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People's reaction to my weight loss
Pregnant silence, staring.
Date: 11/24/2005 4:56:12 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 2131 times I tried to google this topic and find other people's thoughts on this and discovered that others have it a lot worse. Other people have nosy coworkers who want to know the details of how much they've lost, how they lost it, how much more they want to lose, and then freely give their advice and opinions on whether or not such course of action is advisable.
I work in a very corporate environment where most people find it not appropriate to comment on my weight loss. I guess I've lost about 30 pounds now, so it is significant. One girl remarked that she hardly recognized me, that she thinks what happened is that I lost a bunch of weight, and that I look like a supermodel now. I responded that I guessed I would take that as a compliment.
I worry about seeing people that I haven't seen for a while who will be surprised. I want people to either say, "oh, you've lost weight." or "oh, you look good." if they like, but to otherwise treat me as if I was the same person, because I am the same person, and not be more distant (implying jealousy) or more friendly (implying that they are interested in me solely based on my appearance). So far, I've experienced people staring, which might just be surprise, I guess, but it makes me uncomfortable. Probably in part because I feel defensive about the method by which I've lost weight.
Back when I lost weight many years ago, several people who had been good acquaintances and good friends had pretty intense reactions to it. One person said they did not want to spend time with me anymore, because it was too troubling to them to see me when they themselves were so unsuccessful in their quest to lose weight (we're talking someone who was 120 pounds and wanted to be 110, or something in that range). Another person stayed friends with me, but frankly admitted to me that it was very painful to them to see me quite thin when they were struggling. Both of the people just described also had eating disorders, so I guess they attached great importance to their appearance and weight. A third person basically guilt-tripped me for making her feel frustrated about herself and her inability to lose weight.
It makes me so sad when through things like this it comes out that certain female friends are measuring themselves against me.
I loved that my friends from grad school just didn't see me that way. In school, my weight loss was very gradual and comparatively small, but they were just happy for me because they just knew that losing weight was important to me and was something I struggled with, so when I had success in that endeavor, they were happy because I was happy.
You learn a lot about how people view you, view themselves, and view the relationship between you and them when you lose weight. Unfortunately, many will disappoint you, but others will surprise you positively. I remember once being so touched when after having lost a lot of weight, one co-worker that I had never really noticed that much before asked me "you look different somehow... did you get new glasses? a haircut?" Apparently at least one person was not obsessed with categorizing all females into ideal weight, pudgy, fat, obese.
And of course, the most important person of all... my fiance. He always loves me and treats me the same. I met him many years ago when I was still struggling a lot more with my eating disorder, and just a few months after we started seeing each other, I gained a lot of weight very fast (i.e. went from maybe 120 to 140). He was still just as attracted to me and loved me just as much as he did before. He never treated me differently, and was only concerned with how unhappy I was about my struggle with food and my weight. He's such a sweetheart. And now he's going along with this fasting thing without complaining too much. In the beginning he was surprised to find me skinnier every week and would insist for a few minutes that now it was enough and I could have some salad now. But he's just gotten used to having my company while eating but not having me eat with him if we go out for dinner, and to finding a little less of me left every time he sees me on the weekend. When he says that I have lost enough, I show him exactly the pieces of flab that bother me and that I would still like to lose, and after insisting that it's just "skin" (which is the cutest thing), he does acknowledge that I am not oh-my-god-give-her-a-cheeseburger-immediately yet by any means (nor do I want to become that way), and that if he didn't know me, I would not strike him as strikingly thin or too thin. So, he lets me go on. He always says he looks forward to eating together with me again, which is sweet. But he just supports me because he knows this endeavor is important to me. He just wants me to be happy. :)
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