|
A little longer...
...regardless of what they say
Date: 11/28/2005 1:41:07 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 2134 times Okay, I realize I sound like I may have a problem with distorted vision, but I do still want to slim down my thighs a little. I got so many comments this weekend about how I've gotten a lot skinnier. My fiance says I should stop losing weight now... It sounds so tempting. The good thing is that I'm not thinking about gorging on pizza but am thinking about the good things I'll eat when I go back to eating. I'm thinking about having little stacks of cucumber with avocado, and cauliflower puree soup with mushrooms... hmmm.
It's going fast now though, so it shouldn't take much longer. I haven't weighed in for four days, so I'm curious to see what the scales say tomorrow. Pants that were not decent on me on Friday are wearable now. There are four more pairs of jeans, some of them seem like they are quite a bit away still, but I think at this pace, I will start fitting them and will fit them properly in just two more weeks. Not too much longer. I'm so glad that I'm close. I'm tired of fasting. I'll have to overshoot my goal a bit, buy I'm still close. There's just a little more jiggle on my thighs and on my butt. I think it is one of those flaws that only I can see, but I do. Everybody has those right?
If I do take it down to my goal weight, I will have lost 50 pounds through fasting. On my frame and at my starting weight, that does make a big difference and I know that. People have said that they haven't recognized me.
All this feels very eating-disorder, and I hate that. I don' feel eating-disordered, I just hate that when I say what's on my mind it sounds like I'm a wacked out anorexic. I just want to be skinny, stay skinny, I don't want to waste away or lose weight just for the heck of losing weight. I want to eat regularly and healthily. I don't want to starve myself when I'm back to regular. I don't want to lose weight without limit.
I'm trying to remember what my thoughts were like when I had my only real anorexic phase for a longer period of time. (Everything thereafter was just back and forth between restricting and binging.) I wasn't fasting at that time, I was eating very restrictively. I think that I had a target weight then and would have been happy maintaining it. I think what happened was that I flipped back to binging becasue I was so upset that when I tried to restart eating I gained weight. Perhaps that's why I'm so worried about restarting eating this time around. Then, I remember exactly, the first day, I ate spaghetti with tomatoe sauce, for 300 calories, and I was 2 pounds heavier the next day. It freaked me out. That's why I want to give myself some room in case I do regain a little from restarting eating. I also won't be going to a diet that high in carbs. I'm still afraid though. Still looking for some kind of support forum or come-of-the-fast buddy...
Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites! Print this page
Email this page
 Alert Webmaster
|
