Fellow dupes! I say ”dupes” to shock you into seeing the METABOLIC-PHYSIOLOGIC reason(s) for ”narcissism.” My daddy asked me, ”What is in rabies that makes a dog bite?” His reply was, ”Nothing.” Nothing in rabies programs a dog to bite. It is lashing out at a bodily malfunction induced by rabies attacking the nervous system. The same thing can happen with all people and especially with narcissists. For example, people can be lashing out as neurologic UNDER-FIRERS. Got that? Love you. Carry on with me. When one ”psychologizes” a METABOLIC-PHYSIOLOGIC DISORDER you get the infinite therapy ca ...
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Hey, I am in a similar (carbon copy) situation as described by Domino. The only difference is that my Husband of 16 years has failed to see through his family’s antics. He has actually tried to take me for counselling for our ’martial problems’. Unfortunately, it took me 16 years to realize what I am dealing with. I now know that clinical psychology has a name for this family dynamics. However, I am still not sure which way would my husband switch. A loose reference by me to him being manipulated by his family send him into a furious rage. Seems I am riding a blind mad horse and also ...
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Hello there! I know this is an old post, but It hit me so hard like a ton of bricks! I cried when I read it last night, I re-read it to my sister just now, and boo hood again!. I am so sorry about what you’ve had to live through. I see my situation so perfectly through your story. A bit of variation of course, each family is different, but on the whole, the same crap I’ve been dealing with for 13 years. The mother (my mother in law) (even though Im not really legally married to my narc), is the supreme ”narc being” in the family. The dad (father in law) is semi narc and has no say i ...
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Nice! Very interesting read   [End]
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Domino, I can’t begin to describe how empowering and liberating it was for me to stumble up on this website and specifically your post. This was five years ago. How are things now? I too married into a Narc family and Dear God it’s been hell for the past 11+ years of our marriage. It would be so helpful for me to learn more about your journey since distancing yourself and setting very necessary and healthy boundaries. I did the same--refuse to spend wknd or holidays with my husband’s family about 5 yrs ago and it went over like a lead ballon. It’s bad. There have been two failed marr ...
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Weary, I’m so sorry for your experiences.  Its sounds as if there are a number of toxic dynamics going on in this "family," from the MIL to the husband and on to the step-son.  There is absolutely nothing that you can do to "save" this marriage.  You can only "save" yourself.  If, by chance, your own personal changes promote positive effects upon the relationships, then that’s terrific and the marriage may become healthier, in due time.  However, from what you typed, there is a reason that the first marriage ended in divorc ...
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My husband and I have been married for a year and 6 months and it’s been the most awful experience in my life with my MIL, her immediate family knows exactly how she is but like everything I’ve read so far, no they can’t change her. My husband has spoken nicely to cussing and yelling, when he does cuss and yell she’ll ask him why he’s talking to her that way, he responds because you are not listening and understanding only hearing me. She does very nice things for you then uses it against you. She moves everything in our home from where I had it. The biggest problem besides touching thing’ ...
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Stay away from them as far as possible. You can’t change other people. All you can do is avoid those who you don’t need in your life. WS   [End]
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How does one deal with sociopathic parents and siblings once you realized they have sabotaged your entire, gaslighting, fake caring amd smearing you behind your back? What do you do once you realize after 50 years that you woke up?   [End]
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Why would my beautiful daughter Marry a man like this ... And then go on to have three kids he is a narcissist sociopaths he devoured my daughter self-esteem and He is now moved on and doing it to his children she’s left him and is living here with us my husband And I but there has been so much damage to these kids already I don’t know how to deal with my grandkids anymore ! When I used to go to my daughters house to help and visit I was more like the happy go lucky grandma who played with them but now that they are living here I understand what my daughter was trying to tell me that the m ...
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Nothing staying home in the evening but I thought I would come by and bring you present Name Of Stone INFORMATION ON STONE Agate Agate is good protective energy stone, especially for children, and is very calming and soothing. It also can help strengthen the body’s connection to the earth. It can give courage, energy, strength, and dispels fears, all of which increase self-confidence. It can also lessen feelings of envy by grounding the emotions. It is a stone of harmony, and by bringing the elements of one’s being into harmony it greatly enhances healing. Agate also enhances cr ...
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I have just left my boyfriend of 3 full years and my best friend of 5 or 6 and reading this post has been a flashback into the incredible pain and abuse I felt during that time in my life. I am struggling to stay away because I truly, with all my heart, fell in love with their son. It took me this long to realize that he cannot have more than a superficial relationship because of almost 30 years of mental abuse and although I pity him and his inability to separate himself from his family, I can no longer subject myself to this. For so long, he could not even recognize or admit to himself ...
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This is my family too. I divorced after a 24 year marriage and it was like a chocalite morsel to the deprived. They loved adding to my pain and stirring up drama. I actually moved away and for my own healing, stayed away from all of them. Of course, they made up all sorts of juicy reasons why (none true). It took several years to see from a distance how much stress they added to my life. All mine are ”good church going southern baptists” ..... My faith is me and my Bible, a group of ladies I study with, a few Christian radio programs and that’s all. Still healing from the damage of my nar ...
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I married into a family with narcissists also. And they all attend church faithfully, unless they want to be vindictive towards the pastor, at which point they will try to cancel services. So I understand what you are saying.   [End]
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Please, see your other thread for my response.  I would strongly suggest seeking legal advice, ASAP.   [End]
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Hi! I have a child with what i believe to be an undiagnosed narcissist/sociopath. i have read tons on the subject and even got so desperate i had a counselling session over the phone and was advised to discuss things with a dr as my childs safety and well being are important and it is better safe than sorry. after a couple more months i again felt i had reached my wits end and took up thiis advice. the first dr i discussed it with was ok and gave me another appointment with the clinics ’mental health expert’ this i attended and while i was giving him the back ground on why i believed my pa ...
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WOW. First I want to say thank you for taking the time to write your experience. It really helps those of us trying to make sense of very similar family dynamics. Your story was so similar to mine that it was scary. I think the thing that people do not understand is how these people totally try and destroy your self image. I came from an abusive childhood. My mother was very abusive when I was young. I feel in some ways it made me strong. I feel very intensely other people’s pain and problems and I find that I am good at helping people. I am however too loyal, WAY too generous and sens ...
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Ur husbands family are grandiose npd. Reading ur story i can see u r a strong woman. I m so happy for u that ur husband was not a npd himself n he was willing to get jelp. I have never shared my story n i am still not free... I wld like to share my story in hopes that it may help someone else. I m 56 and i have been dealing with this cruel, pathological nothing for 38 yrs. I will have to finish my story at a later date. I have to run out. But God Bless U.   [End]
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Domino, I actually thought I might have wrote this myself. I actually checked to see if I did and forgot! I used to feel the same way about NC. I was about a day away from demanding it, they disowned us, that includes my husband and our children, Their grandchildren. What is sad, is when I look back, the day we were disowned was the happiest day of my life and I have children! Do not ever EVER feel guilty for going NC. It is the only way to stop this.Stay Strong!   [End]
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SoulSurvivor, Absolutely 100% True. My husband of almost 25 years was high functioning, successful in business, had lots of spiritual knowledge and even practiced a variety of meditations regularly for many years, YET, he had very serious attachment issues and serious emotional instability when it came to conflict. Despite appearing to be so together in himself, highly intelligent and even aware and admitting he had a serious emotional issues he still refused to seek real help. The label doesn’t matter, it’s the behaviour which does, but he actually had BPD. I had no idea what I was deali ...
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To forgive a perpertrator you don’t have to actually meet them. Maybe it’s something inside you have to say to yourself. Unless the victim makes it clear to the perp face to face that the forgiveness is actually only intended to free themselves (the victim) of that awful, abhorrent and vile ball of toxic emotion that poisons the soul. This will obviously depend on the disposition of the victim involved. We are all different. But really extreme preparation with the right professionals prior to making a move like this is vital. It’s a massive task, bubble than anything. Personally I’d be mor ...
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I want to react to the thyroid part, you want her to get the right kind. Here are 2 links you should read. The 2nd link has also a link inside and read the article and the comments. http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=2192641 http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=2192701   [End]
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I’m very sorry for you, your wife, and all people who are affected. BPD does not - DOES NOT - have a ”cure,” and is only marginally managed IF the BPD person is willing to engage in some serious behavior modification. Even then, it’s typically so toxic to family members and friends that it’s ruinous. Best wishes for you and your wife.   [End]
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My wife was diagnosed with BPD many years ago and last year she had her thyroid removed (hyper) at the urging of 2 doctors. She is still dealing with the symptoms of BPD and her thyroid levels are still being fine tuned.   [End]
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Absolutely true. Perfectly put !!! Best wishes to you.   [End]
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I’m sorry that you are experiencing the drama\trauma of a dysfunctional family dynamic. But, I will make a suggestion that getting out before you enter the legal and binding contract of marriage would be a very prudent consideration. The first problem is that this guy is not yet divorced and the drama and trauma of the proceedings can actually BIND you to, and WITH someone that may be toxic to you. It’s a very recognized condition called ”trauma bond” by professionals. I speak on this from 30 years of experiences with 2 vastly different ex spouses that were disordered. The longer ...
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You just described the hell I am going through like a fly on the wall. My situation isn’t nearly as bad only because we haven’t married. One reason is he’s in a divorce currently with also a narc.( I’ll use this abbreviation) when referring to the toxic people. I had no idea what in Gods name was so wrong with this ” family” until I stumbled onto a Dr.Phil show this summer. Its like a light went on. A light house sized light. I am actually better at dealing with it all since I at least know what the hell is up with them. It helps very much to just read about the traits and reasons. I’m a d ...
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I have had 2 girlfriends that fall into the cluster B. A Borderline and a Narcissist. Yes you get blamed for everything and they dont feel responsibilty, both of them broke up and within a month they were engaged or pregnent with other men whom they called ”the love of their life”. Best thing to do is laugh it off and feel sorry for the next douchebag that knocked her up.   [End]
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Guilt is useless only feeds the ego. Regret and renunciation is the way. Cause and effect is the reason our lives turn out the way they do. Karma is always with you. We need to take responsibility for our actions. It is not gods will, it is karma collected by us all our lives past and present. Blessings   [End]
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Hi, I am very interested in this subject, too. My mother displays all of the narcissistic traits. She also has a Grave’s disease and hyperthyroidism. Recently she developed goiter. It all worsens very much when she’s in stress and the symptoms nearly disappear when she relaxes for a longer period of time. She is very critical, perfectionist and believes she has to be always right, and she’s extremely defensive. Her father was kind of brutal and very strict, and her mother was very submissive. She has a friend who is very similar to her in personality. She also went for hyperthyroid tr ...
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I don’t know - I have pondered this question. I grew up with an NPD mother and everyday saw her make the choice and use her energy to make a false reality. What if this energy was put towards making life better rather than making it seem like it’s normal?????   [End]
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I agree whole heatedly with your post - the cycle needs to end somewhere somehow. I have taken my own person measures to never have children. Both sides of my family are full of axis I and axis II disorders - schizophrenia, bi-polar, sociopathy, severe depression, NPD, BPD, alcoholism, anorexia, and drug addition. There is sexual, mental, emotional and physical abuse all over the place. I have decided to never have a child. I am now in my early 40’s and feel a bit sad that I am not to have this experience. I however had an extremely dysfunctional family and while I was able to obta ...
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Domino, I didn’t read your entire post, but I "get it" about this family.  Because I didn’t read the entire post, I’m unclear as to whether or not this "family" is cohabitating in this run-down house that you were pressured into buying, or if there are children as a result of your marriage. I can’t (and, won’t) tell you what to do - you’ve engaged in counseling to save your marriage, but this marriage is doomed, regardless of how much counseling you’ve engaged in with your husband.  He is allowing this abuse, and you clearly have a choice before you:&n ...
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I haven’t read Your whole posting, but I have an idea what You’re talking about. Glad You know what You’re dealing with. I have a narcissistic mother. ”Yikes!” No contact. All the best to You, You’re not alone.   [End]
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I married into a narcissistic family, and it has been a nightmare and the worst experience of my life. 7 years later, I’ve distanced myself from them, and that is all you can do, but the damage they have done to our marriage has affected us in so many ways that our relationship will never be 100%, but we make it work. It’s been a long struggle, and much counseling to make my husband realize things about his family that he never realized before. I’ve heard of narcissism, knew (or thought I knew) what it meant, but never understood the true meaning of the word until I met them and have ha ...
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The Barbara Brennan School of Healing has a generous amount of information that ties psychological patterns of disease in relation to physical wellness and healing. Both books she has written are essential to own, although her second book has more information on thyroid problems. It certainly is possible that a fracturing of the nervous-system (science term) or chakras/channels (spiritual term) has happened in the thyroid area. This type of physical or energetic trauma surely could lead to a personality disorder or mental imbalance later on in life. You just have to research it more ...
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Nope, nope, nope.  "Personality Disorder" suggests that the choices of behaviors of individuals that "fit the profile" of certain conditions can somehow be treated, managed, and/or "cured."  In some "disorders," this may be true to a certain extent, but it is very limited. When discussing NPD or sociopathy/psychopathy, there is no "organic" cause for the choices of these individuals.  Thyroid issues have absolutely NO impact upon whether or not an individual has a conscience or sense of remorse.  Thyroi ...
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I’m sorry that you’ve had these experiences.  Blue Rose is spot-on.  Document, document, document.  And, contact your State Bar Association and ask for a referral to several "Divorce Specialists," not just divorce attorneys.  If you live in a state that maintains "no fault" divorce, you may want to consider criminal charges if you have a means to support yourself.  A website that specifically addresses surviving sociopathic entanglements may offer you invaluable information and hope:  www.lovefraud.com Keep in mind that you ...
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 i know what you mean....how are you doing now? i just want to know someone can get out of one of these....wanted to talk to someone....   [End]
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I agree with you.I too really do not think that this man I love can ever be cured. He is in such deep denial of EVERYTHING. I can be cured, but the only way is to decide when to get out of this relationship. I really lost my ”cool” being with him for 7 years. He has literally sucked the ”cool” right out of my soul. Now I am beginning to be bitter towards him. Trying to avoid him at all costs. Kind of my defense mechanism. Sad for him actually, because if and when I do leave, he will blame me for everything that went wrong. And again live in denial of what truly happened. I am glad for thos ...
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I am in a similar situation to   [End]
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I’ve read several different articles that stated that the two ’may’ be related, some scientific, firmly beleiving thyroid disorders, such as hypothyroidism, can be a direct or indirect cause. Makes sense as thyroid hormones influence many bodily functions, especially energy levels. I was wondering if anyone else came across the possible relation between the two, or if anyone who has (or knows someone who has) hypothyroidism or some other thyroid disorder/disease that also has personality/social dysfunctions or disorders? That’s a complex issue of culture and upbringing, includ ...
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I’ve read several different articles that stated that the two ’may’ be related, some scientific, firmly beleiving thyroid disorders, such as hypothyroidism, can be a direct or indirect cause. I was wondering if anyone else came across the possible relation between the two, or if anyone who has (or knows someone who has) hypothyroidism or some other thyroid disorder/disease that also has personality/social dysfunctions or disorders? The reason I ask this, is that I personally know two persons (both of which who are females close to me) who exhibit symptoms of both a thyroid disorder A ...
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He may be a lawyer and 15 years younger than you but that doesn’t mean you’re ”screwed”. You just need to find the best lawyer and hire him/her. In the meantime, document everything that he has said and done. Have your kids do the same. Stop feeling defeated (that’s what he wants you to feel) and get going! Best of luck to you.   [End]
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Hmm not sure if anyone is out there to read this post.........but it is another night where I feel tired and alone even though I have lived with a NPD partner for 6years. I have so much to share with readers.....I feel trapped and not sure how to escape especially when my NPD controls all the money....but not only does he control all the money he has also borrowed $25,000 from my daughter and 10,000 from my son and has taken 82,000 of my parents estate promising me that my name would be on the title of the home we shared.......i know what your thinking......get it back from him! the only ...
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With all due respect, this post might better be served on the "NPD:  Survivors" forum.  This board is for really for people who are NPD and may be looking for techniques to manage their NPD issues. With regard to your title question, " What happens if you call a narcistic out on their crap? "  The answer is quite simple:  a malignant NPD will be placed on the defensive and be given the perfect excuse to launch a full-on smear campaign against whomever pointed out Truth.  And, there is no level too low for them to stoop to in an ef ...
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”We are both doubting the capabilities of my FOURTH therapist now (narcissists are masters at manipulating and discarding therapists) Find one experienced with narcistics and one you could actually like and admit it to.. then maybe they could help you. ”” My narcissistic mind can’t think of anything to do other than what I’ve been doing—making her the food she likes, offering massages, and cleaning every week. I know now that I’ve been abusive, manipulative, selfish, and narcissistic, and all I want is to do what’s best and healthiest for my ex and myself. I’m in a tough ...
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What does it do to them? Does it make them back down..see the light of their ways.. Or do they feel like such jackasses that they just get more mad and change their angle? The wackjob cannot control me or manipulate me. It just can’t be done. Maybe I inherited a piece of that narcissistic gene, I don’t know. I just see through all the BS and somehow see beneath the surface. But I’ve never really called him out on anything and presented facts. And I’m getting closer to making my move. For instance - You can’t convince your adult child that you paid child support for 18+ years when t ...
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I am in a very unusual situation and desperately need advice. My relationship of four years with an amazing women ended four weeks ago. We lived together from the time we first met as roommates, and in the beginning I swept her off her feet in an EXTREME way—preparing three-course meals with music, taking her on spontaneous dates or trips, massages, watching movies together, grocery shopping, doing laundry and decorating the apartment together—all before we were even officially together! Then things changed. I cut off the relationship suddenly 3 weeks in because I felt we were gettin ...
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Hi, I’m a 24 year old male who has recently discovered I am a narcissist. Through my entire life, I convinced myself that I was happy and that any pain I felt was unimportant or unreal, and I became paranoid of being rejected and unloved if any conflict occurred between me and another person. I felt that I had to earn love from others by being happy all the time, and everyone in my world--family and friends--seemed to validate that I was as happy, calm, peaceful and content as a teen could be. But in the context of committed romantic relationships, when intimacy and the passage of inev ...
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http://curezone.com/upload/Art/4dhLhMEf75_large_preview.jpg Make friends with your shadow. All your shadow ever wanted to do was protect you. Your shadow desperately wants you to survive, its scathing criticisms and sarcastic put downs are all designed to do one thing and one thing only - to train your psyche to endure exactly those attacks which you received as a vulnerable child. If they are dead or you have gone no contact with them, these abusers are now gone from your life. All that is left now is you and your shadow. Your shadow is so very lonely, accepted and loved by no-one, ... [Image Embedded Here]
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I agree. I feel Destructive personality disorder is a even better name than NPD because it allows people to understand easy what unfortunately happens. Due to the mental illness these people only destroy.   [End]
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Def KEEP THE YORKIE!! Poor yorkie. Give husband some kleenex and keep cute adorable  little Yorkie away from his nose. I would worry she would get something from HIM!! j/k   [End]
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...I use ”the ex” a lot, or his last name, depending on the circumstances. I’ve always felt that being decent about it, was the best policy...especially to strangers and new acquaintances. Old friends, of course, know more than that. It’s worked well since the mid-80’s...and not hurt the son, I believe. F. But dh has another name for him, on occasion. Heh-heh.   [End]
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sneaking in some spam for your replacement windows? checked your posting history. tricky   [End]
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let’s do the right thing :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLTJ5ktfyw8   [End]
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You are a cheeky one :) spud   [End]
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Spud, are you still available? I mean free...   [End]
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marry him again, just for fun...   [End]
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 Molly, dear heart, what a bunch of horsesh*t!  I disagree with the article in that a narcissist (particularly, a malignant narcissist) doesn’t have any choices or even a rudimentary understanding of the damage that they cause!  Moreover, I disagree that most narcissists are male - on the contrary, I notice more NPD behaviors among women, especially young females.   "Jerk" .....yah..... just doesn’t fill the bill!  LOVE YA!!!  :D   [End]
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You could always try a few of these alternatives :) spud [Video Embedded Here]   [End]
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How in the hell am I supposed to ”label” my ex husband now? Jerk never seemed to cut it... :-( http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/30/health/views/30mind.html?_r=2&nl=health&emc=healthupdateema10   [End]
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Even though Yorkie’s aren’t my type of breeds..I’d keep the yorkie over the husband too.. LOL   [End]
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iv been in a 12 year relationship with someone who has npd when i broke up with him, he was still making contact, communicating with me, texting me, calling me, emailing me saying he just wants to know if im ok. so i text back or respond that i am ok, & then the pattern starts again - & it went on for 2 years more - the excellent good times and the painfully hurtful gut wrenching heart tearing BAD times. emotionally and mentally!!! (he was physically abusive in the early part of our relationship.) it was only 2 months ago that I learned he was going to be married to somenone ...
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LOL!!!! This is one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read! After reading the subject line, I thought for sure it was someone asking on behalf of her husband’s health. When you think about where dogs’ tongues go..........   [End]
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It pizzes me off everytime I see it happen. Could he make her sick? (he certainly does me). I happen to think he has worms in his head for reasons I won’t go into to although I will mention he has Parkinson’s. Any thoughts on this? I’d prefer to keep the yorkie if someone has to go. ------------------------------ Oh, wow...! I’m practically speechless! Your husband has Parkinson’s and other health ailments yet you would rather keep the Yorkie instead of him? Obviously, I don’t know the whole story but still---I have to ask---whatever happened to for better or for worse, for ric ...
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We have an adorable 10 month old yorkie. She is very social and early on for some odd reason started sticking her tongue up my husbands nose. He never reprimanded her for this so it has become a pattern. It pizzes me off everytime I see it happen. Could he make her sick? (he certainly does me). I happen to think he has worms in his head for reasons I won’t go into to although I will mention he has Parkinson’s. Any thoughts on this? I’d prefer to keep the yorkie if someone has to go.   [End]
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