my story

i just wanted to tell everyone my story so if you need help i am here for you. i grew up a vegetarian and an athlete but a "pretty" girl. i was the kind of girl who was a huge tom boy but a pretty girl at the same time. i was a vegetarian since i was very young, before the sixth grade, but always had issues with food. i ate healthy obviously, especially around other people. however, if i was buy myself i always sneaked in junk food. a lil debbie snack cake here, some cookies, or whatever was around the house. if i was training for sports i very occassionally stole a lot of food. i would ever keep the wrappers around the house. i dont know what i did it but i did. and that's about the time the addiction started. anyways, even though i was a pretty girl i was never skinny. i was an athlete. i was 5'3 and 120 no fat but muscle, but all my other friends (we are at the high school level now) were always soooo skinny. i mean we were all the same age and height and played sports or cheerleaded but for some reason i was just average. i wasn't skinny. i didn't look too much into it but it still made me feel different. so i still stole my sweets throughout that time, nothing too ridiculous. i think i stole the food because i didn't want my family and friends to know that there little health nut wasn't as health conscious as i tried to be, and that would look like a failure on my part.

so i go to college. well hell, everyone was skinny where i went to college. i mean for god sakes i went to a university where there was a fashion college, and let me tell you there were gorgeous girls everywhere. i became obsessed with working out...not just playing sports anymore i began to really get into cardio and light weight lifting to stay toned...this also was intensified because i actually worked at the rec center at my college. so i was working out like two times a day because of convenience. so i slimmed up. i went from 125, i put on more muscle my senior year, to about 115 and loved it. well i still stole my sweets however. and i would still only do it privately. i never ate anything unhealthy infront of people....ever. at this point i cut out all fried food and had for pretty much most of my life. sweets were my life and everything i loved. dont get me wrong my friends and i would go get mexican sometimes but i harshly worked out afterwards. so i'm skinny and working out, and honestly meeting more guys i had ever dreamed of. they loved me. i was fun, outgoing, pretty, liked sports and exersizing, i mean everything guys love while still being a girly girl but not. then i met jason. jason was 6'7 215 pounds and nothing but muscle, gorgeous, and a basketball player. long story short we started dating and it was amazing. we were in love. well he cheated on me and we then broke up. i went through a crazy time of nothing but drinking, partying, hooking up, and doing my own thing. a couple months later i started gaining a lil bit of weight. i wasn't fat or anything but i was back to 125 and that wasn't ok because jason and i started dating again. we were honestly eating ice cream one day,which to this day i still can't believe i let happen, and i was like omg i feel disgusting. i said, "i bet if i threw up i would feel better." so i got up went to the bathroom and tried to throw up. only a little bit came up but i felt so much better.

jason and i broke up but things only got worse for me. after that is when i honestly became bulimic. i started out throwing up only healthy meals and i think that's how i became really skinny..i mean i was only eating a little bit of food but whatever i was eating i was throwing up. i was working as a bartender at the most popular busy bar in my city and evyerone was pretty and young and i was single again. it got worse. i got down to 105 and less than that. i felt amazing though...

and now i've been bulimic for over a year and a half. some times have been worse than others...some days would only be once a day, other days would be about three times....there was a period where i would order honest to god, thirty dollars of take out FOR MYSELF, a day. i am not kidding or exaggerating...sometimes more or less. i got up to spending three hundred dollars a week on food, it was so bad that the people at my favorite places, and mind you i was a bartender so late night places were my fav, like sheets and eat n park, knew me by my first name. they all thought i had roomates and friends waiting for me at home. i could go to taco bell and spend fifteen dollars, and i am still a vegetarian so use ur imagination. i would have to drink over a two liter of pop to get the food out of my stomach, and most the time i couldnt even get it all up and i still can't...

i went from throwing up little bites of food and nothing else, to just throwing up lots of food and nothing else. my throat hurts all the time. i'm always dehydrated and i am always tired. but i do all of this to myself. i can't stop. i could help each and everyone in this forum. honestly, i am one of the most health conscious people i know. i know more about calories, fat calories, diets, fasts, detoxes, and all kinds of crazy stuff...but i'm addicted.

honestly, i did do a raw food vegan diet for a couple months and i was amazed. i ate all day and didnt gain weight. and it was easy for me because as much as i have always loved sweets and stuff i have always loved fruits and veggies. why did i stop it??? i ended up moving a couple times in the last three months and was between jobs and was so stressed, and just stopped....

i am finally going to help myself again though and be strong because honestly just sitting here after what i did to myself just tonight makes me so sad, like it always does, and i just dontknow how much more my damn throat can even take this. it hurts like hell. i am doing a water fast, whichi only recommend to someone that understands what exactly it is and how it will effect and cleanse your body and to someone that will change there diet and lifestyle afterwards. i start on sunday and i can't wait. following the diet i will be on my raw food diet again. i can't wait.

if anyone needs help or is curious about anything tha ti have written please get a hold of me. learning to be clean ur body and about the food and stuff you put into it is an enlightening experience. you deserve to be happy and healthy and i honestly believe that people that are addicted to food will be very affected to learn exactly what they are doing to their bodies, just like i was. thanks for reading



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