a not repenting soul...

I had an abortion 5 yrs ago and I went through hell after that, sticking to the guy (who really was a weak-minded, violent and dangerous person) with my secret hope to marry him and have children to fix what I had done. We had a crazy relationship that did last 2 yrs. He was constantly switching between exaggerate gentleness and wicked unbearable attitudes. He was sexually deviant, attracted by every woman he met. he had sex with prostitutes. I didn't know it. He infected me with various venereal diseases. I spent 2 yrs of my life trying to help him and getting more and more desperate and confused myself. I understood he was going dangerously insane and finally gave up. A few months later went into a psychiatric institute for getting naked in a big square. I was trying to recover and I went through his parents' threatens instead, as if I was the one and only reason why their son went out of his mind.
I had every kind of health problem and trouble, went anorexic and autoinjuring.
I am getting ok since 2 yrs ago when I met the man who became later my husband, we have a baby now, I am quite happy.
But in my soul I feel that something remain unresolved. I would like to feel true repentance for my abortion but I don't. Inside of me I actually believe that even if it was an horrible thing to do it has not been the worse choice, or else my life would have been tied forever to a psycho and I would never met my hsband etc.
I am catholic and I believe what I have done is evil but I cannot completely and truly repent, even willingly.
What about it?
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