Re: thoughts on fidelity

A couple of things. It's hard both ways for families in the military during deployments. When everyone returns, the stories go around, and the next time a deployment comes up, people start repeating the stories and wondering.

I was single the entire nine years I was in the Marine Corps of which I spent a little over two years deployed on ships. I don't remember a single married man in any of my units who fooled around with one of the ladies. Sometimes, they may have been drunk enough too, but "friends" usually intervened. Not that those friends would have thought anything about it, but because they knew that is what that person wanted.

If you are in a combat unit there are a lot of conversations on a number of subjects. This includes being wounded that may result in a "vegetable" state. We use to attach a bullet to our dog tags that indicated we wished to be terminated if that was the case. For someone to make that decision, and then carry it out, takes an enormous amount out of someone physiologically.

Another discussion is "fidelity". It usually goes something like this "You going to f*ck around on your wife?" "No, well she is probably going to be f*cking around on you." "You either have one heck of a relationship, or you're one of the dumbest SOB's on the face of the earth." "So, you better learn how to use mother thumb, and her four daughters then."

It's not a matter of right or wrong. It's not a matter of moral or immoral. It is a matter of doing the right thing. Doing the right thing is trying to do what is right by another person. If that person can not do right by himself or herself, then one must do right by themselves. In a military unit it is a matter of maintaining group cohesion, discipline, and moral. In an individual it's a matter of duty, honor, integrity, and self sacrifice. Are people perfect? No. Do they screw up? Yes.

Second, as far as whore houses. The stories that seem to get repeated are the ones that everyone wants to forget about. Subic Bay, Greece, Turkey. Those are the grossest places on the face of the earth. Yes, I don't know how many times a Commanding Officer had to have a father/son talk about one of his men wanting to marry one of the indigenous attractions. What can I say? On the other hand, there are places like Spain, Italy, and France. Rumor has it that the best compliment you can give a French woman is to tell her she is more beautiful than a French Whore. Never tried it, but have to admit, the only time I ever thought about deserting God, Country, and Corps was after four days in a French Whore House. The Spanish ladies are a lot of fun, and the Italian Ladies are crazy (in a good way). One thing that a few wives did was band together, and meet their husbands in those ports where the local scenery and climate was open and safe to tourists.

I can tell all kinds of stories about X, Y, and Z. However, what it boils down to is being true to yourself. You are the one that has to look in the mirror every morning at yourself. I remember a saying my Grandfather had. "Some days you get the bear. Other days the bear gets you." Sometimes you come back, stitch yourself up, and then get ready to go out and do it again. Other times you come back, and some else stitches you up. Most of the time you come back, and it's just another memory. However, the times when you come back, and life is better than what it was, are priceless.

It sounds like you and your husband have a good thing. I don't know what the statistics are any more, but I know the Navy had the highest divorce rate followed closely by the Marine Corps. Seems to me it was the 75% to 80% range primarily because of deployments. About 15 years ago the Commandant of the Marine Corps wanted to go back to the way it was up until the mid 60's. That is, if someone was under the rank of E5, they had to get permission of their Commanding Officer to marry. The press tore him up on "family" issues. I wonder how many lives have been destroyed since then?

So…… if you get past this, it sounds like you will have a much stronger relationship. Trust is a tricky thing, but when it's there, it's there.

I envy you.

Good luck.