thank you Ev

thank you, ev
your words gave me hope

but let me explain my most inner feelings

until I found myself pregnant again I somewhat removed the whole abortion matter - I was not facing it.
Having and feeling my baby in the womb pushed me to look for abortion facts and informations, so I finally went to some shocking websites, which I suppose you already know, called abortionfacts and abortiontv

I saw images I just couldn't face in the beginning, I had to close that window immediately --- feeling so much involved ---and horrified, too

I read a lot on that site, and learned the whole truth that I -( as most of people I guess) actually ignore about abortion and all the many different ways it can be done.

After reading for about a week I felt prepared, and I looked at the pictures without feeling my heart burning inside my chest no more. I just saw them for what they were ...the plain truth I didn't ever want to face until then.

Since that moment the longing secret pain I carried inside for years left me and I found a more serene way to look at myself.

But what is still tormenting me is that even if I believe God can forgive me, I know I didn' t repent 100% yet
I just cannot feel love for that innocent child, it is too much abstract to me, I just can relate him ( I believe he was a boy) to
his wrecked father and to the miserable days I spent with him.

This is not true repentance. That child is not guilty of what I went through, I am guilty of killing him and suffering all the consequences that this statement brought on afterwards. I ' d like to picture myself his face without thinking about his father, I'd like to reach his little soul somehow, and hug him, as he paid my due, too, more than I did. But I can't actually feel this love.


excuse me I've been long and maybe repetitive, but I need to share these feelings I' m so happy to find some listening ear...THNK U. Tweet