Having typed this, I've accepted the abysmal settlement and now I am faced with the arduous task of rebuilding my life with nothing to work with.  I have no delusions of how challenging this is going to be, but I know that I've won, in the end.  The exspath is, was, and will forever remain a very sick, very disordered, and very serious financial and emotional threat to any other living human being that he comes into contact with. 

Now, down to business.  Most States in the U.S. maintain "No Fault Divorce."  This literally translates into what it sounds like:  no fault is found in dissolving a contract of marriage.  Both parties receive "equitable distribution" of all properties, assets, and financial income.  If one party is disabled and clearly unable to work but cannot afford to pay for an "expert witness" (roughly $1500), then minimum wages are "imputed" and incorporated in the "equitable distribution."  If assets have been dissolved through deliberate coercion and outright forgeries, there are no punitive remedies to force a defendant to pay restitution.  It's simply a wash.

I would like to see a global outrage to repeal "No Fault Divorce."  Unless a couple determines that they will part amicably and without malice, "No Fault" allows for every manner of betrayal without a single consequence.  In most cases of divorce, someone is "at fault," if not both parties.  One party has maintained countless extramarital affairs, or abused their spouse, or defrauded their spouse of finances.  It's a rare event that someone comes home, one day, and says in all honesty, "I believe this relationship has run its course, and I'd like to divorce without any ill-will towards you.  I'll maintain your household requirements, health care needs, and that of the children, and we don't need to fight about this."  "No Fault" needs to either be thoroughly re-examined and amended to allow for punitive damages to be awarded, OR abolished, entirely.  The canundrum for this proposal is that 98% of all divorces  in the U.S. are settled through negotiations via mediators or attorney representation.  This means that abolition of "No Fault" would reduce attorney income, dramatically.  Given that most Civil actions are "resolved" in settlement, divorce attorneys can command a minimum of $2500 USD up to many tens of thousands simply negotiating a single settlement. 

"Negotiating" is a morass of proposals, counter-proposals, and endless emails and telephone conversations that typically cost $350 per hour to the represented client.  Think about this in terms of someone who is in a desperate emotional and, most typically, financial situation.  The client is charged $60 for the attorney to read an email, and another $60 to respond to that email.  Most parties involved in an acrimonious divorce are fraught with anxiety, stress, and fear that is typically visited upon the representing attorney.  "I just tried to pick up my child and he/she was a full hour late for the visitation exchange,"  This communication is going to cost the client.  "I have no way to pay my electric bill, this month, and I'm about to have my services stopped.  What do I do?"  This real concern is going to cost the client, as well.

By repealing or, at the very least, amending "No Fault" divorce, attorneys would be required to actually work on behalf of their clients.  Additionally, the possibility of a divorce action against a cheating spouse, abusive spouse, or fraudulent spouse would be a HUGE deterrent to stupid choices if punitive damages, monetary compensation, and/or restitution were a given fact prior to entering into a contract of marriage.  In my situation, a third of what I had been relieved of could have allowed me to begin rebuilding my life in many ways by securing decent housing, transportation, medical care, and education.  I was married strictly for my money, and when it was gone, I was discarded and left for dead.

Health care is something else that needs immediate attention with regard to "No Fault" divorce.  When one spouse has been maintained on the other's health insurance coverage for the duration of the marriage, the other party is relieved of any obligation to continue providing any health care coverage once the divorce is final.  Of course, this isn't typically the case if there are children in common, but enforcing Court Orders is a merry-go-round that never ends once inertia takes over.  Consequently, when one party chooses to quit a job to avoid alimony or child support payments, they would reconsider this childish decision if serious consequences were likely, rather than a 10-day stretch in the County Jail or "Legal Sanctions," which consist of a finger-wagging from a Judge followed by, "Now, now....you really shouldn't DO that."   

If couples who were entering into a legal, binding contract of marriage were aware that violation of that contract would, without a doubt, result in serious financial consequences, Family Courts wouldn't be choked with overloaded dockets of people who should never have married in the first place.  Family Court could direct its attention to more serious matters of child abuse, domestic violence, and fraudulent marriages.  There would be far less "cheating, lying, and stealing" being perpetrated and the Law would begin reconstructing a system of moral, ethical, and legal guidelines that spiraled out of control.  There would be fewer victims of marriage fraud, and individuals would be held to a higher standard than they are currently allowed.

When all else fails, hitting a person's income and financial stability seems to be the only thing that people respond to when consequences are rendered.  "No Fault" was developed primarily to protect housewives from destitution and ruin when their husbands left them for another woman, taking income and property obtained as a result of "their income" with them.  While it was a "good idea," it is a very poor solution, especially when one party was clearly "at fault."  As it stands, there is no legal financial remedy for anyone who has been defrauded, abused, and/or abandoned by their spouse, and this is unacceptable and utterly inequitable.

For those who have endured and survived an abusive, fraudulent marriage, you have my most sincere understanding and compassion.  For those of you that haven't, count yourselves lucky.  For those who are contemplating divorce, be aware that the only people who "win" in any divorce action are the representing attorneys.

Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites!