Re: Your OK I don't have love for mine
I'm a cradle Catholic too, now nondenominational, and I really understand your problem with the traditional Catholic way of repentance. I just can't do the confessional for anything! I can't imagine what someone in your shoes would do/handle.
I think you have the right answer for personal forgiveness. It's between you and Jesus. Jesus is your personal saviour, no other person can take that role. If you know in your soul that Jesus has forgiven you (cause you truly asked, which it sounds like you did) then that's the way it is. He will let you know! Don't let those who insist, "the confessional only!", try to wreck that confidence.
I think the fact that you knew who your baby was is absolutely wonderful! When the time is right you will be given the identity of this baby, it's just a matter of time.
Congrats on the new baby, and try to remember that the other 2 are with Jesus in heaven. Just think, they'll be there when you get there!
God bless!