Thank you so much for the support. It's an amazing transformation to be peaceful and enjoy my own company. Even though I was invited to friends homes for Christmas, I just wanted to stay home by myself. When I visit my husband/grandchildren in Jan.,it will continue to be a challange. I don't want to come across to my husband as cold/detached since that seems to say "anger", resentment. I am learning that we have played out that dynamic for close to 50 years. I always had the feeling that he played the victim and I was the bitch. No more. That behavior has to be over.
As for a physical transformation, I focus on staying "loose" in my belly. As I mentioned I belive I am helping my blood flow everytime I "discover" I am holding in my pain. I let it go and focus on letting the blood flow to my fingers/toes while allowing my abdomen to extend with each breath. Yes, sometimes that means feeling what the pain is about or just breathing WITHOUT "knowing" and that's ok since I trust it will come up. I am just being patient and it doesn't take much effort to just let it all be. It's early in this process but I feel it's helping. Again, thank you so much.