thoughts on fidelity 
roooth
16 y
3,364
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Are there truly faithful people out there? I saw a little bit of old standup from Eddie Murphy who says every man on the earth cheats. Every man. Plenty do, but I was very surprised when I found that my high school boyfriend had cheated on me. I didn't know. Can we have faith? Is it possible to have a partner that actually doesn't?
Let me tell you guys a story. I grew up watching my parents, and whatever dysfunction they did have, I can say one thing: they lived what they said they lived. All the church ideals were not lived on Sunday only. In fact it was only as a teenager that I came to notice that some people don't live the things they talk about at church. My parents were the same at home that they were at church, at work, anywhere, with regards to their moral standards. It was only after having grown up did I become aware of the CONCEPT of cheating. What, a person who is married might sleep with someone else? That was new, foreign.
When I was 14, my parents divorced and a few years later they were dating. Their belief was that you only have sex with the person to whom you are married. My mother in her awkward dorky kind of way made a comment when she started dating: "I can't wait to get married again so I can have sex!!!" Ok, mom, TMI, really. She'd only ever slept with my dad. My dad however converted to the religion after being a crazy wild teenager. I don't know how we got on the subject of his dating life, but I'd asked if he hadn't found women in the church to go out with and he said: "Women from the church only want to go to bed!!!" Holy crap. Ok, seriously, my parents are WAY too open with me!!! LOL I was surprised; this was the religion where people actually do what they say they believe, right? Hmmm, maybe not. But my dad and mom both did not sleep with anybody when they were single, much less when they were married to another person.
If ever I have moments of doubt, from watching Eddie Murphy or from hearing someone I thought hadn't cheated had... or from seeing people who are so good at playing sincere when they're not, I remember that there are men, not just women but men who absolutely do everything they believe and will absolutely not cheat. I know there are men like that out there. I don't believe it is the majority by far, but I believe it exists. I have different ideals; I had plenty of sex while single, lol, but I also do not cheat. I think it takes a certain aspect of character to appreciate the more mild stronger connection of a close long term relationship over the excitement of novelty. I think there is a strength of character necessary to be absolutely true, and there are people who have it.
My husband goes on the ship and stops at Thailand where he is surrounded by cheap whores, not to mention military women who are also away from home. I believe he is strong like my dad is and strong like I am, and that his heart is with me. There are people out there who can and do handle fidelity. I wanted to share this with women (or men) who have really started to doubt. Everything you want in a relationship can happen if you are the person who fits into the other half of the relationship. To me, looking for love is 2 part: dating and working on yourself to become the person who is a match for the person you want to have.
That's all for now. This one goes out to my husband who returns to me in May. :-)
~Ruth- Re: Only March April and He's Home! ... popoe
16 y
3,619
This is a reply to # 1,102,295to kive with a reactor operator on a submarine during the desert storm war.
He would be gone for 3 months at a time doing West Pac's. He happened to be out at the time the Srorm broke out and many of our subs were, of course, directed to the middle east.
I worried night and day about him, oh, I do not think I have ever worried about my x-husband the way I worried about his safety. My children, yer (did I mention he was 12 years younger than me?)
He used to tell me stories about the Philipines, subic bay, and the women that would attach themselves to the guys and get paid to have sex, but develop a realtionship beyond the money,. It wasn't all about sex, I guess, but primarily about sex...and money.
when another sub he was assigned to went to Australia, he said the women were on the dock waiting for the American guys to de board. Apparently the men are pretty chauvanistic, and the American guys were caring, brought flowers etc.
Those were the two ports that were "tempting". He was married to someone else at the time he did those tours, he was on shore duty taking classes when i met him- for the most part, except for Desert Storm.
He said he did not cheat on his wife, nor me, but when he got home from the Philipines his wife had taken up with another guy, also in the Navy. And they divorced
He seemed bitter about his wife's infidelity when I met him, but I heard underneath it that he wished he had known about her so he could have taken up with on of the Philipine girls that had taken a liking to him. He said no, but I think a large part of his resentment was he didn't and she did. I believe him because his anger at the situation, or the hand life had dealt him, was real.
At any rate, there are men that do not cheat when in the Navy. He was one of them.
If he'd had a wife like you he'd have still been married to her.
She was a type one diabetic who did not take good care of herself, she took up with a coreman...
Someone to take care of her
Later the coreman and his x wife married and had 2 children, one with a pretty bad heart condition ( a hole in the heart) that he attributed to his wife's type 1 diabetes.
It's hard to remember him fondly because of the anger, but he was a very good lover. He tried hard to please ,all one had to do is ask and it was yours. He also carried all bags ,boxes, washed, cars opened doors, steered me with his palm at the lower spine to tables in restaurants through crowds (I loved that)- an old fashioned gentleman
Unfortunately for me I was not an old fasioned gal ;} But if anyone thinks powerful ,male sexual partners is not addictive, it was not my experience- I found that part of the realtionship quite compelling and his eagarness to please. And his stamina- Thank God for younger men!
Life can become messy with all the mixing and baggage that infidelity brings with it
Take good care of you hubby when he gets home, wine him dine him and let him know how much you missed him and want him, If you chose to broach the subject with him, he may not have- but if he did he will never tell you.
It will only make everyone unhappy.
Trust, even when not deserved, says something about the one offering the trust,
The trusted one may cherish and abide in the trust or ......
I'd guess the middlle east is not known for open sex
- Re: Only March April and He's Home! ... roooth
16 y
3,110
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,102,568"And his stamina- Thank God for younger men!"
Don't you know not to talk like that to a woman who's not gettin' any??!!!!! >:-(
LOL, thank you for your post. I enjoyed reading the stories. Not only do I 'trust' but I truly believe to the depths of my soul that it is not in him to do that. One trait that I do see is a fierce loyalty. I see it towards his family and his friends, and to me as well. That part is cool, and oh yes, I will take care of him when he comes home...
... oh yes. ;-)
- Re: Only March April and He's Home! ... roooth
16 y
3,110
- Good Post Ruth! Molly Bloom
16 y
3,134
This is a reply to # 1,102,295This has always been interesting to me too. I also had very moral parents, still married after 55 years. They bitch at each other a lot more, but whatever they've developed all those years, respect and courtesy, is still there.
Respect for the other person is a biggee as far as I'm concerned. Lack of respect will kill any relationship dead away. But what about those that cheat, even when they do still respect their spouse? It would have to be their own lack of respect for themselves, I think.
I've been married twice. I have cheated zero times. I have thought about cheating zero times. Before I was married, I dallied a bit. I had an affair with a guy, who had a girlfriend, and I was with my future husband. I wasn't especially enamored with this man, and for the life of me cannot figure out why we did this. On my part the whole thing felt "icky". It was not exciting at all after the first time. I didn't want to leave my boyfriend for him, and he felt the same. ICKY I tell you.
My first husband left me for the woman he was cheating with. I believe that the man actually cheated on me the entire 10 years we were together.
My second and present husband and I dated for 1-1/2 years. We never made a formal commitment to each other, and I did date others. We just never discussed what happens when we are not together. Then one day he said he wanted to date someone else. Not dump me, but see us both. I was hurt! It was the first time I thought I really wanted a commitment. I told him no, it's me only or nothing. So we broke up. I suffered for the two months, really kicked myself around. When he came back, I made damn sure that man would never walk away from me again!! We've been together for 25 years now. Neither of us have cheated. I know this for a fact because the man cannot lie at all, I can tell immediately even if he's hedging
Cheating is very dirty business. I'm not a prude, but I say if you are making a commitment, and you respect your spouse, and respect yourself, you don't do this kind of thing. It just can hurt too many people. It does not turn out well. A no win situation. And if you feel the strong desire to do so, then there is a lot more to look at than just sex. In the end, it's never about the sex. If you want to get off, there are ways to do it all by yourself.
I don't know what would even tempt either my husband or myself to cheat. I will never say never, because life does have it's crazy twists and turns. But I do remember that dalliance so long ago in College....and when I say icky, I mean it.
Now, I say all of this, but I have told my husband that if Brad Pitt and John Corbett and Johnny Depp knocked on my door and wanted an orgy, I would just have to shrug and tell my husband that it was time for him to go....He said he'd do the same for Angelina Jolie (so bring her over Brad!) or Sophia Loren (yes, he'd even do her as a grandmother). Since this is not going to be happening anytime soon, then I'd say we are good to go for the next 25.
And by the way, not once would I feel like being a Brad, John and Johnny sandwich would never, EVER feel icky. I would think that it would be HIGHLY desirable. Of course not only would they lavish love and sex on me, but all their fortunes also....yep.
Molly
- Re: Good Post Ruth! roooth
16 y
3,054
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,102,591Good god, how is it that all conversations around me end up in sex/orgy talk??!!! GEEZ DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW I'M ALOOOOOOOONE????? And forget Brad, I MET a guy with way hotter lips...perfect in fact...
lol, I'm playing of course, except about the part where that guy had way-super-hot-perfect-lips... heh heh. ;-)
- Re: Good Post Ruth! roooth
16 y
3,054
- Re: thoughts on fidelity ajgasper
16 y
3,335
This is a reply to # 1,102,295A couple of things. It's hard both ways for families in the military during deployments. When everyone returns, the stories go around, and the next time a deployment comes up, people start repeating the stories and wondering.
I was single the entire nine years I was in the Marine Corps of which I spent a little over two years deployed on ships. I don't remember a single married man in any of my units who fooled around with one of the ladies. Sometimes, they may have been drunk enough too, but "friends" usually intervened. Not that those friends would have thought anything about it, but because they knew that is what that person wanted.
If you are in a combat unit there are a lot of conversations on a number of subjects. This includes being wounded that may result in a "vegetable" state. We use to attach a bullet to our dog tags that indicated we wished to be terminated if that was the case. For someone to make that decision, and then carry it out, takes an enormous amount out of someone physiologically.
Another discussion is "fidelity". It usually goes something like this "You going to f*ck around on your wife?" "No, well she is probably going to be f*cking around on you." "You either have one heck of a relationship, or you're one of the dumbest SOB's on the face of the earth." "So, you better learn how to use mother thumb, and her four daughters then."
It's not a matter of right or wrong. It's not a matter of moral or immoral. It is a matter of doing the right thing. Doing the right thing is trying to do what is right by another person. If that person can not do right by himself or herself, then one must do right by themselves. In a military unit it is a matter of maintaining group cohesion, discipline, and moral. In an individual it's a matter of duty, honor, integrity, and self sacrifice. Are people perfect? No. Do they screw up? Yes.
Second, as far as whore houses. The stories that seem to get repeated are the ones that everyone wants to forget about. Subic Bay, Greece, Turkey. Those are the grossest places on the face of the earth. Yes, I don't know how many times a Commanding Officer had to have a father/son talk about one of his men wanting to marry one of the indigenous attractions. What can I say? On the other hand, there are places like Spain, Italy, and France. Rumor has it that the best compliment you can give a French woman is to tell her she is more beautiful than a French Whore. Never tried it, but have to admit, the only time I ever thought about deserting God, Country, and Corps was after four days in a French Whore House. The Spanish ladies are a lot of fun, and the Italian Ladies are crazy (in a good way). One thing that a few wives did was band together, and meet their husbands in those ports where the local scenery and climate was open and safe to tourists.
I can tell all kinds of stories about X, Y, and Z. However, what it boils down to is being true to yourself. You are the one that has to look in the mirror every morning at yourself. I remember a saying my Grandfather had. "Some days you get the bear. Other days the bear gets you." Sometimes you come back, stitch yourself up, and then get ready to go out and do it again. Other times you come back, and some else stitches you up. Most of the time you come back, and it's just another memory. However, the times when you come back, and life is better than what it was, are priceless.
It sounds like you and your husband have a good thing. I don't know what the statistics are any more, but I know the Navy had the highest divorce rate followed closely by the Marine Corps. Seems to me it was the 75% to 80% range primarily because of deployments. About 15 years ago the Commandant of the Marine Corps wanted to go back to the way it was up until the mid 60's. That is, if someone was under the rank of E5, they had to get permission of their Commanding Officer to marry. The press tore him up on "family" issues. I wonder how many lives have been destroyed since then?
So…… if you get past this, it sounds like you will have a much stronger relationship. Trust is a tricky thing, but when it's there, it's there.
I envy you.
Good luck.
- Re: thoughts on fidelity roooth
16 y
3,058
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 1,103,010"So…… if you get past this, it sounds like you will have a much stronger relationship. Trust is a tricky thing, but when it's there, it's there.
I envy you.
Good luck."
We've already had (2) deployments and we are stronger than most couples we know, military or civilian. Luck has nothing to do with it. ;-)
- Re: thoughts on fidelity roooth
16 y
3,058
- GOOD THOUGHTS :) Roooothie!!! ... Alikat 16 y 3,360
- Re: thoughts on fidelity herb-gal
16 y
3,345
This is a reply to # 1,102,295I say no. Everybody does it. I don't. I don't think I could.
I have to actually be attracted to someone's personality to sleep with them and many guys say that it's all physicaly. Some guys even have the balls to ask their girlfriends if it would be okay if they had the opportunity to sleep with [insert hot celebrity name here] as though we would be proud of them or something.
Men and women, for the most part, view sex differently. I've always been conflicted about that. I mean...if I get cheated on just because that girl has a better body than me or a pretier face...then what does that mean? He finds something that is sexy and has sex with it...end of story...still comes home to the woman he loves, right? That's why I don't understand sex and relationships and cheating. Because I KNOW....that if I were to sleep with another man, that would mean that I am done with my current relationship and am already trying moving on.
I get more hurt at the thought of emotional cheating. If he chooses to enjoy someone else's company more than mine and confide in someone else...then I get REALLY flustered. And then once they have sex...that a new love right there.
I mean...if a guy has sex just to get off...does he really have to be conflicted in his relationship to have the audacity to do that? I mean sure, it meant nothing to him other than a quick lay BUT...did he stop to think about how his spouse would react? I mean...it might mean nothing to one partner, but if it means something to another, and they don't respect that, that's where the conflict comes in.
I used to think that I wouldn't mind it. That I would be in one of those relationships where my husband cheated on me and I just didn't care because I was concerned with my own life and the woman he'd go home to. But seriously...what kind of trauma would I have to go through between now and then to get to that stage of ambivalence? I'm too romantic and emotional to not be hurt by that. I'm over here in tears because he called another girl "love" and she called him "babe"
Might as well be cheating as far as I'm concerned. But he "did" nothing wrong...why? Because he didn't bang her. So he doesn't understand.
They use the excuse that suits them best.
They HAD sex: It didn't mean anything, just carnal needs.
They only Flirted: It's not like I f***ed her or anything.
Whatever.
If your man hasn't cheated, then be glad that you are with a man who is intelligent enough to not let you find out.- Re: thoughts on fidelity roooth
16 y
3,074
This is a reply to # 1,103,745Herb-gal,
I am so sad for you from this response. You're saying all men do but women don't? And you're buying the lie/excuse that it's different for them and you don't buy my years of observations of my own parents who were completely faithful? If you believe all men do and you just have to be ok with it somehow, it's no wonder you're subjecting yourself to the relationship situation you're in. If you don't believe a man can be faithful, there is no trust and can be no true intimacy in any relationship. That is why this is sad to me.
I personally don't believe there's as much a descrepancy between men & women with sex as it's made out to be. Plenty of women cheat but we're sluts if we do so women hide it, and when caught they have their own excuse. Men: it was just physical; women: they were in need of emotional comfort they didn't get from their relationship. Or whatever the excuse. When I was single, I found men of casual relationships getting attached more than I. I found many turnarounds. I just don't buy that we're so different and I know women who are faithful including myself, and I know my dad - I watched him for years being married and being single. Most people... yeah I buy that. All people? I don't buy it for a minute - in fact I KNOW it is untrue because I have proof... myself.- Edited UserX
16 y
3,013
This is a reply to # 1,103,788Ya know, Rooooooooooth, I have been reading many of your posts lately, and I am finding that we have a great deal in common. I, too, am alooooooooone now, and very much missing my man. And I am also utterly faithful in relationships, and I always have been that way. I have never once strayed in any relationship that I have ever had provided the relationship was intact. Even with my ex-husband, I continued to honor my wedding vows after I learned that he had been unfaithful, and asked him for the opportunity to repair the damage to our marriage and work together with a marriage counselor. I'll save the rest of that story for another time (and it's a good one, lol!); just suffice it to say that he had other ideas in mind. And only when I knew that there was absolutely no chance of us remaining together, did I allow myself to start dating again.
I have had two long-term relationships since then, and I was also faithful to each of these men. In the last relationship, once again it was he that strayed. Although, his version is that we were really not together at that time. I suppose he sees it that way since he couldn't seem to decide if he wanted to make a life with me or not. I just got real tired of him sitting on the fence after making my wishes very, very clear regarding what I was looking for in a relationship. He would play these stupid game of chase and hide & seek, and I finally just got sick of playing! I told him that if he ever made up his mind about making a life with me to let me know, and that I was not going to continue with things as they had been between us. I had realized that he was getting what he apparently wanted in the relationship, and I was not. That was not making me terrifically happy. And heaven knows, I certainly deserve to be terrifically happy, damn it!
So, it was during the time that I put my foot down that he decided to seek company elsewhere. And ever since then, he has tried to justify his behavior by saying that we really weren't together at that time. Well, he obviously wasn't together with me, although I was still holding out for the possibility that he would finally wake up and realize how good he had it! Even though I was not allowing our relationship to be as it had been, I was still committed to him. And I continued to be even after his fling, and until I finally told him quite some time later that we were through, and that we would not be together.
At that point, I did have a very short-lived thang with someone right here from CureZone! That, too, was something that I entered into by being very clear about what my intentions were regarding relationship. It's a shame that that individual was not as open and honest right up front about what it was he wanted, and only told me that it was different than what I wanted after we had already been intimate! Yea, right, and I'm supposed to believe that he had a change of heart and didn't know what he wanted when he decided to have sex with me? NOT! He knew exactly what he was doing! He thought he would steel some of my precious energy along with the money I lent him. Well, he really needs to pay me back my money and then some; especially since he was really lousy in the sack! I'm not kidding, either. Even if he was really just a gigolo, he sure didn't earn one cent from me! And the sickening thing is that he pretends to be such a highly evolved spiritual being. Well, he's nothing other than a damn hungry ghost, if you ask me!
*shaking that off, shifting gears*
Fortunately, all that was some time ago, and many, many things have changed in my life! I have even found the man of my dreams right here on the internet! And I know that I don't have to worry about his fidelity. I trust him completely, just as he can trust me. He can be a real handful, though! It's funny because, before we met I once revealed a secret to him in an email, and he emailed me back that he thought perhaps my secret was that I was a man! Is that an insult, or what?! Frankly, I can't even remember being a man in any of my past lives, lol! And what's even funnier is he changes his mind almost more than a woman! One minute he tells me he wants to be with me forever and always, and the next he's telling me that it just wasn't meant to be between us. Talk about a schizo! Sometimes I think he is even more wacked than I am! Good thing HE wasn't the one in the hospital or they just might have kept him there, lol! And, trust me, Spa Psycho is not some fantasy resort in the Bahamas either! I know one thing, he sure better have his own turnaround real quick! He's the luckiest man on the planet to have me, and he better start showing just how much he appreciates it!
I actually had a whole group of men lining up to talk to me this afternoon! And one of them wants to buy my car, and take me to dinner, and was already willing to get in a fight over me. He was kinda cute, too... From Italia, speaks 8 different languages, world traveller, good sense of humor, nice smile. I suppose he might even be willing to have a duel for me with the Navy Seal that I met at the base in Great Lakes the other day, lol! Now, this guy was really interesting! The tattoo on his hand actually got my attention. He told me that he was one of a very few men that had such a tattoo, and that he and some fellow Seals got them in Thailand when they were on some secret mission, and the tattoo was so they could be identified. This guy said that he has a plate in his head, and that he's been blown up, and shot multiple times! He's also a real brainiac kinda guy; studied at Berkley, and rattled off all sorts of things about chemistry, physics, paranormal research, computer stuff, medical research and all sorts of healing practices, Native American spirituality, natural hallucinogens, etc., etc. He's got beautiful blue eyes, too, sorta like my naprapath/chiropractor.
And guess what, Roooth? With all these men flocking towards me lately, I've still told all of them that I am not available because my heart is already with my man. Even when he emails me a bunch of nonsense and writes some of the most idiotic things I have ever read, I am still mad about that man! I know, call me crazy, lol! Why not? Almost everyone else does! Hmmm, I wonder if I would fit a diagnosis of Multiple Personality Disorder yet?! LOL!!!-
[video/audio embedded] What? You MP... Alikat
16 y
3,886
This is a reply to # 1,103,830
However, it can also be said:
Sybil
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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In antiquity, the oracular seeresses of the Ancient Near East and the Mediterranean were referred to by the Greek term "sibyls". In modern times, when "Sibyl" is adopted for a woman's name, the conventional spelling is "Sybil".
John_William_Waterhouse_oracle_1884.png (700 × 402 pixels, file size: 699 KB, MIME type: image/png)
So, it's all on how you 'view' it ;-)
- Edited UserX
16 y
2,997
This is a reply to # 1,104,094Hey, I don't care either way! S'all fine by me! Some of the coolest people that I have ever known were thought to be insane, or mentally defective, or somehow 'disabled'! Ha! I've even studied with folks that can hallucinate, if you are using the criteria that is set forth in the DSM! And hey, anyone could be diagnosed with some sort of mental illness according to that thing! Yea, the American Psychological Association; they're the fine folks that decided that Premenstral Syndrome deserved to be classified as a mental illness! I've got a great story to tell about that, too! And it involves a certain big pharma company that was about to lose it's patent and wanted to get some more juice out of one of it's top-selling drugs! Just be patient, I'll get to all my stories in due time!
In the meantime, how the heck did I know about Sybil without knowing it?! I loved that movie, and with the name changes that I've already had, and the ones I'm gonna have, and the different identities here, I was just being funny, lol! Heck, they couldn't even diagnose me with Depression when I was Glen Oaks! They could only come up with Psychosis NOS, and the psychiatrist said that it was because of the info that my mother gave them and because of my 'religious preoccupation'. Little do they realize that I only started up with the religious stuff, including eventually telling them I was Lakota, when they refused to give me access to a patient advocate, and then refused the 4 requests I made to speak with a chaplain! Yea, I'm crazy alright! So crazy that I did everything I could think of to get out of that effing snake pit! That psychiatrist was a pretty nice guy though, even if he gave me that stupid diagnosis! What the hell is the matter with him? He could have diagnosed me with Pica or something! I was eating orange peels, which most people don't do! And if he had probed a little bit more I might have even told him that I ate some white paste and Playdo as a kid! They're not bad either, lol! The old white paste sorta has a sweet wintergreen flavor, and Playdo is nice and salty! And, hey, my mother was feeding me orange flavored baby aspirin by the bottle, and I hate the flavor of those things, barf!
Anyhoo...
Wanna watch me pull a rabbit out of a hat! Presto!
Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids!
-
- Re: thoughts on fidelity & relations... roooth
16 y
3,098
This is a reply to # 1,103,830Awww, so cute that you're so into this guy!!! :-) Isn't it funny; it's like the puppy love sends fermones and all the men in the vicinity pick up on it. Not that having the cute men checking you out isn't good for the ego, anyway! Just the other day the cute YOUNG guy at the checkout of the grocery store was giving me flirty eyes... nice brown ones. Ah, while my hubby is away, I do 'appreciate' the looks of the cuties. I dunno why, it helps a little, amuses me if nothing else and hell, eye candy can't hurt! ;-)
I won't launch into a long thing of my history but it sounds like we would have a blast sitting down to coffee and telling the tales of our love lives. 8^)
You know what? In spite of folks who don't believe people can be faithful, the ability to be and the ability to give love to a person that is all for them is good for the heart of the person doing the giving, and is part of what is needed for true intimacy, IMHO. So go you, no matter what happens, even when the man is bad, you know that you loved well and were true to you and one day a man may come along who deserves it... 'sall good, it's good for your heart no matter what. *happies*
I really like talking about this stuff when my hubby is away. Talking about relationships gets me all mushy about him. *siiiigh*
-
- Edited UserX
16 y
3,013
- Re: thoughts on fidelity roooth
16 y
3,074
- Re: thoughts on fidelity 121212
16 y
3,152
This is a reply to # 1,102,295My innermost feeling about fidelity is sort of mixed. First of all, I do believe that people can be faithful to each other and no, men have no excuse just because they might have a slightly different view on sex. But I think that people who manage to stay faithful to each other must make a conscious decision not to get mislead by temptation and that is not always the easiest part. When you are in a relationship and decide to spend years of your life or even your life together so many more things get important apart from sex- far more important. However the feelings still exist and especially if they lay dormant for a while they can be really powerful and almost impossible to fight- for men and women. I believe the difference in men who manage to be faithful and those who sleep around (even if they dearly love their partner) - that is my experience- is that the faithful ones dont seem to put themselves into the situation where things might happen or even consciously avoid potentially "dangerous" situations.
- Re: thoughts on fidelity roooth
16 y
3,017
This is a reply to # 1,103,805Absolutely! I never hang out one on one with guy friends. It's what I call "bad relationship karma" but there are true reasons, so many scenarios that could make it go wrong. Avoiding emotional intimacy with a person of the opposite sex who likes you should seem obvious but it's easy not to do b/c that situation is flattering. Yeah, I won't touch those situations with a 10 foot pole even if all intentions are good because I refuse to jeopardize what I have. I'm with you 100%.
- Re: thoughts on fidelity roooth
16 y
3,017
- i have never truly loved but one wom... drofinnah
16 y
3,455
This is a reply to # 1,102,295and we are talking about 'LOVE' here... not sex... the two have very little in common... other than the fact that when two people are equally in love it makes sex what it was meant to be... the two trying to please each other... which carries sex to an entirely different level than most of us have ever experienced...
i do believe that women have a far better understanding of 'LOVE' than men... for one thing... women are born with a maternal instinct that men just do not have... so... in that regard i would say that women come into the world with a natural capacity for love... where as with most men it is more of a learned process... (if that makes sense)...
i have had many sexual experiences... been married twice... and even though i thought i loved the ones i married... on reflection i can see now that these marriages were mostly for all the wrong reasons... 'desire'... 'lust'... 'pleasure'... 'sex'... 'companionship'... put any name to it you wish... but the one thing that was missing was 'LOVE'... because the truth of the matter was that i did not know how to 'LOVE'... which i think is the whole problem here... most men... (and women too) are very much 'ego' driven... and upon learning about 'ego' one will quickly will discover that the 'ego' is not capable of 'LOVE'... simply because 'LOVE' is a 'Spiritual' emotion and can only come from caring about another person more than one cares about oneself... which under the scrutiny of truth... the 'ego' is not capable of doing...
sorry... kinda get carried away sometimes... getting a little too long winded here...
really just wanted to say... that when i finally found the 'LOVE' of my life... i never wanted any other... there was such a peace about it all... such a contentment i've never known... before or since... (but people do change... and sometimes... not always for the best)... i saw the 'LOVE' of my life gradually slipping away... and all i was left with was an illusion of how it use to be... and i'm saying that to say this... there comes a point when one must do what is best for ones own 'Self' preservation...
i guess the truth of the matter is that we learn as we go along... and eventually we all discover... (if we are observant enough)... that there are always consequences for how well... or how poorly we behave... we are accountable/responsible for our own actions... bottom line is that what we do to others... will come back to us in spades... so... always seek to do what is right... ok...??? that way... whenever you look in the mirror... there will be no shame... guilt... grief... remorse... self loathing... staring back at you... and you will only see that 'spiritual' someone within looking back at you... and this is truly where 'LOVE' dwells... and only there that we will ever find it... so... we all owe it to ourselves to be the best person we can be... regardless of what others may say or do...
"it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood"...
lol...
;-)
- Re: Only March April and He's Home! ... popoe
16 y
3,619
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