My Abusers

"I know how it is to be completely taken in by a cool, talented and handsome man. To have one of those that show you love and respect would be the ultimate. To have one of those that are acting like your boyfriend is an accident waiting to happen."

Perfectly put.  I had one that fit in this category perfectly.  I watched as he treated other women very bad, as well, at the same time he was treating me very bad.  You try to separate yourself from them and think you are somehow special to him.  But, I am certain they all thought that about themselves, too. 

"At the end of our relationship, he was trying to control me by saying that no one would want me. I'd been in a downward spiral of over eating, and my ego was gone."

I had one of those, too, just prior to the one I am speaking about above.  He told me that none of his friends liked me and that they thought I was a psychopath and they wondered what he was doing with me. He said no one was going to want someone like me.  At times, he would be nice by saying he guesses it is not all my fault, that my parents raised me wrong, he especially singled out my mother.  The whole time I was with him, he would angrily talk about how my mom controlled my dad in every way and how wrong it was and how he should never put up with it, etc....  The thing is, that my parents don't see any problems like this going on and have been happily married since before I was born.  But, my mom does what she wants and goes where she wants and won't put up with any nonsense, and my ex-boyfriend could not stand that.  He would tell me that women should be seen and not heard.  Later, I talked to some of his ex-girlfriends (he had 6 ex-wives and many ex-girlfriends).  I could write a book on this guy.  His friends made monetary bets as to how long women would last living with him.  Anyway, his ex-girlfriends all told the same horrid stories about his behavior and how they were treated.  He liked to sit in the dark in his car sometimes and watch to see if men came to their house.  It doesn't matter who or if nothing is going on, he would accuse them of it anyway.  He loved to have something to hold over your head to make you feel bad and ashamed even if it was nothing bad you did.  I also later talked to the friends he said hated me.  They said no, it was him they didn't like, that he owed them money and they had some stories to tell, as well. 

You could define Sociopath by this guy, but I will tell you one thing about Sociopaths that is one of their  prime methods of operation...to be secretive about their quirky behavior.  Only the people they want to see this behavior are the ones they expose to it.  My ex-boyfriend I noticed did not have anyone you would really call close friends.  He knew some really cool upstanding people, but I noticed we would only see those people very briefly and generally only a few times a year.  He did not want those people to see his odd behaviors and he could not contain them long if he spent any length of time around someone.  I knew a guy who was working on a project with him and had to live with him for a few months.  I think he thought I was nuts, but after a month, he began to see this nutso sociopathic behavior in this guy and he was telling me stories about it.  He could not wait until the project was over so he could get away from the guy.  Unfortunately, women see these odd secretive behaviors as making them special because they know about them.  They find them endearing and are flattered they are allowed to know about them.  That is one of the things these guys count on and it represents what you were saying, that know one knows him like you do.  Every woman wants to feel special and in this type of a relationship, she will grasp at any little morsel thrown to her to feel that way. 

These type of guys will even tolerate their women getting upset sometimes because they know that it will all end the same, that they will stay and cater to them and tolerate their behaviors.  They learn the minimum of what it takes to keep them.  These men hate strong women and they have sonar for easy targets.  They seek out women who are easily manipulated by their charms, generally ones who have been abused before.  My mother saw through this guy from day 1 and she had heard he was a womanizer.  She warned me, but I didn't listen, because he explained all that away.  He said he simply picked the wrong women.  Unfortunately, I wasted 2 years believing this.  He told me I was worthless.  I ended up not eating, resorting to drinking and I would call all my friends, who he had isolated me from (he didn't want me around my mom, either, he said she was a bad influence), and begged them to tell me what I could do to make him happy with me.  This is the abuse syndrome I described in my earlier post.  Of course, none of them offered this type of advice and if you ever have anyone who does, they are not a true friend;  Because, in my most recent abusive relationship (and hopefully my last), I had a so-called friend who was trying to help me get the abuser to like me better by telling me all kinds of things to do and ways to behave.  One day he admitted that he was lying and knew the guy didn't like me and would never be with me.  Then, he turned around and blamed me for my bad behavior and told me how bad I was.  Geez, and I had known that guy for many years (never spent much time around him though).  It goes to show you that they are everywhere, you really have to be careful who you trust and put your faith in. 

And, one last thing, you always have to be on guard, because I was with a guy who told me I was so worthless that I almost committed suicide.  When I recovered, I learned how to spot control freaks in a second and I never ever thought I would end up in one of those relationships again.  I was wrong.  The first guy who came along turned out to be the same exact way.  But, the thing you always have to remember is it always starts as the abuse syndrome, meaning they are on their best behavior and pouring on the charm, it's not the guys who are overtly controlling and jerks from the beginning that you now have to worry about.  You'll laugh in their face and think you have things all figured out.  Well, Sociopathic men are one step ahead of you, always.  They will lure you in and save the abuse for later when they know you are hooked and won't leave.