Re: I need some advice, please.

Hi Pretty Angel,


No doubt, you HATE what is happening to the marriage and the family. The Lord also HATES it (this is a FACT). He also HATES what might be ultimately necessary...divorce (He will hold you accountable for destroying the children's lives if you neglect to do what's in the best interest of the children). He hates DIVORCE, not DIVORCEES/people.

Divorcing your husband will not make The Lord hate you (God is love, if you truly love God and are concerned about displeasing Him, how could you possibly lose His love??).

I read in your second post that your husband is very ethnocentric/racist. The Chinese people grow up in a country that lacks human rights. The result is that each individual, for the rest of their lives, will OVERcompensate by DEMANDING from others that they be treated as SPECIAL. Your husband would appreciate you understanding this (telling him that you understand this could change things for the better).

You say that he is a good provider and that sometimes he is nice and playful with the kids (his REAL humanity is showing). This means the marriage (and family) is worth saving if you can get him to understand that you are on his side.


Stop making an EFFORT to be a good wife (let your husband accept you for who you are). He knows that you have the special desire to be "GOOD" and he uses it against you (to manipulate you, he considers it your weakness).

No matter how much you or anyone else feels that divorce would be a quick solution to everything, it won't. Your children are watching how you handle this situation and will be affected by your reaction to the situation for the rest of their lives.

Statistics are that most children of divorced parents suffer Depression into adulthood, late adulthood, and sometimes even beyond (subconscious identity crisis). I am a child of divorced parents and suffered 51 years of suicidal Depression until three years ago when I outlived my mother and everyone else in the "family" (my subconscious believed that I was born by mistake and I could never truly relate to and identify with everyday reality).

So, while divorce might eventually be necessary, first explain to your husband that you understand how he grew up and that you are not his enemy,...but his treatment of the family has to become more peaceful and loving (more FATHERLY).