maybe it's bdd

I just got done reading your post and I'm shocked at how much it sounds like mine. My post is "bdd" on ask agnes/bob forum i think it's page 22, read it if you want a good laugh and need to feel better by knowing that there's people out there who are seriously f**ked up... Don't feel bad about not having a gf, cuz the way I see it, I've bounced from one self-destructive relationship to the next and some of my abusive ex-bf's have contributed to my problem (some told me I'm worthless and stupid and not good enough and would threaten me,etc and what's worst is that I believe them) so consider yourself better off. Work on yourself first, then things will fall into place. I've realized the hard way no1 can love you unless you love yourself. And that's a problem I'm battling every single day. I can honestly say that I don't love myself, and that I actually hate living in my own skin. I think I'm my own worst-enemy. That's what shocked me about your story, how similar it sounds to mine. You were saying you want to have some miracle plastic surgery to cure yourself, and I'm always every day wishing that I had the money to do a complete transformation, change my nose, skin, etc, basically change myself entirely, I want to be someone else because I hate the person that I am and I'm tired of being her. I didn't know guys felt like this too, I always thought it was a girl thing because of all the pressure put on girls to look a certain way. But one thing that I should realize before I start trading body parts is that no matter how much I change myself on the outside, I could come out of that operating room looking like a brand new beautiful (finally!) person, but I'll still be this person (me) on the inside. And that would still make me ugly, no matter how much surgery I undergo. Sometimes (every day) I get sick thoughts of just ending it all because basically I feel worthless, but I just wait it out. I constantly feel like I'm "floating" through life (is that even possible?) and that I have nothing stable to hold onto, I feel empty inside like I'm not a real person, I feel like I was put on this earth as some form of cruel and unusual punishment and I have a hard time committing to life, school, myself, other people, relationships, guys, etc. This is too hard to deal with because I'm not a kid anymore, I'm almost 23, I'm constantly telling myself "this shouldn't be happening anymore at my age, this is a teenage thing" but I can't stop it. I can't talk to anyone about this stuff because no1 really listens to me or even gives a shit about me, everyone I know is living a busy, productive, normal life, so why would they care, but it's nice being able to come here and let it all out, and it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one. One of my fears is that I'll be stuck with this problem forever, never being able to love someone, never having a decent long-term relationship I dont' somehow f**k up because of my disorder and depression, and that all my friends will move on and become successful individuals with happy lives and I'll always be this pathetic miserable sorry person with nothing to hold onto in life and none of my friends or family will want to associate with me because I've got too many issues, leaving me stranded and alone, even though nowadays I prefer being alone. As it stands right now I've alienated them all because I'm too "abnormal" to be around human beings so I'd rather be by myself. Well this post is long enough...