thoughts on fidelity

Are there truly faithful people out there? I saw a little bit of old standup from Eddie Murphy who says every man on the earth cheats. Every man. Plenty do, but I was very surprised when I found that my high school boyfriend had cheated on me. I didn't know. Can we have faith? Is it possible to have a partner that actually doesn't?

Let me tell you guys a story. I grew up watching my parents, and whatever dysfunction they did have, I can say one thing: they lived what they said they lived. All the church ideals were not lived on Sunday only. In fact it was only as a teenager that I came to notice that some people don't live the things they talk about at church. My parents were the same at home that they were at church, at work, anywhere, with regards to their moral standards. It was only after having grown up did I become aware of the CONCEPT of cheating. What, a person who is married might sleep with someone else? That was new, foreign.

When I was 14, my parents divorced and a few years later they were dating. Their belief was that you only have sex with the person to whom you are married. My mother in her awkward dorky kind of way made a comment when she started dating: "I can't wait to get married again so I can have sex!!!" Ok, mom, TMI, really. She'd only ever slept with my dad. My dad however converted to the religion after being a crazy wild teenager. I don't know how we got on the subject of his dating life, but I'd asked if he hadn't found women in the church to go out with and he said: "Women from the church only want to go to bed!!!" Holy crap. Ok, seriously, my parents are WAY too open with me!!! LOL I was surprised; this was the religion where people actually do what they say they believe, right? Hmmm, maybe not. But my dad and mom both did not sleep with anybody when they were single, much less when they were married to another person.

If ever I have moments of doubt, from watching Eddie Murphy or from hearing someone I thought hadn't cheated had... or from seeing people who are so good at playing sincere when they're not, I remember that there are men, not just women but men who absolutely do everything they believe and will absolutely not cheat. I know there are men like that out there. I don't believe it is the majority by far, but I believe it exists. I have different ideals; I had plenty of sex while single, lol, but I also do not cheat. I think it takes a certain aspect of character to appreciate the more mild stronger connection of a close long term relationship over the excitement of novelty. I think there is a strength of character necessary to be absolutely true, and there are people who have it.

My husband goes on the ship and stops at Thailand where he is surrounded by cheap whores, not to mention military women who are also away from home. I believe he is strong like my dad is and strong like I am, and that his heart is with me. There are people out there who can and do handle fidelity. I wanted to share this with women (or men) who have really started to doubt. Everything you want in a relationship can happen if you are the person who fits into the other half of the relationship. To me, looking for love is 2 part: dating and working on yourself to become the person who is a match for the person you want to have.

That's all for now. This one goes out to my husband who returns to me in May. :-)

~Ruth