Re: thank you Ev

Your inability to find that love that you want to give your lost son is simply a part of the emotional stage you are at. You know more about what happens with abortion, and you know that the child was (is) innocent of all things tied to it. That's an important thing to be able to do.

With traumatic things like this there are layers of emotions to go through. There are some that aren't even discovered until you happen upon them by surprise. Dreams are often good for that. For right now try to concentrate on the feelings you are aware of. You went through alot with that ill man and have the emotional scars to prove it. It's very likely that problems with 100% repentence stem from those hurts and pains. As you continue to work on healing yourself emotionally you will get closer to your goal.

The Father understands the emotional pains that stand in the way. Say a special prayer admitting your inability to give 100% repentance. Ask for Jesus' help in healing the remaining bits of pain from that relationship. He WILL help you, and does understand! He will even take those emotions from you that you simply cannot get passed. I've had that experience myself. You ask with your entire heart and soul, "Father take this from me!" or "Jesus take this thing I can't do from me." and He does! Just like that. It's extrodinary.

Last thing I can say that, I hope, may help is that it's okay to forgive yourself for things you cannot do. For me it's forgiveness issues towards family. I've had to forgive myself for not being able to forgive them, yet. That also frees you. It's not something you're doing on purpose, it's just the problem of the moment.

God loves you, unconditionally, and will wait for you to be able to repent when you are healed enough to truly do so. Until then, He'll just love you anyways.

God bless. Tweet