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"Law Of Attraction"
How childhood trauma and core-issues attract and invite toxic people into our lives
Date: 6/10/2013 8:47:30 AM ( 11 y ) ... viewed 10008 times In my previous life, I interpreted the "Law Of Attraction" as being a mystical and unattainable enlightenment except for a chosen few. Those chosen few were of a personality type that I aspired to be: all-accepting; all-loving; all-positivity; all-healing.
In my recovery from my past experiences, I've begun to process what the "Law Of Attraction" is, and how it applies to me, specifically.
What this concept is NOT is:
* if I toss positive vibes out into the Universe, positive results will automatically follow
* if I maintain a positive attitude, I will generate healthy friendships and partnerships
* if I believe in the "goodness" of humanity, I will surely attract this goodwill to me
What I have discovered about this concept as it pertains to me, personally, is:
* any core-issues or obvious vulnerabilities will attract predators
* identifying and processing my core-issues allows me the luxury of repelling associations that could be harmful to me
* strength, courage, and intolerance of "bad" behaviors will repel potentially toxic individuals and possibly attract persons (and, events) that are healthy and supportive of my whole well-being
The work that I've been doing to recover has involved some heavy duty challenges. The first challenge was to recognize that I even HAD core-issues. To do this, I had to overcome my fear of ridicule and shame, and go talk to someone who was objective, trained, and "got it" about what I had experienced.
Once this work began, I quickly realized that there were things that I had to accept about myself. "Acceptance" was not a mandate to "LIKE" what I was discovering. The definition of "acceptance" is to acknowledge that certain facts cannot be re-negotiated or bargained into facts that were more pleasant or appealing.
For those who were raised in a dysfunctional environment (child abuse/neglect, alcoholism/addictions, illegal activities, etc.), core values and beliefs were formed by the dynamics. Period. There is no "getting over" or "moving on" from childhood traumas of neglect, abandonment, abuse, etc. There just isn't.
The most enlightening thing about what the exspath did to me was that he was able to hone in on my NEEDINESS with surgical precision. I always wore my feelings on my forehead, spoke about my personal experiences from a victim's point of view, and verbally reiterated what I believed I needed with my own mouth.
"It's hard for me to trust," "I was in an abusive relationship," "Former spouse lied and had affairs," etc. were ALL my definitions of myself and my neediness. So, what does this have to do with the "Law Of Attraction?"
Right. If I were an antelope on the Serengeti, my vulnerabilities would be apparent to any predator. A hyena or lioness might pick up a scent of birth in the air after I produced offspring. The offspring is brand new and I would be physically weak from giving birth. A predator would likely be camouflaged and might even cover itself with fecal matter to disguise its own scent from its prey. Then, when I was focused on my offspring or momentarily inattentive, the predator would strike and take down my offspring, and/or me.
Human predators are able to detect target vulnerabilities much the same way. We speak words, present body languages, and give every hint and outright confirmation of our vulnerabilities, ourselves. If there is something that the predatory human being doesn't have, envies, or despises, they set their crosshairs on the vulnerabilities. In my case, it was the NEEDINESS of the damaged and traumatized child. I needed to feel a sense of family. I needed to feel loved, accepted, and approved of. Not only was this neediness apparent, but it was desperately apparent. The exspath saw these "weaknesses," and the financial source attached to the weak target, and went to work.
Today, I am not the same person that I once was. I'm working on these issues of neediness and embracing my "weaknesses" with acceptance and hard work to alter my whole system of beliefs and approaches to interactions. I have recognized, finally, that the "Law Of Attraction" is far, far different than simple wishful thinking.
So, when an individual is emotionally strong and healthy, toxic individuals will avoid them because the healthy individuals don't NEED the approval and acceptance of another human being. Therefore, the healthy individual won't buy into flattery or glib remarks. The healthy individual will recognize the indicators of a toxic individual and simply head in the other direction without anger, malice, or shame.
I truly believe that the "Law Of Attraction" begins with emotional health and attending to flawed or damaged core-issues. Once the work begins on those issues, the traumatized individual realizes that they actually have OPTIONS and that they are "permitted" to call a spade precisely what it is.
Here's to a positive day of recovery. Despite any other issues, it's a "good" day to recognize that I'm going to be just fine.
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