Re: I need some advice, please.

prettyangel, first off i want to tell you that i understand what you're going through. i just left an abusive relationship of 14 years. it is nearly impossible to leave. all i thought all those years is that it would get better, or maybe it was me, maybe i wasn't doing something right and that was the whole reason he would call me those names. i kept thinking that it would get better, that he would change. we, too, had our good times. in fact, it's the good times that kept me going. kept me in the relationship.

i was asked by a friend the other day, who's recently married, if i could go back in time, would i have left him sooner or would i have even married him? i told her, i saw the warning signs, i just never wanted to believe them. yes, i very much regretted staying. the abuse in my life started right off in our relationship. to start, i had a low self-esteem and when he called me bitch, it just killed me.

here i am now, i'm 33, i am fresh out of a relationship that not only took the last 14 years of my life but also trained into my boy how to treat his wife and trained into my girls how a husband is to treat them.

not only that, but i am in a new relationship and it is HELL. it's not him as much as it is me. i am so wracked with self-doubt, self-pity, negativity.... any time he says anything bad to me, i take it personally. he comes home and the first thing i think is how to please him. i do not know how to even live a healthy relationship!! and right now, he is ready to leave me because he cannot handle my emotional instability. i am about to lose something that is dear to me all because i decided to stay in an unhealthy relationship for so long and be trained that i am a piece of shit.

here i am now, trying to learn how to be 'normal'... trying to not be constantly doubting everything i do, doubting his care for me, doubting his intentions or how he's perceiving my actions. it really is living hell.

i understand your hesitation to leave. you don't have anything. you don't have family, you don't have friends. i am the same way. i WAS the same way when i was in the relationship with my ex. he would threaten to leave me and it scared me so bad. it's like he was the only thing that was good in my life. c'mon, think about it... is HE better to you than YOU living alone??? given the choice, would you rather live TOGETHER with an individual that treats you this way, puts you on the edge, or would you rather live scraping by, without someone to sleep next to you at night, but with your self-worth intact?

trust me, you do leave him, it will not take you long at all before you start developing friends and creating a new (and healthy) life for yourself.

this WILL eventually end for you. you will get tired of it. the question for you is: how long do you want to wait? the sooner you do it, the better you are. it's going to hurt. but it's going to hurt if you wait 10 more years. he will not change, i promise you that. it's YOUR life and YOU have to choose how you want it to go down. you could leave now and still have quite a few years, or you can hang on.....

which do you want? Tweet