to the children coz they're still small and he's teaching them how to disrespect me.And true enough my 6 yr old son started to tell me I'm a stupid mom when I asked him to stay away from the cat coz they might have rabies, then he said cats doesn't have babies; dogs and bats do,stupid mom.Oh, it really hurt me and I know that it's the direct effect of my husband always belittling me infront of the kids. This same son , I found one day crying in one corner, after being shouted at by his father ( I was downstairs so I really didnt know what happened)and when I asked him what's wrong he would'nt tell me. After about 5 mins of convincing him that he can tell me anything, then he said, "Mom, I am useless, brainless, I don't have worth, I can't do anything." These are the exact words of my 6 yr. old baby. Up to this day it still breaks my heart when I remember his face flooding with tears as he say these.When I confront my husband about it, all he said is that it was my fault for not raising him and teaching him enough.Apparently, my son broke his toy, that's all.

I've tried a few times to leave him, but I am alone in this country without any relatives and close friends. I tried to reach out to his family, but they all advice me to be patient and don't leave for the sake of the kids.They also remind me that he is a good provider for us. They cant understand that I'm leaving exactly because of the bad effect this man has on my kids.They said that the kids will have a hard time as the kids are accustomed already to the good life they have.I know that's true, but I'm more afraid of their emotional well being.

The business is going well,and his character is going worse.Now when we have arguments he would say that he would want to find a better wife.I don't know what that means coz all I do is try to please him. This last argument we had he said he want to divorce me. I feel so betrayed, coz if there's somebody who should say that, it should be me. But really I feel relieved coz I want to take his word on it, but at the same time I am also very confused coz I actually don't know where to go with the kids coz my mom and sister are already now living in the states, and it's not that easy for me to move there.

To be fair I should say that he's not like that everytime,he can be nice and play with the kids, but it's short lived. I want these good moments to last so I would remind the kids to be extra careful, and don't do things that would make their dad angry. I also would be preparing his favorite meal and all, but one tiny mistake could trigger him off again.We are really like walking on eggshells.

Is divorce ok,? I am a christian and the bible said that love is patient,kind,does not keep a record of wrong.Sometimes I feel that I should just be more patient, but everything in me says I should divorce him.

Please give me any advice, I would really appreciate it. Tweet